Happy Birthday, John-John!

Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:5-6


This may be a difficult blog to write, since the music is pounding from the cd player in the kitchen (where Sarah Beth is doing the dishes from brunch and practicing for Bella Notte, a big performance for her choir this weekend), and there is some kind of rescue situation going on in the living room (where Han and John-John are playing with some of his new toys). If this wanders around a little more than usual, you'll know why.

Well, it's John-John's seventh birthday, if you can even imagine such a thing. I can't, frankly. How is it possible that he's that old? And his cousin Daniel, his birthday buddy, is 24. And my nephews, Ben and Matt, turned 22 on Friday. Weren't they all babies yesterday? Where did the time go?

Many of you know that John's birth was surrounded by serious illness, both mine and his. I didn't even see him for the first three days of his life. When I was allowed to see him, I thought he was just so beautiful--I was clearly delirious, because when I see pictures of the two of us now, I realize how lifeless and sad we both look. He was in intensive care with a sign that said not to stimulate, because his little lungs were just not ready to breathe on their own. It's hard for me to imagine that the very, very active little boy who loves to slide in his socks all the way down our long hallway was once such a sick baby. But he was. Even then, though, God was at work, preparing his little lungs to function, growing him daily to be the big boy he is today. I can't imagine my life without a John-John. I'm fairly certain it would be a lot quieter, but also pretty dull most days. After all, who would give me the daily rundown of what kinds of animals like to kill and eat what other kinds of animals? Or who would run from the bathroom after his bath screaming, "Naked boy alert!" all the way down the hall? Who would keep us all in line with the threat of his "toots of fury"? And who would fall asleep with his little arm draped around me after whispering, "I love you so much, Mommy"? I can't imagine my life without those things, now.

So many of you have emailed to check on us. We are doing better. It's a slow, slow process to recover from an illness that has really set us back on our heels. We continue to have the cough of a 2-pack-a-day smoker, and we're still struggling to get some sleep and feel stronger, but we are definitely on the downhill swing. We are not going to church today, however, because we cannot face the three different modes of public transportation it takes for us to get there, and because we can't afford to catch anything else at this point. Instead, we are spending the day with one another, celebrating John's birthday and watching Chronicles of Narnia as a family. It should be a fun day. I hope wherever you are in the world you are preparing for (or already enjoying) some Sunday rest, and that no one in your family is unleashing the toots of fury! Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye

I can do all things...even be really sick

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:10-13

I would love to say that I haven't blogged in so long because I have been busy, busy, busy with ministry and language study and homeschooling. Unfortunately, I haven't blogged in a while because Marc and John-John and I have been so stinking sick. Saturday night the volunteer team from Texas took us to Hard Rock Cafe to eat dinner, and in the middle of it I realized I really didn't feel well. Sunday was okay, but I didn't feel great, and by Monday morning, I was sure I was going to die. Marc was even sicker than I--he actually passed out--and John-John concerned us all by running a high fever and being lethargic. I seriously don't even remember Monday or Tuesday at all. Thank heavens for our friends Kris and Frances, who continually dropped by and brought us stuff to drink and made sure our kids didn't starve to death.

We are feeling better today. I have actually been upright for two hours, eaten breakfast (not much, but some), and had a cup of coffee. Of course, I'm ready for bed now, but it's at least some improvement. The funny thing about being that sick is that you have no choice but to be content with how things are, because you can't change them. I didn't have the energy to complain or rail at God about being sick. All I could day was lie in bed and pray that I would not cough myself to death in the next hour.

That's about all I'm up to for today. I'll try to write something deep and meaningful soon...how I found real spiritual meaning in the size of the augmentin pill I'm taking perhaps...but for now, I'm pretty sure I'm done for the day. Thank you so much for the calls and emails and prayers I know have been sent up for us. We really do appreciate you all for that. Wherever you are in the world, I hope that you are sitting upright, drinking some coffee, and praising God for the nasal spray that's helping you breathe. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

In case you thought I'd dropped off the earth...

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroms of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among thowho are being saved and among those who are perishing...II Corinthians 2:14-15

I realized this morning that it's been a week since I've written, and you likely thought I had completely disappeared from the face of the planet. Not true--I'm still alive and well in Moscow. (It still feels weird to write that!) The volunteer team from Allen, TX, came Saturday morning, and we have been running since they arrived. It's been so wonderful, and not just because my sister, Kay, is with them. The whole team is just great, very low-maintenance, very easy to be with, and very, very willing to be flexible, which is likely the most important quality of any team. Yesterday was the first time we had any "free time" since they arrived, and we had a birthday party for the three kids with gifts from Mimi and Poppy, Aunt Kay and Uncle John, and Aunt Cathy and Uncle Steve. The pictures are of some of their new outfits. John-John was particularly thrilled with his Sooner sweatshirt (just like Daddy's), and he insisted on wearing it to the English Camp last night, making sure everyone saw that he had a Sooner shirt on for his "pretend" birthday. (He kept calling it that and making all of us giggle.)

The camp has gone extremely well. We've had between 40 and 50 each night, with tonight being the final night. The team has done a wonderful job of teaching. From here, we'll develop English clubs that meet in our homes. I am especially excited about this. One thing the week has done for us is made us determined more than ever to concentrate on language so we can move on to full-time ministry. Because we haven't had language lessons this week, we've had the chance to see that life here is actually okay and doable if we aren't also full-time students. In fact, we've had more fun this week doing ministry than we've had since we arrived in October. It's been kind of like a carrot God has held out in front of us. "See? If you finish language, life will be better..." It's been unbelievably renewing and refreshing. Tomorrow, we'll take them to Ismaylovsky Park to buy souvenirs, and then the church is taking us to Hard Rock Cafe for dinner--I've never been to a Hard Rock Cafe before, so I'm kind of excited about that.

It's been interesting to see "my" city through the eyes of my sister. I'd sort of forgotten (how is that possible?) how different life here is. I don't think about how long it takes to get somewhere. I don't think about how quiet the metro is. It doesn't occur to me anymore. But it's been fun to look at Moscow through her eyes. Sometimes, what she sees is disturbing to her, and that's a good reminder of why we're here. But it's also good to see the beauty of Moscow, its history, and its people through the eyes of someone who is just getting to know those things.

Okay, this part is going to make Marc giggle, because he thinks I can turn anything into a lesson about how God is doing something. But I just can't help myself--He IS doing something. Having the volunteer team here has been such a gift for me, personally, and I can see how God is using them to refresh my spirit. Yes, it's going to be hard for them to leave on Monday, for us to go back to our life the way it's been, to go back to language, to continue the struggle to have a life here. But it's also a great way for Him to remind us why we're here. I am not in love with Russia or Russians. I'm really not. I have a heart and a passion for the city, the country, and the people, but I'm not so devoted to THEM that I can't imagine living anywhere else. However, I am totally and completely in love with my Savior, and He has called me here. My prayer has become so simple--more and more and more of Him. And the more I have of Him, the more this place doesn't seem so foreign to me--the more this huge city, with its different kinds of people, different language, different customs, becomes home. As I've taken people around, showed them parts of the city, taken them to the school, introduced them to Russian culture, the more I've come to recognize the absolute miracle God is working in me. He is answering that prayer to have more of Him. He continues to be faithful beyond my understanding. Through the team from Allen, He's given me new eyes to see what He's doing in me. What an incredible gift from my incredible God.

Well, I have to run. Sarah Beth needs to be up and showering for school--there's a big basketball tournament this weekend, and her best friend, Anna, is coming in from St. Petersburg and staying with us. What a weekend!!! I hope wherever you are in the world, you have a stockpile of marshmallows and peanut butter cups from friends (or maybe from your grocery store!) and that you are being amazed by our amazing God. Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye

When praise demands a sacrifice

When praise demands a sacrifice/I'll worship even then/surrendering the dearest things in life./And if surrender costs me all/He'll find me faithful to His call. "When Praise Demands a Sacrifice"

I love this song so much. It's on a collection of songs for the Beth Moore Bible study on The Patriarchs. That study was so important to me. During the time I was in the study, I finished graduate school (Go Gators!), was working on the process to be appointed by the IMB, and was just generally overwhelmed with life. I can distinctly remember one lesson, during a time I was kind of whiny about all the stuff the IMB wanted from us, and I was honestly wondering--is this worth it? Maybe we can just go on some short-term trips and God will be satisfied. And the lesson was about the Israelites crossing the Jordan and placing their stones of remembrance. But halfway in, they had to decide whether to go across all the way. After all, leading so many people across the river seemed kind of crazy. What would people say? What if they failed? But they chose to trust God, forget what others said, and move across. They committed to finish what they'd started. I can still remember the way God spoke to my heart. Are you really committed to My vision for your life? Really? Then keep crossing the river, Kellye. And I did, and here we are. But I really think God used that study so much to get me through that time in my life.

Sometimes, praise does demand a sacrifice. Lately I've realized that praise isn't just what we lift up to God. It isn't just words and a life lived for Him. It's also those things we cherish but choose to lay down. This song has a line to that effect somewhere in it, I think. I cherished my life in the States, my reputation as an educator, my career, my church, living close to my parents and aunt and uncle. I cherished the happiness of my children, the ease of my life there, and being able to hop in the car and go to Publix. And I'm not saying I don't miss those things, because I do. I really, really do. But I can honestly say that the treasure of knowing Christ like I know Him now that I have had to depend on Him for survival...it's worth everything I've laid down. I know Him so much more. And like all really wonderful friends, the more I know Him, the more I love Him. The more I know Him, the more I want of Him.

Yesterday, I had the chance to talk to my pastor on the phone. I really enjoyed talking to him. And I appreciate the concern he showed for our family, and the fact that he and our children's pastor (they happened to be together) took the time to speak to the kids. I think sometimes, especially for Hannah, it is very important to hear from people at home. She was very excited about the call, but she was especially excited that Pastor Ralph missed her, that Brother Alan wanted to talk to her. She has struggled so much, and it seems to me that some of her struggle is that she worries about being forgotten. So it was nice to hear the voices of two men who are very important to her reminding her that she is important to them. Someone I love once wrote me a note, thanking me for something I'd done for her child, and she said that what I did for her child, I did for her. I understand that more and more as time goes on. When someone encourages my children, I, too, am encouraged. So thanks for calling!

Well, it's time to get ready for my language lesson. Pray for me--I have just enough language to be dangerous. I had a lovely conversation with a babushka at a bus stop yesterday, and for a minute, I thought she was saying how cute my children were, so I smiled, nodded, and thanked her. When she looked at me oddly, I realized I had misunderstood--she didn't say they were cute...she asked if they were sick since they had dark circles under their eyes. She admonished me for not taking good care of them, and then realized I only understood part of what she was saying. It will get easier, won't it? Some day, I will manage to understand, be understood, and walk away with some dignity all at the same time, right? It looks like it's far, far down the road!! I hope wherever you are in the world, you are praising God no matter what, and that your children do not have dark circles under their eyes! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

A fun day at the photo...uh, feed store

One thing I really like about being a missionary is that I'm forced, more or less, to live beyond my coping capacity. I'm convinced that what is wrong with many churches and the people in them is that they have set up their lives so that they can cope without anyone's help--even God's. When I left America for the mission field, I no longer was able to cope with the life I had chosen. It was a bit beyond me. It has forced me to rely on God in a way that I never have previously. Being an Aroma of Christ by Karen Pearce

I know you're probably sick of hearing about this book, but honestly, she said it so well, so perfectly, that I don't even need to expound. She's right--being on the field has made me rely on God in a new way.

Okay, this is going to be short--it's my day to go to the superstore to stock up on groceries, and Frances will be here soon to pick me up. I simply had to share our experience yesterday. On Friday, we received an email that said they had found a way to get work permits for those of us on "religious workers" visas. Now, this is a long story and hard to explain, but five days after we moved here, Russian visa laws changed, and those changes have resulted in a mass exodus from the country for a period of time and then a mass migration back into the country. Hard to explain in a short way, but work permits were the only way around the law, and they are hard to come by, so news that they had found a way to get them was so exciting and such an answer to prayer. (Long and short--it could mean that we will be able to stay in Russia instead of moving in and out every six months.) With the news came a long list of stuff we had to have, including pictures on specific kinds of paper.

Well, we didn't know how to get those pictures, but after calling around, our friends found a place close to the office where we could get them and then go to the office and turn in all the stuff we needed. So at about 1p.m. yesterday, Kris and Frances and Dan and Kyle came and picked us up in the car, and we all headed out. We finally found the place...it was a back room in an animal feed store. I'm not even kidding. But this is Russia, so we just kind of shrugged our shoulders and went on. This was a little like taking your passport picture at Walgreens, except you need to add some unpleasant smells. (And I won't get into some of the brand names that had been transliterated in a very, very funny way, but there were a few chuckles.) Here's the difference--in my passport photo, I am smiling. I am American, and so I am smiling, because that is what we do. However, in my work permit photo, I must look Russian, and so I must not smile. It is very important. NO SMILING! Of course, once you know you're not supposed to smile, it's almost impossible to keep from smiling. Add Frances into the mix, and it is impossible not to smile. Finally, after three or four takes, the guy got my picture, we paid, and we went to the office.

Of course, I had to leave the pictures at the office (one set in black and white, so just imagine how that looked), but we did our best to recreate our pictures, and you see the results above. I might look a little more crazed in the picture above, but not much. I honestly think these are the craziest pictures I have ever taken in my whole life. But I'll give them this--I definitely look Russian. (And Marc looks a little like the drunk guys on the metro, but that seemed appropriate, too.)

Wherever you are in the world, I hope you are enjoying a wonderful morning, and that somewhere you have some crazy, crazy pictures of yourself. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

My kids, it turns out, are not perfect

We say that we want to follow Him to the ends of the earth, but we want a road map first. We want God to entrust us with the secret plan before we take off. If He refuses, then we often say that we aren't sure that we hear His voice anymore or that He isn't leading in that direction. Could He want you to follow without knowing all the details?--Being an Aroma of Christ, Karen Pearce

For once, my picture kind of matches what I want to talk about--I know they're usually pretty random. This is a picture from last night's "evening worship service," a time when we gather as a family to watch/listen to Southern Hills Baptist Church in OKC. They have a live webcast, complete with singing, etc., and we "attend" each Sunday night. Now, as you can plainly see, my children are playing their gameboys. They are also surrounded by all of their stuffed animals/dolls (because no one wants to sit alone at church!). That may seem to you like they aren't really "doing" church. (Sarah Beth was at a birthday party for a Russian friend, Sacha.) And I have to admit to you that, once upon a time, your opinion of how my kids did stuff would have really mattered a lot to me--more than it should. But one of the things God is really teaching me on the field is about the sin of comparison.

For most of my parenting life, I have worried that my children's behavior didn't measure up to other people's children's behavior. Not so much with S.B., who was a really well-behaved child in all circumstances (at least until she hit about 12), but with John and Han, I really started to think that our parenting wasn't as good as other people's. Sometimes, our kids were not politically correct. Sometimes, they said and did things that totally embarrassed me. Especially with John, I saw my children only through the critical eyes of others, and I always found them--and us--wanting.

But the mission field has a way of jostling how we see things. The lack of a "road map" that Karen Pearce mentions above is so unsettling that it unsettles everything in life. And so I've had the chance to really take a good look at my kids. You know what I've found? They each have unique qualities that have equipped them for the field and for life. I have been highly critical of Sarah Beth's tendency to be more inward than outward. (That's kind of the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?) I have pushed and pulled and cajoled most of her life for her to be more extroverted. But her introversion is part of who she is--creative and funny, very, very intuitive about people, extremely loyal to those she loves. Hannah has been an emotional rollercoaster since we got here, and in the past, I would have tried to keep that a secret as much as possible, especially from those here on the field, who might think we were unworthy of being here. (Which we are, by the way.) But it's that very passionate nature in her that makes her a magnet for other people. Even when she was a baby, Hannah was a leader. She has a group already here. The little girls at church, who don't understand anything she says, still want to be with her and help her. I would not have seen that in the past.

And then there's John. I can't tell you the tears I've cried over the years because others did not see John the way I wanted them to see him. My poor friend Denise, who was his Awana teacher in kindergarten, made the mistake of saying something nice about him one night, and I absolutely collapsed in tears. You know what she said? "John is such a treasure, Kellye." That was a year and a half ago, and I can still picture where we were when she said it--that's how important that statement was to me. It is difficult to raise a difficult child, and John is a difficult child. He is better since we have started medication, but he remains a difficult child. But his sense of fun, his love of animals, his love of all people--can I tell you that everywhere we go, Russians love him? I'm not kidding. Folks who scowl at me otherwise smile because I'm John's Mamatchka. Every tear I've cried over John, every time I've felt that his behavior was embarrassing...every teacher I've snapped at because they said something silly (I once had a teacher at church tell me I needed to work with him to sit and be quiet--when he was three! I replied that I was still trying to get him to stop peeing on the sidewalk, but sitting and listening quietly would be next on my list.)...it's all worth it to see him in this brand new light of how God has gifted him.

Don't get me wrong--there are many days when my children frustrate me. There are many days when being here frustrates me. But more and more and more, I'm learning to cling only to God. We were on our way home Friday night from a member care session with all the newbies in Moscow, and I told Marc I thought we had talked too much. He asked me if I would ever stop thinking that we were always wrong. I said that I always worry that we aren't as good as everybody else here. I'll never forget his response. "I know we're not as good as everybody else here, so I don't worry about it. It's very freeing. You should try it."

So now you know. My kids play gameboy while they listen to the sermon. But when we couldn't get the sermon at first, they both were upset, because they wanted to go to church. And though they were playing gameboy, they sang all the songs. Of course, the funniest moment of the night was when the streaming video halted during one of the songs, and John asked, "Mom, you want to sing this one out for us?" I don't know what "singing this one out" really means, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done it justice since I was laughing so hard. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you have the opportunity to see your children in a whole new light, and that you can stop laughing long enough to sing this one out. Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye

A really busy week

He doesn't so much call us to one task as to one Taskmaster. Going with Him isn't a one-time experience; it is a way of life. Being an Aroma of Christ by Karen Pearce

I am reading this unbelievable book by Karen Pearce, who works for the CEE (Central and Eastern Europe) media office as a writer. She and her husband, Preston, have served in Eastern Europe since our region began, and what she has to say about the struggles of missionary life...well, let's just say she hits it on the head again and again. Plus, she's funny and a good writer, so it's such a pleasant read. I read this passage this morning, and it struck me that this is exactly one of the things God is at work on in my life. I would love to think that the "hard work" of being a missionary is over--after all, we have laid it all down at the foot of the cross, right--careers, family, friends, cats, homes. Wouldn't a God who loved us make sure that after we did that, life would be easy? It turns out that our God loves us enough to not be content with a small renovation...He's in for the total rehaul of our lives. When I look back at our first months here, I am struck about how my expectations of how life would be did not match up with what life was. My children were not happy. I did not magically turn into June Cleaver on the plane ride over. All the struggles our family had in the states did not disappear, but were instead magnified a million times. Over and over again, my expectations were completely wrong. Now that we have settled into a kind of ease here, I know that it isn't because we became accustomed to anything, but that God has done some major, major work in our lives as a family. But more and more I realize that the thing I am really in need of, the thing I pray for the most, is Him...more of Him, all of Him, and none of me. When I pray that prayer and mean it...I won't say that life is happy, because it isn't always happy, but I will say that there is a level of peace and contentment that transcends logical explanation.

I realize I haven't written for a week, but I promise it's because I have been incredibly busy this week. On Sunday, we visited a new church and adored it. We were greeted by more people before we hung up our coats than had spoken to us at the other church in four months of attending. It was so exciting. I cried a little. I'm not kidding...I was just so thankful and grateful to be welcomed and greeted and loved, I couldn't hold back a few tears. On Monday, it was our turn to host the team meeting, which we did. Of course, as usual, we had a fantastic time. Our team meetings always end up in howls of laughter. Tuesday, I took the kids to Hinkson and worked with some of the seniors. Wednesday was our only "down" day...just a regular day with language class. Thursday, we met some other M's here for lunch at a steak house in Moscow for Valentine's Day. We had a wonderful, lovely time...again, more howls of laughter. Friday, we had class all day and then a meeting at night with our member care team. (For all our mission friends, it was a mandatory meeting...for all new folks! Just in case you were wondering...) Member care is a system set up by the IMB to provide missionaries with the counseling and emotional health help that can become necessary on the field. Because Russia is such a huge field with so many people, we have our own member care team, and the meeting was just about adjusting to Russia. It was fun, and the kids enjoyed playing with the other kids there. (Except for S.B., who stayed home and watched Andy Griffith by herself all night...a rare treat for her to be alone.) Yesterday, we just had a regular trip to the store in the morning, but that takes about 1.5 hours, because we have to walk there and walk back. Now, I'm getting ready to get everyone up and out the door for church.

It doesn't sound like much now that I've written it down. This week will be taken up with getting ready for a visiting volunteer team coming in from FBC Allen, TX, on Saturday. We can hardly wait for them to get here, not only because my sister, Kay, is coming with them, but because we feel really engaged with this church. They have never met us, but they have adopted us as their own, and we are just in love with them. They will be helping teach an English camp the whole next week, so please be in prayer for that. We can hardly wait...except that I have got to get my house clean! (See, some things are the same no matter where you live!)

Well, I'd better run. The pictures are of John-John's magnetix creation, which he was really excited about, what it looks like when it snows here, and my heart-shaped pancakes I made on Valentine's Day. I was pretty impressed with them, and judging from the way my family gobbled them down, they must have been, too. I make my own syrup, and I have to tell you, it's a lot better than the stuff I used to buy. Of course, it's also kind of a pain to make, but it'll be hard to go back to store-bought. (I'll manage, but I might have some complaints.) Wherever you are around the world, I pray that you are looking forward to spending some time in corporate worship with other believers who are excited that you're there, and that you have great maple syrup for your pancakes! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye