My guy. I love him.Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy man? A righteous man who walks in his integrity--how blessed are his sons after him. Proverbs 20:6-7
I have a list of blogs I want to write, and this one has been on the list for a bit. It was pushed up on the list by the appearance this week on facebook of a list of ten things teenage girls should know (or something like that...I'm not sure of the title). And it's not that I disagree with those things at all--I am, after all, the mother of two girls, and I want them to know all the things on that list. But I'm also the mother of a boy, and I know and love many teenage boys who have come into my life as a teacher or here on the field or at my home church, young men I've come to really admire and appreciate. So really, this is an open letter to those guys, the ones I've watched grow up, the ones I've taught, the ones who call me Aunt Kellye. Because I'm convinced that our society is not doing you justice, and I think there are some things you should know. But a warning--if you're not a believer, some of this won't make a lot of sense to you. So with that caveat, here's my list of things you should know.
--Don't buy into the American pop culture view of men. Look at the tv shows that are popular, and what you often see is that the teenage guy (or the man, even) is portrayed as wimpy, stupid or both. You are not any of those things. And someday, God is going to ask you to lead--a business, a mission, a church, a wife and kids--and you cannot do that well if you are those things. So don't buy it.
--Be who you are. Maybe you're into sports. That's great. Maybe you're into music. That's also great. I am the mother of two girls, and I can tell you that being dedicated and committed to something is an attractive quality in their eyes. So whatever it is that interests you (unless, of course, it's something immoral), pursue it with gusto. Girls like that. I swear.
--Be a Christian. A real one. Not a Sunday-you're-at-church-but-on-Monday-nobody-can-tell-a-difference-between-you-and-everyone-else-in-your-school one. That is NOT attractive.
--Only date Christian girls. And only date real Christian girls. Or maybe don't date until you're older and can handle it. Because the Bible is super clear about this area of your life. God clearly says not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. He means in your dating life, too. And if you don't share the same morals and values, if you're not both Jesus lovers, then what happens in your pickup truck on the way home will get out of hand and outside of the boundaries you definitely want to set for yourself. Even if you are both Jesus lovers, it can get outside of the boundaries way too fast. So maybe don't get into pickup trucks with girls. :)
--Find a man you value and admire, and seek him out as a mentor. Maybe it's your dad. Maybe it's not. But I know many incredible men of God who are setting a good example, and you could benefit from their knowledge and encouragement.
--Figure out what you want in a girl...not just to date, but to marry. Someone gave Hannah great love advice last year, and I think it works for everybody. First, he asked what the guy she wanted to marry was like. Christian, heart for missions, kind, loving...you get the idea. He looked her straight in the eye and said, "Then you work on being the girl that guy would fall in love with. Because that guy will show up, and you want to be the person he's looking for, too." The girl you want to marry, who has all the qualities on your list--loving, kind, loves Jesus first--she will show up some day. You want to make sure you've taken the time to be the guy who she wants and who can lead her into the life God has for you both.
--Stop worrying about who you're going to date next. Honestly. Going from one girl to another...not that attractive. Maybe be a little more selective.
--If girls do not show you respect, they are not the girl for you. This is a toughie. There are some beautiful girls out there who have bought into the whole "you're stupid so I must lead you around by the nose" mentality. Sorry. Take a pass on them. Paul clearly commands Christian couples--men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and women are to respect their husbands. You know why he said that? Because for women, love is the most important thing. But for men, it's definitely respect. I've been married 22 years this summer. Trust me on this one. Respect is more important to you than you probably even know yet, but it's going to be a HUGE need in your life.
--Picture yourself in 10 years. What would you love to be doing? What are you called to be doing? What kind of partner makes that life possible? Dream about her. Pray for her diligently. Except for accepting Christ as your savior, I promise you will make no more important decision than who you're going to marry. None. And here was our experience: we'd both prayed for that person, dreamed about them, and when we spent a little time together (about 5 hours, no kidding), we both knew. This was it. I told my parents the next day that I would marry him. I'd looked. I'd dreamed. So had he. When we found each other, we knew it. Your experience might not be quite that quick, but it will help you know when it is time to know.
--Be friends with girls, but really treasure your time with the guys. Being friends with girls will give you an awesome view of the "other side" of things. Hannah and Sarah Beth have enjoyed great, incredible friendships with guys both overseas and in Middleburg. But your time with your guy friends is precious. Some of them will be your friends for life. The Bible tells us how important those friendships are. "Iron sharpens iron," and "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." I realize we usually apply that last verse to marriage, but it's true of friendships, too. The Christian guys you surround yourself with...they are being used by God to form you into His man. And when hard times come--heartbreak, trouble, divorcing parents, whatever--they will be there. Even as adults, you are going to need Christian guy friends. Trust me. I see often in Marc's life how important those three or four relationships in his life are to his ability to be God's guy. You need your guys to be His man.
--God has a purpose for you. He has good plans for your life. We tell girls all the time that they are priceless treasures of God, daughters of the King of kings. But sometimes we forget to tell you. You are priceless to Him, treasures of His heart. You are a son of the King. Never, ever forget. Whatever plan He has for your life, it is borne out of His great love for you. Maybe you won't be a professional basketball player. Maybe you won't be rich. But I can promise you from our experience that nothing in life, no comfort, no amount of money, is better than being exactly who God created you to be. And to settle into that person, that man of God...well, it will make your wife very happy some day. I promise.
I love having the chance to watch people grow up. I'm thinking, of course, of those nephews here on the field who have gone on to marry and have children and pursue ministry, certainly, but I'm also thinking of those boys in our church who we've known....goodness...seemingly forever. What a joy it is to see them pursue Godliness. What a pleasure to watch as they are shaped and molded into the next generation of leaders. It's an incredible honor to watch, even from across the world. It's an even greater honor to pray diligently for those young men we know and love as they become exactly the man God created them to be. Wherever you are in the world, I challenge you to find one young man at your church to really encourage, and I pray that your beloved is headed home to you, too. Blessings to you and yours!!
His,
Kellye
I have a list of blogs I want to write, and this one has been on the list for a bit. It was pushed up on the list by the appearance this week on facebook of a list of ten things teenage girls should know (or something like that...I'm not sure of the title). And it's not that I disagree with those things at all--I am, after all, the mother of two girls, and I want them to know all the things on that list. But I'm also the mother of a boy, and I know and love many teenage boys who have come into my life as a teacher or here on the field or at my home church, young men I've come to really admire and appreciate. So really, this is an open letter to those guys, the ones I've watched grow up, the ones I've taught, the ones who call me Aunt Kellye. Because I'm convinced that our society is not doing you justice, and I think there are some things you should know. But a warning--if you're not a believer, some of this won't make a lot of sense to you. So with that caveat, here's my list of things you should know.
--Don't buy into the American pop culture view of men. Look at the tv shows that are popular, and what you often see is that the teenage guy (or the man, even) is portrayed as wimpy, stupid or both. You are not any of those things. And someday, God is going to ask you to lead--a business, a mission, a church, a wife and kids--and you cannot do that well if you are those things. So don't buy it.
--Be who you are. Maybe you're into sports. That's great. Maybe you're into music. That's also great. I am the mother of two girls, and I can tell you that being dedicated and committed to something is an attractive quality in their eyes. So whatever it is that interests you (unless, of course, it's something immoral), pursue it with gusto. Girls like that. I swear.
--Be a Christian. A real one. Not a Sunday-you're-at-church-but-on-Monday-nobody-can-tell-a-difference-between-you-and-everyone-else-in-your-school one. That is NOT attractive.
--Only date Christian girls. And only date real Christian girls. Or maybe don't date until you're older and can handle it. Because the Bible is super clear about this area of your life. God clearly says not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. He means in your dating life, too. And if you don't share the same morals and values, if you're not both Jesus lovers, then what happens in your pickup truck on the way home will get out of hand and outside of the boundaries you definitely want to set for yourself. Even if you are both Jesus lovers, it can get outside of the boundaries way too fast. So maybe don't get into pickup trucks with girls. :)
--Find a man you value and admire, and seek him out as a mentor. Maybe it's your dad. Maybe it's not. But I know many incredible men of God who are setting a good example, and you could benefit from their knowledge and encouragement.
--Figure out what you want in a girl...not just to date, but to marry. Someone gave Hannah great love advice last year, and I think it works for everybody. First, he asked what the guy she wanted to marry was like. Christian, heart for missions, kind, loving...you get the idea. He looked her straight in the eye and said, "Then you work on being the girl that guy would fall in love with. Because that guy will show up, and you want to be the person he's looking for, too." The girl you want to marry, who has all the qualities on your list--loving, kind, loves Jesus first--she will show up some day. You want to make sure you've taken the time to be the guy who she wants and who can lead her into the life God has for you both.
--Stop worrying about who you're going to date next. Honestly. Going from one girl to another...not that attractive. Maybe be a little more selective.
--If girls do not show you respect, they are not the girl for you. This is a toughie. There are some beautiful girls out there who have bought into the whole "you're stupid so I must lead you around by the nose" mentality. Sorry. Take a pass on them. Paul clearly commands Christian couples--men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and women are to respect their husbands. You know why he said that? Because for women, love is the most important thing. But for men, it's definitely respect. I've been married 22 years this summer. Trust me on this one. Respect is more important to you than you probably even know yet, but it's going to be a HUGE need in your life.
--Picture yourself in 10 years. What would you love to be doing? What are you called to be doing? What kind of partner makes that life possible? Dream about her. Pray for her diligently. Except for accepting Christ as your savior, I promise you will make no more important decision than who you're going to marry. None. And here was our experience: we'd both prayed for that person, dreamed about them, and when we spent a little time together (about 5 hours, no kidding), we both knew. This was it. I told my parents the next day that I would marry him. I'd looked. I'd dreamed. So had he. When we found each other, we knew it. Your experience might not be quite that quick, but it will help you know when it is time to know.
--Be friends with girls, but really treasure your time with the guys. Being friends with girls will give you an awesome view of the "other side" of things. Hannah and Sarah Beth have enjoyed great, incredible friendships with guys both overseas and in Middleburg. But your time with your guy friends is precious. Some of them will be your friends for life. The Bible tells us how important those friendships are. "Iron sharpens iron," and "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." I realize we usually apply that last verse to marriage, but it's true of friendships, too. The Christian guys you surround yourself with...they are being used by God to form you into His man. And when hard times come--heartbreak, trouble, divorcing parents, whatever--they will be there. Even as adults, you are going to need Christian guy friends. Trust me. I see often in Marc's life how important those three or four relationships in his life are to his ability to be God's guy. You need your guys to be His man.
--God has a purpose for you. He has good plans for your life. We tell girls all the time that they are priceless treasures of God, daughters of the King of kings. But sometimes we forget to tell you. You are priceless to Him, treasures of His heart. You are a son of the King. Never, ever forget. Whatever plan He has for your life, it is borne out of His great love for you. Maybe you won't be a professional basketball player. Maybe you won't be rich. But I can promise you from our experience that nothing in life, no comfort, no amount of money, is better than being exactly who God created you to be. And to settle into that person, that man of God...well, it will make your wife very happy some day. I promise.
I love having the chance to watch people grow up. I'm thinking, of course, of those nephews here on the field who have gone on to marry and have children and pursue ministry, certainly, but I'm also thinking of those boys in our church who we've known....goodness...seemingly forever. What a joy it is to see them pursue Godliness. What a pleasure to watch as they are shaped and molded into the next generation of leaders. It's an incredible honor to watch, even from across the world. It's an even greater honor to pray diligently for those young men we know and love as they become exactly the man God created them to be. Wherever you are in the world, I challenge you to find one young man at your church to really encourage, and I pray that your beloved is headed home to you, too. Blessings to you and yours!!
His,
Kellye
7 comments:
Great article. Found the link to your blog from a friend on Facebook. I have a twelve year old son that I am raising in God's standard.
I also host a blog at churchstreet.info. Would you consider allowing me to rerun it with author credit going to you and a link back to your blog of course.
If so contact me via the contact page on
churchstreet.info
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