How God, two men, and a bunch of little kids changed my life

Hannah has discovered the setting on her camera that allows her to put pictures together in a panoramic. The many, many faces of Hannah Hooks. Sounds like a movie, doesn't it?

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4


The cares of the world, the influence of the ungodly, laziness, busyness, obsessions, ignorance of God's ways, or our own unsubmitted hearts, can be like a subtle riptide that carries us off course until one day we find that we are so far away from where we should be that we can't get back without help. Failure to be alert to the direction we are moving in is dangerous. And we don't have to be in open rebellion to get off course. All it takes is neglect in one small area of obedience and a subtle drift begins without our even noticing. Stormie Omartian, Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On

I managed to sleep until nearly 7 this morning (I've been waking up between 4 and 4:30 every morning since Marc has been gone), so I'm feeling like I can write down some coherent thoughts. I'm either getting used to Marc being gone, or my body just finally won the argument with my brain and demanded some more sleep. So I've checked email, facebook, had some great time with the Lord, and now I'm sitting down with my second cup of coffee to spend some time with you. Thanks for joining me!

I try really hard to be completely transparent on this blog, so in the interest of complete honesty, I'm going to warn you that I am not going to look all that good in this one. You know how sometimes, I appear to really have it all together and think really deep, meaningful things about Jesus and look like the super-saved? Well, this probably isn't going to be one of those. But I'm hoping that when you finish reading this, you'll recognize some of yourself in it and cut me some slack--and be encouraged in your own walk with Christ.

So, the story here begins at school. Something happened (nope, no details) at school that really hurt one of my kids. And it was an adult who hurt my kid. Now, one of my quirks is that while I am rarely upset with teenagers (is that hard for you to imagine, since I spend so much time with them?), I am often upset with other adults. Some are unthinking, some are insensitive, and some are just downright mean. And I just can't stand it. It kills me when people who are supposed to be called by God to work with kids are just downright ugly to them. And this person was (unintentionally, unthinkingly) ugly to my child in front of me. Then this person was ugly to a couple of my students in front of me. I have fumed since Wednesday about this. I'm not kidding. I've practiced what I want to say to this person in the shower. (Don't look like the super-saved right now, do I?) Thoughts of anger toward this person have interrupted my quiet time. You see what I'm saying? Ever been that angry with someone?

On the flip side of this person is Tim Wiley, who is the chaplain at our school. Tim is young, has a beautiful wife, a darling little boy, and is my kids' pastor right now. We believe him to be an absolutely solid man of God. He is what you pray your youth minister is--funny and interesting, but also thoughtful and sensitive to the kids' individuality, and above all, Christ-like. He is kind and encouraging and challenging all at once. And when he announced to the juniors that he was leaving after this year, Sarah Beth honestly came to me and said she couldn't be at the school without him there. He is an answer to prayer for us. So when he came to me yesterday (when lots of kids were out at a tournament in St. Pete) and asked if my ninth graders wanted to come to elementary chapel, I decided it would be worth my time to see if the kids wanted to go. They did, and so we spent the first period of the day worshiping with kindergarten through 5th grade. I thought it would be fun for my kids to get to be the "big kids" in chapel. What I didn't know is that God was really waiting for ME to stand up and be the "big kid."

Leading chapel with Tim was Shane Lehman, another truly wonderful man of God at the school. Always, when we get discouraged about school, my kids come back to the Lehmans. Shane and his wife, Katie, are such wonderful people--the kind who see their job as teachers as a ministry to students. Katie is Sarah Beth's English teacher, and Shane is Hannah's Bible teacher, and there is no way for me to put into words how each has impacted our family. They are simply adored by the girls (and by their parents). So, the stage was set for God to have a little "come to Jesus" meeting with me, led by these two men I not only like but respect. I stood at the back, keeping an eye on my students, who behaved exactly as you would hope. And then I began listening. I listened as Tim talked about what worship is. I listened as Shane instructed the kids to look out the window, to see all the ways God announces His presence to us, that every tree, every grain of snow, every person we see is God's reminder that He is here. He has not left us. We are not alone. And then I listened to all those little voices sing, "We stand and lift up our hands, for the joy of the Lord is our strength." I suddenly realized that every single thing that had been said or sung during chapel had spoken to me exactly where I was at that moment. Bitter, angry, off-course, following my own emotions away from what God has for me. Marc is usually the person who keeps me from that kind of rip-tide, but for this time in our lives, Marc is often not here. So God provided a unique opportunity for me to meet with Him and be reminded of His great love. Of His absolute faithfulness. Of His command to be strong in the joy that only He can provide.

I'm so grateful for our great and mighty God, who cares that this adult hurt my kid. I'm so grateful for our great and mighty God, who cares that I was being swallowed by anger and loneliness (yeah, it's pretty hard to be alone so much). I'm so grateful for our great and mighty God, who met me at elementary chapel yesterday and reminded me of His great and never-ending love for me. I'm so grateful for our great and mighty God, who used people who usually minister to my kids to minister to my heart. He's good all the time. And yes, all the time He is good.

Well, I have to make my kids' homeschool order for next year final today, so I need to run. We are heading into two chaotic weeks, and I want everything to be as clean and orderly at home as possible, so today is definitely going to be a work day at the homestead. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that God is using the people in your life to lead you closer to Him, and that your husband is bringing you fat-free flavored coffee creamer from the States this week!! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Lord, save me!

Marc in the splendor of his cold-weather gear. That's not gray in his beard, by the way--it's ice. I believe this was taken in Sergut, in northern Siberia.

They became very much afraid and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?" Mark 4:41

I am at home with a sick child (John John, who sounds like a seal in the other room), so I thought I'd take a few minutes to "check in" with all of you. The girls are on their way to school, Marc is at the airport on his way to the States, and I am enjoying a second cup of English Tea Time. (Norma, if you read this--please send some Constant Comment, because we're out!) My house is relatively quiet--minus the sounds of Spongebob Squarepants drifting from the living room, where John John is on the couch with his stuffed husky and blankey--affording me some peace and quiet in which to think. I don't know about your home, but in our home, peace and quiet is a rare and priceless commodity, so I try to take advantage of it when I can.

I received a call about 4 a.m. yesterday. Normally, it would have woken me, but since I was already up (the nyquil had worn off), it was no big deal. The voice on the other end of the phone was my great friend Janet Wells, who relayed the unbelievable news that the choir at our home church, First Baptist Middleburg, Florida, had collected the rest of the money needed for Sarah Beth's Uganda trip, plus some. Sarah Beth leaves for Uganda in just about five weeks, and we were beginning to sweat the last $425, because we certainly couldn't afford it. But, as usual, God knew that, and supplied the money in a way that glorified Him. Isn't He just ridiculously good? I mean, honestly--aren't you sometimes just overwhelmed by it?

I'm reading through Mark, and today I read about the storm. They're in the boat, they think they're dying, and Jesus is calm and asleep, completely at peace in spite of what seems like a deadly situation. They wake Him, He calms the sea and wind with just a word, and then chastises them for their lack of faith. I don't think He's upset that they were scared--a storm at sea is scary--I think it was their absolute panic as if He wasn't in charge that frustrated Him. Then, of course, they are amazed and fearful, wondering who this is, that He can control the sea and wind with just a word. Before we get too superior, thinking that if WE were in the boat, we'd have been sipping tea, basking in the peace that comes from knowing the Master of the wind and sea, let's all admit that we are guilty of this. "LORD!!" we call out in panic as something happens that we don't understand or that makes us fearful. "Save me!" I wear a ring around my right ring finger (where Russians wear their wedding band) that says, "Lord, save and protect me" in Russian, so I don't think there's anything wrong with calling out to the Lord. What I do think is wrong is that sometimes I call out because I think He's unaware. I think He's forgotten me. I think He's left to go do something more crucial or be with someone more important than I. That's where I sin. I call out to remind Him of my situation, when in reality, He not only knows my situation...He knows exactly what's going to happen. He never leaves me. He never forsakes me. He never thinks someone or something else is more important. He does not promise me a life without troubles, but He promises me I will not face those troubles alone. And so, no matter what I face--a couple of weeks without Marc, a health problem, nagging colds we cannot get rid of, decisions about our future, or changes on the field that we do not understand and that directly impact people we love and adore--I am not panicked. He is here. He knows. And I am here to testify to you this morning--there is great peace and comfort in that, and I am grateful for it.

Well, I should get some work done before my girls get home this afternoon, so it's off to the ironing board for me. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for loving me and my family, for encouraging us with your kind words and your prayers. I'm not sure I've thanked you lately, but I always want you to know--I am grateful for you. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are experiencing calm in whatever storm you face because you know the One who controls the sea and wind, and that your daughter's mission trip to Uganda has been paid for by people who have blessed you in ways they cannot imagine. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

A cord of three strands

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12


I have been wanting to write this post for a while now, but have struggled with how to do it and not hurt people's feelings. After all, if your friend writes a blog about friendship and doesn't mention you, that's pretty hurtful. I definitely don't want to do that. So before I even start, please know that I have many friends all over the world, people I love, and I can't possibly mention all of their names. But I really think this is a post God has laid on my heart to write, because friendship is such an important thing for women.

Several years ago, through a series of unfortunate events, I allowed the enemy to convince me that (a) I didn't need friends, and (b) I wasn't likable, so I didn't deserve friends. From the perspective of several years down the road, I can see how silly it was for me to buy into this belief, but I did, and I can't change that. And just for the record, God used this series of events to work in my life in ways I can't even put into words, so while I'm not wanting to go through a time like this again, I am grateful for the way He can use any situation to work in the heart of those who love Him. After the events were over, I concentrated on my job, my marriage, and my family, and I certainly had lots of people who called me friend, but I kept everyone around me, especially other women, at arm's length. (Except for one person...thank you, Kimmie. Have I ever said that before? If not, it's way overdue.) I wasn't interested in investing in other women, because I had bought into the lie that friendships with women were a great source of pain. Unfortunately, I carried that belief to training in Richmond, determined that I wasn't going to get too involved with other women. HA!!! God had completely different ideas, and it was at FPO that God began to do something miraculous and inspiring and wonderful in my life...He gave me real friends.

Now, if you have a whole group of friends, this might not seem miraculous to you, but it was to me. Suddenly, I found myself in a situation where I could not resist people. It started at our candidate conference, where we met precious people to whom we are still very close. I met my beloved, wonderful friend Tara at candidate conference, and we loved one another on the spot. I couldn't help it. She made me laugh. I was hooked. In the two years I have known Tara (can it only be two years, Tar? That seems impossible to me), we have shared tons of laughter, a great love for each other's children, seemingly impossible living situations in our respective countries, the sudden, unexpected deaths of the women we considered our mentors on the field (within two weeks of one another), and endless hours of talking on the phone through our year and a half on the field. Whenever I am faced with something I know I cannot handle alone, God has given me Tara and a vonage phone...two great gifts. Tara has taught me that friendship should be open, honest, and filled with laughter.

At FPO, I met Melissa, also completely irresistible. Funny, loving, quiet, opinionated, and totally accepting of my every flaw, Melissa has taught me how to have a low-key, comfortable, I'd-do-anything-for-you-but-we-don't-have-to-make-a-big-deal-out-of-it friendship. At FPO, I also met the other women headed to CEE. I spent hours putting together puzzles, laughing, worshiping, and sitting through some LONG sessions with these women. I still giggle when I go back through our notes from FPO, because invariably, I have some note written in my notebook from Melissa, Erin, Rachel, or Tara, and it reminds me of sitting at that table, laughing and joking and getting ready to be on the field. From the women of CEE at our FPO, I learned that true friendship crosses age gaps, living situations, interests, and stages of life. Real friends love each other. Period.

Here in Moscow, I have been blessed with many friendships, and each has taught me something different. When I first arrived, I learned so much from my friendships with Cathy and Karla, the two other wives of the three family units on our team. Cathy will say whatever is on her mind, even if it's something you don't want to hear, but she will somehow make it seem kind. Cathy is generous and funny, and our time together was meaningful and important to me. Karla is practical, and she taught me a lot about how to get things done here. Karla showed up with her van to take me to the store, showed me where things were, what they were called, and how to make refried beans on my own. We ate countless meals at her table, and I always cherished just being with her. Cathy and Karla taught me that friendship is a team effort, and that it can make all the difference between being here and going home.

On Tuesdays, I meet with a group of women and we eat and have prayer together and talk about a book we're studying. These women--Leslie, Lori, Frances, Donna, Terry and Lisa--give me something to look forward to each week. I don't always make it, especially when Marc is out of town, but I am always blessed by the time we spend together. My friendship with these women has taught me that relationships based on a mutual love for Christ and a heart for the lost are renewing, and that real friends spend time discussing the big stuff in life.

Any discussion of friendship would be incomplete without Frances. What can I tell you about Frances? I, who hate to talk on the phone, spent an hour on the phone with her just last night. She is funny and giving and loving and generous and outspoken and she just makes my life here better. I could not have survived Moscow without Frances. Everyone needs a friend like her--I don't care where you live. From Frances, I have learned that it's worth the time to invest time in each other, whether it's in person or on the phone.

I have another friend here, with whom I spent Saturday night at a delightful Colonial tea for her daughter's birthday. This friend is honest and funny and warm and loving, and she makes me slap my knees in laughter. I am profoundly grateful for her friendship, even though we don't get to spend tons of time together, because she is open and honest about her own struggles, and I know I can be open and honest about mine. From this friend I have learned that real friends don't have to always have it all together in front of each other, that part of real friendship is sharing the journey with one another.

There are friends at home, relationships that have deepended on Facebook, people who have been faithful to pray for us and with us, people I am looking forward to spending time with when we arrive Stateside. From these women, I have learned that the lies I believe from the enemy rob me of great and meaningful relationships, and it is worth my time to focus on what God says is true. I am looking forward to spending time with these women who have made me feel loved from thousands of miles away.

There are my college friends, with whom I have reunited on Facebook. One in particular, Shelli, is so faithful to pray and to encourage. She sends my kids Phineas and Ferb episodes on iTunes (which is a gift for all of us--have you watched it? It's hysterical), sends us messages, and just generally loves and supports us. What would we do without her? And how fun is it to reconnect with the people who knew you when you had huge hair? From these friends, I have learned that there is great value in history, in investing in people's lives for the long haul.

And finally, no mention of what I have learned about friendship would be complete without talking about Teri. Oh, my friends, how I miss her. She was funny and kind and honest and encouraging. She listened to me complain, but then offered ways to fix my situation. Above all, she loved my children. Never once did I get a call from Teri that didn't start with, "How is Hannah? John John? Sarah Beth?" She wept with me over my kids' transition problems, offered help wherever she could, taught me how to make my own pizza sauce out of tomato paste, and just generally made my life here so much better. Her life challenged me to be a better wife, a better mother, and a better Christian. I pray at the end of my life, someone will be able to say the same of me. Teri taught me that friendship is about being interested in the other person's life and serving them, about putting hands-and-feet to friendship, no matter what is going on in your own life.

I am so thankful and grateful for the friendships God has given me in this season of my life. There are so many other things I could tell you about what I'm learning, other people I could tell you about who I know you would love as much as I do. I didn't even mention the precious journeygirls who have populated my life for the last two years, loving young women who have invested in my life and in the lives of my children. I haven't mentioned Patsy, who encourages me from a thousand miles away in another part of Russia, even though we've only spent a few minutes together, or Suzanne, who lives, quite literally, half a world away in another part of Russia but is one of my all-time favorite people, or Stacy, a friend in Prague who I am so looking forward to spending time with when we move...or a dozen other people who have taught me so much about friendship. Above all, I hope this is what you walk away with from this blog--friendship, in whatever form you find it, is such a gift from the giver of all good things. Friendship built on a foundation of love for Christ enriches life in such a profound way that it's completely worth the effort it takes to develop--no matter how far apart you may find yourselves. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are giving thanks for the friends God has graced your life with, and that your husband is headed home today from the top of the world. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Moved by Compassion

I thought you might like to see our cat, Notchka. Here, she is sitting on the kids' windowsill, looking bored. This is her normal expression.
Notchka in Hannah's bed, which is where she normally resides. She is also known as Nochums, Nochypoo, the Russian Spy, Preschy, and my personal favorite, Presh-muffin. Don't ask. I don't know. "Notch" in Russian means night.


The LORD's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 2:22-23

I am up early this morning, so I have a few minutes to blog. Marc left an hour or so ago for the airport--Team Engage Russia is heading to Murmansk, which is the largest city in the Arctic Circle. He'll come home late on Monday, be home a couple of days, and then head to a meeting in Richmond for about ten days. Then we hit kids' birthdays, so he's home for a bit. I have to admit to being spoiled by the ten consecutive days he was home this time. It was wonderful, even if it was due to his broken toe. The toe is healing, but it's pretty slow. Please continue to pray for him--he's in quite a bit of pain, and I'm sure the cold where he's headed won't exactly anesthetize the hurt. The kids and I are headed later this afternoon to a birthday party on the north side of Moscow, so we're kind of lazing around right now. The best news of all is that we had Friday off and we also have Monday off for winter break. Yea, us! When you have to hoof it through snow and ice to school every morning, the days off just seem like precious jewels.

Marc and I are reading a book right now that we're both really enjoying. It's called I Once Was Lost, and it's about reaching postmoderns. (Russians are generally considered postmoderns.) It's a really interesting book. One of the things it has caused me to do is go back and read the Gospels, starting with Mark. I don't know about you, but it seems to me that I spend a lot of time everywhere else, but I never spend time in the Gospels. It isn't a purposeful thing...it just kind of happens. And so, I am rereading Mark right now. Mark is a good book--energetic, fast-paced--and I wonder if it were published today how it would do on the New York Times Bestseller List. I'm betting pretty well. I read this week the story of Jesus healing the leper in the very first chapter. He steps up to him, puts His hand on the leper, and heals him. In the margin, I had written, "Jesus could have healed him from six feet away, but He chose to get close and touch him." In another part of the same story, I was struck by four little words..."Moved by compassion, Jesus..."

You know how you can read a part of the Bible that you've read a thousand times, and it can suddenly mean something new to you? I know I've read that story a bunch of times, but this time those four words hit me HARD. Lump in the throat hard. Tears hard. Really, really hard. You know why? Because I'm not sure how much of my life could be characterized by "moved by compassion, Kellye..." Don't get me wrong. I feel compassion for my husband, for my kids, my parents, my sisters, my friends, even my students. But I love those people. It isn't hard to feel compassion for them. But when was the last time God could write, "Moved by compassion, Kellye smiled at the beggar by the metro" or "Moved by compassion, Kellye helped the babushka who had shoved her out of the way to get on the bus"? Here in Moscow, when push literally comes to shove, how often is my reaction to be moved by compassion? Almost never. One on one, I adore the many Russians who populate my life. As a collective, they often tick me off a bit. But the sentence God should be writing about my life is "Moved by compassion for the lost, Kellye..." Marc often reminds me that it's unfair to be angry at lost people for acting like lost people, and it's unfair to be angry at Russians for acting like Russians, and for the most part, I can live by that credo. But making the move from not being angry to having compassion...that, my friends, is a God-sized order. I am not capable of that on my own. But with Him, anything is possible. And so this week, I have been praying to be moved by compassion for those around me. And little by little, I can feel the love of God melting the frozen tundra that my heart has become.

Well, I have to head to the store to pick up some things, and it's pouring snow outside, so I should skedaddle. I don't really mind the snow as much as you might guess, but the ice...some days I just want to throw a tantrum and refuse to get out in it. I'm assuming, however, that becoming a hermit in my own apartment is not God's plan for me this year, so I forge on, doing my version of ice-skating and trying not to hurt myself on the ice. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are being moved by compassion for the lost who surround you, and that you don't have to walk a mile to the store in the snow. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

For such a time as this

Dan and Daddy in front of Lenin's tomb. They went in to view Lenin's body while they were here. The mausoleum sits on Red Square.
I love this picture of St. Basil's. I know you can't see the colors (a visiting priest once said it was hard to believe that a people who could withstand all the crazy colors of St. Basil's actually believed in God), but I like the image of the onion domes set against the gray of the Moscow afternoon. When we leave Moscow this summer, we will miss the onion domes of Orthodox churches very, very much.

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this? Esther 4:14

It's been a wild week at the Hooks' house. Our van died, Marc came home from Udmurtia with a broken toe that has basically taken him out of commission all week, Hannah got sick on Friday, and Sarah Beth got sick yesterday. We are stuck inside today, trying desperately to get everyone well enough to go to school tomorrow. Perhaps the hardest part of the week was the official word from dear friends that they would not be returning to Moscow from Stateside assignment. There has certainly been no lack of things to think about this week, things to ponder and wonder about as I tended to gimp-man or the sick girls. (Just my little nicknames for various members of my family.)

We're reading Esther with John and Hannah in the mornings. (Sarah Beth is 16, and I'm doing well just to get her out of bed.) I'm studying the book, too, so it's fun to share some of the things I've learned about the book with them. It's important at this juncture in our lives that they both know that God has a plan, even when it's unclear to us what that plan is or that He's even present in our lives. We've learned a lot in the last 16 months about ignoring how we feel in favor of what we know to be true. Of course, that's easier to write than it is to do. And so, "for such a time as this" has been on my mind. God's plan to bring us to Russia for such a time as this was startling to us...completely unexpected and out of the blue. His plan to move us to Prague for the next segment of our lives is no less startling. But as I look back, as I think about the ways He has brought us to today, to this moment in our lives, I am also startled by the ways in which He has carefully prepared us for this time. Marc and I watched Fireproof last night and loved it. I thought one of the best ideas in the movie was that having a fireproof marriage didn't mean that fire never came, but that when it did, the marriage would withstand it. Marc and I have not led perfect lives, nor have we had the perfect marriage. But I can clearly see how every stage of our lives has brought us to this moment and prepared us for what He knew was in store for us. Our first year on the field was one of the most difficult times our marriage has ever withstood. But we got through it because we knew that it was a season. We knew that better times were coming, that transition was making us a little nuts, that living in a two-bedroom apartment with three children was making life even harder, and that the frustration we felt being full-time language students and full-time parents was making us focus critical eyes on each other. And now, I'm glad to say, better times have come. Life has not necessarily gotten tons and tons easier, but we've relearned the value of our marriage, of its strength, of its fortitude. And that will help us withstand the next season, the next thing God has planned "for such a time as this." While we may not have a clue what lies beyond the next year in Prague, we do know that God can be trusted with our future, with our marriage, with our children. And in that, my friends, there is great comfort and peace and excitement about whatever is next.

Wherever you are in the world, I pray today that you are fluorishing wherever God has you "for such a time as this," and that everyone in your home is healthy. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye