Facebook, Transformers, Austen, and loving each other

Just some pics from Sochi this morning--Han with her sweet Aunt Diane. My kids (and their parents) are fans of Aunt Diane and Uncle Don!

I cannot remember the name of this app, but this is our friend, Jane, showing my kids how to make these hilarious videos. Clearly, they were delighted by it.

My pic of Uncle Brian taking a pic of Han. Uncle Brian and Aunt Inna are some of my kids' favorites.

But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me. Psalm 13:5-6

I am enjoying the laziest of lazy mornings. I have already had three cups of coffee (my limit before putting some food in my stomach), and there is fruit baked oatmeal in the oven (a yummy, yummy weight watchers recipe--look for it on pinterest), and so my whole apartment smells like apples and cinnamon. I've already talked to Sarah Beth this morning (I usually at least chat with her when I get up and before she goes to bed), and I've heard from both Marc (in Ukraine) and Hannah (in Spain) about what great trips they are having. After a night of Greek mythology and Percy Jackson, John is sound asleep in his room. (Saturday is--generally--his sleep-in-and-take-no-adhd-meds day.) And so, while the oatmeal is baking, I thought I'd check in with the outside world.

Lots and lots of random thoughts this morning. This was quite a big week for us. My parents have sold their house in Florida. That's big news. It's sad news, but it's not. It was hard for my kids, because that has been our stable place since coming overseas. They had the same reaction when my Aunt Angie and Uncle Raleigh sold their Florida home and built a house in our hometown of Clarksville, TN. It's part of who we, as a family, are, these places where our children have run and grown up. But life marches forward, and my parents really need to be near one of us. (Remember that they moved to Florida and WERE near one of us, but then ONE of us had to take off and move to Europe. Inconsiderate.) So that was big. Hannah turned sixteen on Wednesday, and we surprised her with a visit to Madrid, Spain, and one of her closest friends. That was fun. Marc went on a trip to Kiev, Ukraine, where he is working with some folks out of Richmond, but staying with one of his favorite people in all of Europe, so he is having a great time. John and I have had a pretty good week, enjoying some fun time together. There was a startling moment Thursday night when I heard a man's voice upstairs...only to discover that it was John. Hmmm....I'll leave that for another time.

Among the many things I've been thinking about is Facebook. I know there are people who think it's basically the downfall of civilized culture, and there are certainly things about it that I don't like. (If you are very political, for example, I have not unfriended you, but you are probably hidden from my news feed. I love you, but seriously--I can't take the ugliness.) But generally speaking, I love facebook, because I can keep in touch with people, see what my nieces and nephews are doing (whether my nieces and nephews by blood or because we have lived overseas together), know how to pray for folks, keep up with our home church...if you try, you can find lots of uses for facebook other than those that are negative. This morning, for example, I played a little guessing game with some friends (including two of my college roommates) about which movie trilogy is my favorite (and thus my pick for John and I to watch today/tonight). (For the record, it's Transformers. Yep. You read that right. Transformers. I love them. Bumblebee is my favorite. Don't judge me.) In turn, I have agreed to reread some Jane Austen books, which I do not like, but I am willing to give a second chance in deference to my long friendship with the two who were my college roommates. (And because I SHOULD like Jane Austen. I am a complete and total book nerd. But she's so...girly. I don't know. I'm going to try, Deb and Jerrie. I really am.) Plus, it's a way for my parents and sisters to check in on us, and to keep up with what's going on with the kids. (My mother reads every single thing any of us puts on facebook--diligently. She is serious about keeping up with all the grandkids. It's pretty impressive.) So, if you choose to use it well, facebook is a way to encourage others, to participate in their lives, to love them. Marc uses it to pray over people and situations during his quiet time every morning--a practice I've heard several people mention. Like anything cultural, it can be used for good or evil, but it's your choice how you use it.

I also have been thinking about Christian blogs. This is, technically, a Christian blog. And I have several friends overseas who blog diligently and whom I follow. But those aren't really the blogs I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the big guys--denominational guys, sites, seminary presidents and professors...you know, the big guys. I read some with whom I usually agree, and I read some with whom I generally disagree. But I do read them. But lately...I don't know...they talk about stuff I just find very disconnected from my daily journey as a person of faith. If I tell you that I don't really understand what Calvinism or Reformed Christianity or Landmarkism is, will you think less of me? Because I'm serious about what I believe, I really, really am. And I think it's important to know exactly what I believe and what I profess as a Christian and as a Baptist. I do. But as I grow older and (hopefully) more spiritually mature, as I diligently look at and study the life and person of Jesus...maybe it's a very simplistic approach or view...but I just keep coming back to love. Loving God, loving people. Jesus had serious compassion. He wept for Jerusalem and longed to gather its people like a mother hen gathers her chicks in protection. He loved Peter, even though He knew...He KNEW Peter would let Him down and deny Him. But He also knew that Peter would be crushed by that failure, and He had compassion for him.  He Loved, with a capital 'L.' He was diligent and serious about loving people. More and more, on a daily basis, my requests of God look like this: show me who You are. Let me know You. Help me to love like You love. Sift my heart, because there is nothing good in it that isn't You, and make me more like You. Help me to love everyone better--my family, my friends, those with whom I have a relationship, but also those with whom I disagree, those who are sometimes ugly, those who sometimes accuse and say things that simply aren't true. Help me to love them, too. Not because it will get me somewhere or make me happier or make me anything, but because You love them. Don't all things for the believer and follower of Jesus Christ come down to love? Increasingly, I think they do.

Now, don't walk away thinking that I'm some hippy-dippy, free-lovin' wild woman, or that I don't think there are hills to die on in terms of what I believe. Of course there are. This is not an I'm-okay-you're-okay-all-paths-lead-to-the-same-place kind of post. Because I don't believe that. Clearly I don't believe that. Jesus is THE way, THE truth, THE life, and the Bible clearly says that no one comes to the Father but through Him. But once that truth is acknowledged, once that is accepted in the core of our souls...then it is about loving Him and loving the people He loved enough to sacrifice Himself so that they could be saved. I don't know what you want on your tombstone, but I certainly don't want it to say that I was a person who loved a reasonable, logical amount. I want my life story to be one of someone who loved unreasonably and illogically and extravagantly out of the overflow of my Savior's love for me. That's a lot to put on my tombstone, but I hope it's the truth, nonetheless.

Well, the baked oatmeal is out of the oven, and there is laundry to do before John gets up and our Transformers marathon begins. Wherever you are in the world, whether you are an atheist, a noncomformist, a Calvinist, a Landmarkist, or just a person trying to follow Jesus the best you can, I hope you know how deep and wide the Father's love for you is, and I hope the end of your life is marked by tributes of the extravagance of your love for the Father and for the people He sent your way. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

To Han, Nan, Hannachka, Hannah Jane...on your sixteenth birthday

My beautiful girl with her Momma

At Krasnaya Polyana, Sochi, Russia

With her much-beloved Aunt Dalese in front of Stephansdom in Vienna

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Darling Hannah,

Sixteen. Unbelievable. Yesterday, you were the baby who roamed Ridgeview High sucking her two middle fingers. Today, you're sixteen. The little girl who, when the fire alarm went off at daycare, said, "Don't worry, it's just a dwill. Fowwow me," has seen a good bit of the world, experienced some 'normal' stuff, and so far, lived a pretty extraordinary life in some of God's most beautiful places. The girl who told us, upon our arrival in Moscow, that it was time to go home, has become the girl who always reminds us, "But we're called. We can't go back." Sixteen. Wow.

We are very proud of you, Daddy and I. You often amaze us just by being you.  Of the five of us, Han, you have been sifted by God the most. Everyone has had their struggles on the field, and certainly, we've all learned a great deal. But you have spent some very, very unhappy time overseas, and yet--amazingly--you remain a pretty optimistic person. It is the thing in you that is most like your Daddy and least like me. Your view of people, your lack of cynicism, your love for the underdog...those are not qualities you got from your Momma. You inspire great loyalty in people, deep love and affection, and I think it's your genuine kindness that makes people so attached to you. You make me kinder by reminding me that everyone has their troubles, and that we have to really feel for people.  I'm not a feeler, but you are. I love that about you.

I love your heart for the lost. I've watched you weep at the lostness around you. I've literally watched you put your head on the table and sob for beloveds who do not know your Jesus. That heart, the one that is so attuned to see the world through the lens of how much they need Jesus--that heart is being prepared for something. I don't know what it is. I really don't. But when you sobbed over the call to prayer in Turkey, I knew then...God has something for you that He is, even now, tuning your heart for, making it softer and softer toward those He loves dearly, but who do not know Him. I'd be lying if I said that didn't scare me a little. For the first time, I think, I understand how hard it is to be on the other side of this equation--the parent who sends a much-beloved child into the unknown darkness. But I trust Him, Han, even with you and your brother and sister. I see daily how much He loves you. I know His plan for you is perfect and better than mine, which involves you marrying a nice man, having 2.5 lovely children, and living next door to me for the rest of your life. He loves you enough to prepare you diligently for what is ahead in your life. And I trust Him to do that.

I love that you are not afraid to be honest with God. I didn't learn that quality at your age, that truth for my life. I tried to make God think I had it all together. But you don't. You question. You push Him a little, knowing that He loves you and can handle the big questions. What is He doing? You've asked me--and Him--that more than once in the last two years. And I think the answer you are coming to, when that question seems unanswerable, is that you don't know, but you know Him. You know how good and faithful and loving He is, how just and holy and righteous. But you don't seem Him as the 'big guy in the sky' with His finger on the button if you displease Him. We have all learned this truth--trouble, hard times...these are not signs of the displeasure of our God. You KNOW Him, Han. At sixteen, that's a pretty amazing thing.

So, darling Hannah, on your sixteenth birthday, here is my prayer for you: That you would know how deep the Father's love is for you. That you would follow Him all the days of your life. That you would know that your outer beauty is nothing in comparison to your inner beauty--your kind heart, your gentle soul, your love for mankind. And yes, I pray that somewhere out there, God is preparing some wonderful young man who is going to think all the things about you that are silly and funny and quirky are adorable, that he is going to fall in love with you, marry you, and lead you to follow God wherever He leads. I pray that you always look at hard times, bad situations, and mean people and say to yourself, "Well...someday this will make a good story." Because what you have learned at sixteen, and what will only grow in your life as you mature, is that God doesn't waste hardship or trouble, that He really does work all things together for the good of those who love Him, that He makes all things new, and that these light and momentary troubles are producing something beautiful--in your life and in your heart. Someday, Han, all these things really will be a great story...a story about what God can do in a young woman's life when she is completely, fully, unashamedly, radically in love with her Savior. That's the story He is writing in your life, Han. And while sometimes it's hard to watch Him write that story, sometimes it's super painful to watch you go through what don't seem very light or momentary troubles, it's also a privilege to watch you grow into the person He created you to be. It's an amazing honor to be your Momma. I'm so glad God chose me for you.

I love you more than life, darling girl. I could not be prouder of you.

Happy birthday!
Momma

Learning to unclench my fist

I haven't uploaded my Turkey pics, yet, so I thought I'd share this sweet one of Han and Marc in the mountains at Krasnaya Polyana, Russia.

Han is a big help to her Dad, because--like all my kids--she has gotten some of his gifts for all things media. Here she is taping a greeting from him for the Engage Sochi project.

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4

It's a quiet morning here in Vienna. Marc is in Moscow, the kids are still asleep, and it's pouring snow on this cold April morning. WHAT?!?! What happened to Spring? I guess we left it in Turkey. Speaking of Turkey--what a wonderful week we spent there. We started with great Engage Sochi team meetings (minus one family--they should be on the ground in Russia soon), where we not only got a lot done, but also had great time together. We adore our Engage Sochi teammates. Honestly. I'm not just saying that to be nice. We really love them and treasure them. It may honestly be one of the best combinations of personalities ever. We can talk, disagree, hash things out, discuss, disagree some more--but always with a deep love for one another, for Jesus, and for the city we are all so focused on right now. What a treasure that is. What a true gift. We went from great team time to great time with the wider group of friends who came together. Yes, we had great preaching and teaching and worship time together, but we also just had fun. We're grateful for our friends from Russia and elsewhere, not just for their encouragement and kindness to us, but also for the really great times of laughter and story-telling and more laughter. If you have those kinds of friends, you know how wonderful they are. I pray that you do have those kinds of friends in your life--people who 'get' you on deep levels, but like you, anyway. :) We are blessed. Truly, truly blessed.

There were many great pieces of wisdom to take away from our time together. We have been the recipients of so much great preaching and teaching in our time overseas, and this was certainly one of the best meetings we've been to in that regard. What was interesting to me was how many people seemed to be in the same place, needing the same teaching or encouragement or challenge. The preaching centered on the Psalms, and not just the 'happy' Psalms, but also the ones that are full of weakness and discouragement and woe. (I love the word 'woe.' I know that makes me a nerd, but isn't it a great word? Really. Nothing else describes woe like woe.) In a difficult season, I can't think of anything more encouraging than knowing that weakness isn't a disqualification for ministry. God calls the weak, because in my weakness, His power and glory are certainly magnified. In a difficult season, the admonition that today is not a snapshot of how the rest of your life is going to be, not something to hang on the wall as a done deal--truly, truly meaningful. The idea that the only spiritual discipline is abiding in Jesus--challenging to this checklist girl, for whom it's so easy to think my quiet time is something to get done and is the fulfillment of my spiritual disciplines. But resting as a spiritual discipline? Trusting God? OUCH.

So lots and lots of great things to take away from our time in Turkey, things I'm still mulling and coming to terms with and trying to apply to my daily faith journey. But nothing made more of an impact on me than something said in a private conversation. I'm a metaphor girl. I understand the world in terms of metaphors, and they often speak to me in a way that means more to me in my soul than just the words with which they are constructed. And I am married (thank heavens!) to the king of the metaphor. Marc often helps me understand things by describing them in metaphors. As we were talking to friends who have really invested in us, who know us and have taken the time to know us, who really care about us, the husband clearly described what, for me, is the hardest thing in my life--spiritually--right now. He said that it seemed to him that our challenge was raising our hands to God in an act of sacrifice and submission and not with a clenched fist. I almost jumped up and shouted, "YES!!! THAT'S IT!!!" Now, of course, the hard part is not necessarily identifying the challenge but actually doing it. How do you--in a season of hard stuff--open your hand to whatever is in God's plan, even when you don't understand it??

I don't know about you, but I am at a point in my life when I understand (finally!) that nothing is hidden from God. There was a time when my prayer journal was flowery and pretty, and made me look really 'spiritual.' Not necessarily because I thought anybody would ever read them, but because I wanted God to think He hadn't made a mistake in calling me to this life. I wanted Him to feel like His investment in my life was worthwhile. Those days are over. My prayer journal does not make me look very good, sometimes. In fact, it exposes the ugliness of my soul quite often. There are many days when the gist of my prayer is, "C'mon, God! Give me a break!" Because the truth is--He already knows what a mess I am without Him. I'm broken. I'm a cracked jar of clay. (And sometimes a crackpot. Hahahahaha....oh, I love a pun.) There is NOTHING in me that is hidden from Him. But here, I think, is the secret to unclenching my fist: He knows me, and He loves me beyond my comprehension, anyway. He knows me. He loves me. He has never left me. He will never leave me. He loves Marc, Sarah Beth, DJ, Hannah and John more than I will ever be able to love them...and I love them with everything in me. His plan for me, for us, is rooted in that love. There is nothing about His plan that is cruel or unkind or unloving. Nothing. Even the stuff I don't get. Rooted in His love for us, love that turned its back on the throne of Heaven and its face toward the Cross. Willingly and knowingly and with me and mine on His heart, He died. And yes, Easter is wonderful because Sunday arrives, and He walks out of that tomb, and He saves the whole world. But on Friday, when He willingly gives up His life for me in a brutal, horrible death He did not deserve but I did--He paints a picture for me and my metaphor-loving heart that says, "This. This is how much I love you. I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. I choose death out of My deep, deep love for you. You can trust Me." Recognizing this kind of love, knowing it is for me (and you and the whole world)...it seems to me that this is how I unclench my fist, raise it toward Him and trust. No matter what emotions say. No matter how much I miss Sarah Beth, or how much I worry about my parents, or how much I want my children to be happy.

I want you to think well of me. I want you to think I have it all together. So sharing my struggles and being as transparent as I can in such a public forum is hard for me. But I know this for sure--I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I'm not the only one in a rough season. And if you're not in a rough season, hold on, because it's coming. Because our life is made up of hills and valleys and plateaus and moments of great joy and moments of great grief. That is what it is to be human. But in His lovingkindness, He has given us proof everywhere of how much He loves us, what a treasure we are to Him. Sometimes it's just the beauty of His creation, signs of a loving Father who pleasures in surrounding us with beauty. Sometimes it's one less stress in life, knowing that He enables us to get through stuff we aren't able to do on our own. Sometimes it's a group of friends at Burger King, telling stories and laughing and reveling in being together, even if it is once a year. Sometimes it's a friend who quietly loves, who quietly puts a hand on your shoulder, who whispers in your ear, "It's not a snapshot to frame." But always, it takes a willing heart to recognize that all those things are God's blessings. They aren't chance or coincidence or karma. They are a loving Father who knows what I need at any given moment, and happily provides it for me. I hope and pray that's an encouragement to you in your season of difficulty or sunshine, whether you're in a sunny beach season or it's pouring snow all around you. He's there. I promise He is.

Well, Hannah is up and needing attention. Both my kids came back from Turkey with sore throats, and she is running a fever and feeling terrible this morning. Urgh. But she is looking forward to this weekend, when her sweet friend visits, and I'm looking forward to time with our guests, too. More blessings from the kindness of the Father's heart. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are looking for the ways God is encouraging your heart, and that it's NOT snowing where you are. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye