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| Someone said I look like I'm waiting for the punchline in this picture. With Sarah Beth, I'm always waiting for the punchline, because she is a funny, funny girl. |
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| At Starbucks with her beloved Aunt Tina |
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| After dessert with her beloved Aunt Stacy |
I'm going to be honest--I'm not feeling it this morning. You know--it. The joy and happiness and excitement over what the day might hold, over what God has in store. Nope. I haven't slept well in a week, and I made the mistake of taking Tylenol PM last night, thinking it would make my back better. I was wrong. It just gave me a Tylenol PM hangover. And the very, very long needle that the doctor used to pump anesthetic and steroids into my lower back in order to give me pain relief has given me some pain relief, but I'm still in a great deal of pain. And Sarah Beth went back to America. And my cat died. And...well, you get the idea. It has not been a great few months for us. Poor, poor me. I think I'll go and eat worms. (That's what we used to say to the kids. Now that they're 20, 15 and 11, they don't think that's cute or funny. It just elicits an eye roll.) But seriously--have you ever had a season in which it just feels like nothing goes right? I'm in that season. Right now. This morning. And I'm kind of ready to be out of it.
When Hannah had so many problems when we first arrived in Russia, we said to her again and again, "Emotions are liars." In fact, now all you have to do is say the word emotions, and she robotically fills in 'are liars.' So how come that was the answer for her, but not for me? The answer, of course, is that it IS the answer for me. Sometimes, our emotions tells us stuff that simply isn't true. Thank goodness our emotions are not the only thing we have to rely on, right? That book I open every morning and read and study and devour says that I am never at the mercy of whatever is going on around me, that the God of Everything is in control. His plans aren't mine. His ways aren't mine. But His heart for me is true and good and merciful and gracious. He cares. He cares that my cat died. (Can you tell we're pretty devastated?) He cares that I hurt my knee two months ago, then herniated my disc. He cares about my pain. He cares that I feel yucky from two months of not vigorously exercising. He cares that Hannah didn't really want to come back to Vienna. He cares that we, as a family, are going through a dry spell. I'm not alone. And so, if I am who I say I am, and if I believe what I say I believe, I cannot live my life as one who is alone in the midst of a season of adversity. Because I'm NEVER alone. We as a family are NEVER alone. He promised. And He's proven Himself again and again to be the ultimate promise keeper. Surely there is comfort to be found in that.
And so, we trudge on. In my case, pretty slowly, but trudging still. :) Pray for us as we seek to understand what God is up to in this really weird season of our lives. We leave tomorrow for a time with some folks we really, really love and have for several years. We're praying to encourage and to be encouraged. We're praying for lots of laughter and fun and maybe even some deep conversations in which God reveals Himself. Who knows what He's up to? I know this for sure--whatever it is, I don't want to miss out on it because I'm off eating worms, too distracted by my feelings to see the truth around me. I'm not interested in that at all. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are setting aside your emotions to see the truth of God's love for you, and that you are leaving on a jet plane tomorrow to see people you love, too. Blessings to you and yours!!
His,
Kellye
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