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| Han and SB in front of the Starbucks near the Hofburg here in Wien |
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| John and Han at the Vienna airport, waiting to go to Greece |
I'm pretty sure that no matter where you live in the world, no matter what you do, no matter if you are a believer or not--this is a universal blog today. Because, my friends, this is a blog about letting our kids go. And I don't care who you are, that is the hardest thing on earth to do. As I sit here, Sarah Beth is on her way to college for her junior year half a world away. That has been harder for me to deal with than I thought it would be. I'm not going to lie--I shed a few tears over it yesterday. Hannah is on her way to see her best friend--in another country. And John and I are headed out to buy jeans and shoes today, but it's John and Mom day, not John John and Mommy day. Wasn't it John John and Mommy day yesterday? Seriously?!?!
It seems like yesterday that I was the mother of three kids, and today I'm the mother of an adult, a teenager, and a preteen. Here's something stark for those who know me--the "baby" we lived in the quad with at FPO (and who lives around the corner from us here in Vienna) starts kindergarten next week. What?!? Seriously. More than any other year I can remember, so many of our friends' kids, our overseas nieces and nephews are being dropped off at college for their freshman year. It's hard. So hard. I can remember driving away from the parking lot at John Brown University two years ago, sobbing, looking back at my little girl who looked so tiny and alone. Impossible. How did I do that? (I did it because my sister, Kay, was driving. Otherwise, I'm sure there would have been an accident.) Other friends, particularly overseas, are watching their first (or second or third) grandbabies grow up across an ocean from them. I can't even imagine that. It can be done--and done well--but it takes real effort to grandparent from the other side of the ocean. And it's enough to make anybody homesick.
But it's the way of things, right? We raise our kids so they can be independent. We raise them to leave. From the first diaper on, we train them to leave our nest. Now--I'm not saying that an empty nest is something I'm dreading--Marc lives an adventurous life, and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to live some of the adventure with him, rather than "keep the home fires burning," which is a nice way to say I stay home and take care of the apartment and the kids. I like Marc, and we have more in common than just our kids, and so we're going to enjoy the chance to do life just the two of us. But don't think for a second that it isn't hard for me to realize how swiftly time is moving. I love being a mom--something I never thought I'd say in my pre-Marc days. I love even the hard stuff, the tears and the sorrows, because they are the chance to share their lives. I love that Sarah Beth is in love, I love preparing for voice lessons for Han, I love shopping for organizing stuff for John, who starts middle school next week--I love being their mom so much. And I want to protect them from all harm and make their lives easy and wonderful and free from hurts. But that isn't reality, is it? However, what a privilege to be entrusted by God with the hurts and sorrows, the joys and triumphs of these three incredible people. Even more than ever before, I'm trying to savor and enjoy this season of life, when I get to play an active role in their lives.
Sometimes, this life overseas is hard for me, because it's so different from my life in the States. In the States, I had a clear identity as a teacher. I loved my job, I loved my students, I loved my school...I loved my life there. It was fulfilling to me. My role overseas is much, much more traditional. (Not that being a teacher isn't a traditional role for women.) I am a housewife and full-time mother. Yes, I have some ministry things that are in the works, and yes, I work at making relationships and learning German so I can deepen those relationships. But the main focus of my energy (besides God, of course), is my family. Marc and the kids are my job here. And sometimes, that seems pretty basic. I clean a lot. I help with homework. I make lunches and cookies for bake sales and have parties for them. I take care of the finance report. Let's be honest--that's not as glamorous a life as living in Vienna probably sounds. But in this season of cleaning and cooking and just loving on my family, it is clear to me that this is what God has for me right now. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is from the end of I Timothy, where Paul says, "O Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to you..." Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly unglamorous or am tempted to be tired of the daily ins and outs of full-time motherhood and wifehood, I substitute my own name. O Kellye, guard what has been entrusted to you. For this season, this fleeting moment, these four tremendous people have been entrusted to me. And I'm praying that amidst the cooking and cleaning and laundry and helping with homework, God is finding me faithful to guard those with whom He has entrusted me.
Well, my friends, I need to run get Marc and Han out the door and on their way to Czech Republic. This is our last week before school starts, and there is so much to get done that I don't see how we're going to get it all done. But we will. Or we won't. :) School will start in either case. Just a word, by the way, about John Hooks. I talk less about him, I think, in this blog than Han and Sarah Beth. To be honest, he's a pretty easy kid in many, many ways, and he's also a boy, so there's a lot less drama. (Love you girls, but you know it's true.) We were super proud of him yesterday. We visited a new German-speaking church (we really liked it), and John Hooks got up and went to Sunday School on his own. When we came to get him, we found him playing games with a group of kids his own age and having a ball. We did not make him go. We left it up to him, because we've learned when to push about language and when not to push about language. But he went without hesitation to spend time with other church kids--in a language that he doesn't fully know. His fearless heart was a thing of beauty, and an encouragement to his parents. I love that kid! Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are treasuring whatever season of life you happen to be in, and that you are able to find jeans for your swiftly-growing boy, too. Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye
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