The Patterns of His Faithfulness

You might get tired of cat pictures, but I NEVER do. She comes in every morning and sleeps through my quiet time. :)

The view from my office this morning--the snow slid off the top of the building, but froze over my window instead of dropping. Now, I have some lovely icicles to gaze at while I work.

My view yesterday afternoon: my big, comfy chair, a great book, a great cup of tea, and lots of snow!

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

My German teacher, Laura, and I had a conversation at my last lesson that we often have. It was about the value of not understanding. Not understanding something academic bothers me. I am making the move from A2 level coursework to B1 level coursework. B1 is significantly harder. I was reading a piece from the newspaper, and then I was supposed to write questions about it. I had spent an hour looking up every single word I did not know, and the piece still didn't make sense to me. (German, like English, has so many different meanings for words, that sometimes it's almost impossible to figure out which meaning is being used.) When I told her this, she (once again) gave me the lecture about it being ok not to understand the meaning. "You are looking for patterns, Kellye. The meaning will come. But you are looking for the grammatical patterns." I'll be honest. I wasn't in the mood to look for the grammatical patterns. (Yes, sometimes I AM in the mood to look for them.) I just wanted to understand. I was frustrated because I couldn't even understand enough to figure out what patterns were developing. I was frustrated because I couldn't even understand enough to figure out which questions to ask about the patterns. I was just...frustrated.

And frustrated is a recurring theme of our lives over the last 15 months since we arrived in Vienna. Frustrated by the language (which is not as hard as Russian, but which is quite hard on top of Russian), frustrated by the culture (though it's lovely, we're definitely not in Eastern Europe anymore), frustrated by relationships or the lack thereof, frustrated by a deep, abiding unhappiness in Hannah's life, frustrated that we can't seem to get Daddy well (surgery number 3 in the last year is today)...frustrated. And I don't mean a little bit of frustrated, either. I mean want-to-grit-my-teeth-and-scream-really-loudly frustrated.  We have taken action, we've prayed, we've cried, we've begged and pleaded, we've talked ad nauseum...and it seems that when one frustrating situation resolves itself, another pops up to take its place. In so many ways, it has been the perfect storm of frustration.

So--is this the most depressing thing you've ever read, or what?!?! If I were signing off here, it certainly would be. But it's not, so hold on--it gets brighter! In our lives, language learning--whether Russian or German--is a great metaphor for all things. And certainly, Laura's advice to look for the patterns even when the meaning is beyond me--well, that's great advice for life, right? Because no matter my situation--how dark or bright it is--there are certainly patterns. In our frustration, we have spent a good bit of time looking for the patterns. One of her favorite overseas aunts, when Hannah was talking to her about her situation this summer, said to her, "Hannah, what is Jesus doing?" And that, my friends, is the same thing as looking for patterns. In the midst of what has been an unpleasant season, Jesus is definitely doing something. 

• We have come to truly love our city. Vienna is imminently loveable. The beauty, the history, the culture, and--most of all--the people have made Vienna our home.
• We have developed close-knit relationships here in the city with other believers. These relationships--so beautifully displayed in their delight in making our apartment over while we were in Bratislava this past weekend--provide us with deep connections here. They also bolster us--as we pray we bolster them--during difficult times. If we are the Body of Christ, then these relationships help us to be His hands and feet and heart.
• There are ministry opportunities developing that might--just maybe--be exactly what we've been praying for since coming to Vienna 15 months ago. Those opportunities seem to be arriving at the exact moment we need them in order to hang on. Literally--on the day this week when we were ready to throw up our hands in defeat, Marc got an email about the possibility of a really exciting ministry that might be heading our way.
• Our children have close friends, both here in the city and all around Europe and the States. Can I just say a word here about the people we serve with and their children? We are crazy, nutso about the folks who call us Aunt Kellye and Uncle Marc, and about their parents, who are our childrens' overseas family. Can you imagine the comfort of those relationships to us, to Han, to John? One thing I love about these relationships is their determination to build each other up in a world that is determined to tear them down. Forget everything else our company provides for us--and it's a lot!--the relationships with our colleagues all over Europe...priceless to us. 
• We have incredible role models, people who have loved us, helped us, spoken truth into our lives, people who have been through the hard, the dark, the terrible...and hung on to continue to faithfully serve our giant God in a land that is not their own. We have heard from so many of them in the last few days...and been reminded that we often walk in the footprints of people whom we not only love and adore, but also admire and respect with every ounce of our being.

So what is Jesus doing? I don't always know. I don't always understand. Particularly in the case of Hannah's situation, I have really not understood. But I can see this in the patterns that have emerged and continue to emerge in our journey of faith--He is faithful. He is doing something we will not believe when we get the full picture. Something amazing. Amazing in us, in our kids, in this beautiful city and country and continent that we love and call home. Because He is in every ounce, every breath, every move we make...He is there, calling us to follow, to trust, and to obey even when we don't understand. And He--everything about Him, everything about my life with Him--is better than any easy path I might have chosen for myself, for my kids, for our career overseas.  So we hold on, not because we understand, or because we are particularly strong, but because we know Him, and we've seen Him at work, and we know He is working still. And because in our utter weakness, He shows Himself not only strong, but completely enough. When Hannah posted a status on Facebook that just said, "God's got this," she wasn't being pithy or witty or spiritual. She was just confirming what we, as a family, have seen again and again in our lives. He is in control. And His love for us reaches to the heavens and stretches to the skies. Even in dark times, seasons, years...especially then, this is cause for rejoicing.

Well, off I go to escort Marc to the lung specialist here in Vienna. We're praying the doctor will have some answers about why he can't get a deep breath sometimes. We're also praying for my parents as Daddy has his gallbladder removed this morning, and for Han as she finishes up her time at the school in Vienna and switches to her new school online. That's a lot to pray for in one morning, but as Han reminds us--God's got this. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you know His deep and abiding faithfulness to you, and that you are having dinner with colleagues tonight, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye