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| My tall, voice-changing, gentle-hearted John. |
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| My sweet man and our sweet Tash. Yes, she does sit like that. |
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| Darling, in love, soon-to-be bride--our beautiful Sarah Beth. |
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| The Nan...amazing, beautiful, growing-up-way-too-fast Hannah. |
I know, I know...it's been a while. Quite a while, in fact. Sorry about that. Life has been...not boring at all, lately, and that has left me with little time, and frankly, little desire to try to organize my thoughts in a way that even resembles logic. So I've taken a little break. But this morning, as I eat my breakfast in snowy Vienna (what?!?! where did spring go??), a breakfast which includes cauliflower I've tried to convince myself is like grits, I thought I'd take a little time to check in and share what's going on in our lives here. (The cauliflower isn't bad, by the way--but it's also not fooling my tastebuds into thinking they've had grits. Oh, well.) In a lot of ways, I don't have much to tell. We leave next week for a break with friends, and we're looking forward to that a great deal. We're wedding planning from 3,000 miles away, and that's interesting and also really fun. I have to say for Sarah Beth--we definitely do not have a Bridezilla. She has the dress, and she has the man. The rest of it could be at Taco Bell, and she'd be fine. (That's a quote, by the way. From her.) So the wedding hasn't been causing us a ton of stress. Sarah Beth has been quite ill, and that is stressful, as all my friends in this part of the world can attest--overseas living with small kids is hard, terribly hard--but overseas living when the family is split and one (or more) is back in the States...also very, very hard. So whether you're having and raising babies overseas or watching your babies have and raise babies a world away--nothing about any of that is easy. But that's life, right? What are the chances, if we lived in the States, that all of our children would stay in the same place and raise all their children ten minutes away? Pretty slim, I think. My parents have only lived near my kids for a long period of time, but have managed to be great grandparents in spite of distance. I see a lot of my friends doing an incredible job of grandparenting from this side of the ocean. So it can be done. It's just hard.
In fact, in general, isn't life hard? I don't know anybody who is breezing by in life. Honestly, even the people who really have it together find life difficult, sometimes. Sometimes, we get to be in a season that's easier, and sometimes we're in a season that's more difficult, but we're never in a season that is trouble-free, are we? (If you are, and you know how you made that happen, please email me the secret, because I would love some easy.) For us, this is a season of more difficult. We have not had tons of great stuff in the last two years, and we've had quite a bit of not great stuff. And a lot of our not great stuff has involved our kids, which makes it even more difficult to handle. Add onto that parents whose health has not been great seemingly since the moment we stepped on Viennese soil, and other issues that just come up, and it's a recipe for bitterness. Right? Because wouldn't it be easy to turn to God and say, "Hey! I gave up this and this and this for You. How about cutting me some slack?!?!" And that precise moment, that moment of real anger when we don't understand what He's doing, that is the moment He gives us lists.
Maybe lists don't speak to your soul the way they do to mine. I have three (yes, THREE) calendars that I keep daily in my flat. I have an index card for every day (I do use them front and back), and each day comes with the things that must get done that day, the things that need to get done that day, and the things I'd like to get done that day. I love lists. I have a deep, core need for organization, and lists definitely speak to that need. So, when I come upon a list in the Bible, as I did this morning in Joshua 12, I actually read the lists. I actually read the lists of names in the gospel accounts of Jesus' life. Deep in those lists, I find a lot about God that speaks to me in this season of not-so-great.
In Joshua 12, in the list of who Joshua and the Israelites defeated, there isn't any new news. In other words, if we read the account of their war with their neighbors and those who would keep them from the Promised Land in Joshua 6-12, we already know who they defeated. But it seems to me the purpose of that list is a little different from just a journalistic account of what happened. If you read Joshua, you know that the Israelites taking the Promised Land as their own, as God promised them, was nothing short of a miracle. It was a God-sized task. It was something only He could accomplish. And He did. In big, amazing ways. He made the sun stand still. Seriously. Read it. He did. In the Israelites' weakness and complete reliance on Him, He does what He always does when we are faithful--He showed Himself mighty. (They also have moments of real stupidity, so don't get to thinking this is about the Israelites being super-perfect followers.) The end of Joshua 12, the list of all those who have been defeated, is another reminder that He alone can rescue and save. He alone can defeat the enemies. He alone gives Jericho to His chosen. He alone is God.
And Matthew 1? The seventeen verses that begin the New Testament can easily seem the worst possible way to start Jesus' story on earth. Where is the hook for the reader? How can anyone be drawn in by a list of names and generations? But God is doing something important in those verses, isn't He? In that list of names, of generations, of who begat whom...is the ultimate Promise Keeper. When He said He would not leave nor forsake, when He said He would bring the Messiah, when He promised to rescue and be a strong tower...He wasn't just talking. He did exactly what He said He would do. And He did it through some pretty surprising choices. Rahab? Aka Rahab the Harlot? In the lineage of Jesus. Ruth? A foreigner? In the lineage of Jesus. Bathsheba? Adultress? In the lineage of Jesus. The list of people God chose to work through in order to work His will, His incredible plan for saving us were not perfect. In fact, they were far from it. Sinners one and all. Not a perfect one in the bunch. But He used them, anyway. He chose them, anyway. Just like He chooses the sinful and imperfect and messed up, broken jars of clay, to follow where He leads. Because in the broken and sinful and messed up, He is shown to be what He is: mighty, all-powerful, amazing, awesome.
So what does that have to do with a season of not-so-great? He's still at work. He's still doing things, things I cannot predict, things so far beyond me that I couldn't even think to ask for them. He's doing stuff that only He can do, that only He can dream up, that only He can understand. I don't know what He's doing, but I do know this for sure: He's doing. He's at work in the mundane, in the hard, in the wedding planning, in the hard stuff that touches our kids...He's doing something big. And because I have my own lists of things He's done, hard times He's brought us through, and blessings that He continues to shower on me and mine that we clearly don't deserve, I can trust Him. It might not be the easiest thing to do, but it's possible. Because He is who He is. He does not change. He never gives up on His own, no matter how broken we feel. He is faithful. And in a season of not-so-great...He is enough.
Well, time to exercise. Aerobic boxing is the choice for this morning, since I'm not wild about walking in the snow. Plus, of course, I have a notecard with a list of stuff to get done today, so I'd better get going on that. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you have lists of the many ways the Father has been faithful to you, too, and that it's not snowing where you live. Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye
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