To Han, Nan, Hannachka, Hannah Jane...on your sixteenth birthday

My beautiful girl with her Momma

At Krasnaya Polyana, Sochi, Russia

With her much-beloved Aunt Dalese in front of Stephansdom in Vienna

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Darling Hannah,

Sixteen. Unbelievable. Yesterday, you were the baby who roamed Ridgeview High sucking her two middle fingers. Today, you're sixteen. The little girl who, when the fire alarm went off at daycare, said, "Don't worry, it's just a dwill. Fowwow me," has seen a good bit of the world, experienced some 'normal' stuff, and so far, lived a pretty extraordinary life in some of God's most beautiful places. The girl who told us, upon our arrival in Moscow, that it was time to go home, has become the girl who always reminds us, "But we're called. We can't go back." Sixteen. Wow.

We are very proud of you, Daddy and I. You often amaze us just by being you.  Of the five of us, Han, you have been sifted by God the most. Everyone has had their struggles on the field, and certainly, we've all learned a great deal. But you have spent some very, very unhappy time overseas, and yet--amazingly--you remain a pretty optimistic person. It is the thing in you that is most like your Daddy and least like me. Your view of people, your lack of cynicism, your love for the underdog...those are not qualities you got from your Momma. You inspire great loyalty in people, deep love and affection, and I think it's your genuine kindness that makes people so attached to you. You make me kinder by reminding me that everyone has their troubles, and that we have to really feel for people.  I'm not a feeler, but you are. I love that about you.

I love your heart for the lost. I've watched you weep at the lostness around you. I've literally watched you put your head on the table and sob for beloveds who do not know your Jesus. That heart, the one that is so attuned to see the world through the lens of how much they need Jesus--that heart is being prepared for something. I don't know what it is. I really don't. But when you sobbed over the call to prayer in Turkey, I knew then...God has something for you that He is, even now, tuning your heart for, making it softer and softer toward those He loves dearly, but who do not know Him. I'd be lying if I said that didn't scare me a little. For the first time, I think, I understand how hard it is to be on the other side of this equation--the parent who sends a much-beloved child into the unknown darkness. But I trust Him, Han, even with you and your brother and sister. I see daily how much He loves you. I know His plan for you is perfect and better than mine, which involves you marrying a nice man, having 2.5 lovely children, and living next door to me for the rest of your life. He loves you enough to prepare you diligently for what is ahead in your life. And I trust Him to do that.

I love that you are not afraid to be honest with God. I didn't learn that quality at your age, that truth for my life. I tried to make God think I had it all together. But you don't. You question. You push Him a little, knowing that He loves you and can handle the big questions. What is He doing? You've asked me--and Him--that more than once in the last two years. And I think the answer you are coming to, when that question seems unanswerable, is that you don't know, but you know Him. You know how good and faithful and loving He is, how just and holy and righteous. But you don't seem Him as the 'big guy in the sky' with His finger on the button if you displease Him. We have all learned this truth--trouble, hard times...these are not signs of the displeasure of our God. You KNOW Him, Han. At sixteen, that's a pretty amazing thing.

So, darling Hannah, on your sixteenth birthday, here is my prayer for you: That you would know how deep the Father's love is for you. That you would follow Him all the days of your life. That you would know that your outer beauty is nothing in comparison to your inner beauty--your kind heart, your gentle soul, your love for mankind. And yes, I pray that somewhere out there, God is preparing some wonderful young man who is going to think all the things about you that are silly and funny and quirky are adorable, that he is going to fall in love with you, marry you, and lead you to follow God wherever He leads. I pray that you always look at hard times, bad situations, and mean people and say to yourself, "Well...someday this will make a good story." Because what you have learned at sixteen, and what will only grow in your life as you mature, is that God doesn't waste hardship or trouble, that He really does work all things together for the good of those who love Him, that He makes all things new, and that these light and momentary troubles are producing something beautiful--in your life and in your heart. Someday, Han, all these things really will be a great story...a story about what God can do in a young woman's life when she is completely, fully, unashamedly, radically in love with her Savior. That's the story He is writing in your life, Han. And while sometimes it's hard to watch Him write that story, sometimes it's super painful to watch you go through what don't seem very light or momentary troubles, it's also a privilege to watch you grow into the person He created you to be. It's an amazing honor to be your Momma. I'm so glad God chose me for you.

I love you more than life, darling girl. I could not be prouder of you.

Happy birthday!
Momma