No particular reason--I just think these are funny pics of my kids. I think these were taken at FPO.For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ...II Corinthians 10:3-5
What are you a part of that only God can take credit for? --Jerry Rankin, as quoted in my notes from FPO
So it's 6:35 in the morning, and I have been up for an hour and a half. I have quiet timed, done two loads of laundry (did I mention how glorious my dryer is?), put away some dishes from last night, and had two cups of coffee. When I finish this, I'm going to throw on my tennis shoes and head to the store, partly to get some exercise, and partly to get some bananas. Nothing like walking a couple of miles for your bananas to make you really appreciate them.
Most of you know that by trade, I am an English teacher, which means I know a pretty good amount about language and literature. One of the things I love about teaching English is rereading great books. For example, I am rereading The Great Gatsby and Frankenstein right now, because they are summer reading for my AP students. Marc doesn't understand this at all, but I love to look at a book I've read before and studied, because I find new things each time. I am a little different than the last time I read it. I see it a little differently. For example, Frankenstein opens in St. Petersburg, Russia, something I'd forgotten and probably not paid much attention to before. But now that I live in Russia and have been to St. Petersburg, it means more to me. The same is true for me of the Bible. I have read the verses above a thousand times, I'm sure. But this morning, I was struck by the word "fortresses." The NIV translates it "strongholds," which is what I'm used to. The NASB translates it "fortresses." Strongholds and fortresses may be the same thing, but, at least to me, the connotation is different. A stronghold has a grasp on me; it is something that has me around the throat a bit. A fortress is something I've either built around myself or I've climbed into or I've been kidnapped and that's where I ended up. A fortress doesn't grab me by the throat--it surrounds me and isolates me behind walls that are nearly impossible to overcome. A stronghold makes my life difficult, because I am aware of its grasp on me. I can live a pretty good life in a fortress, as long as I don't ever look over the walls and discover that I'm a prisoner.
Here's the thing: I've looked over the walls. I know I'm in a fortress. And my hair is not long enough to do the Rapunzel routine. So how did I get here, and how do I get out?
I got here because I listened to the wrong entity whispering in my ear, because here is the fortress that I've built: I'm not very likable. It started in high school, with two girls who were my "friends," but were really, truly terrible to me. I tagged along behind them no matter how mean they were because, frankly, I didn't think I deserved better. In college, I grew to trust my intellect as a way to make people at least accept me, but I did not depend on being likable. As a teacher, I have been well-loved, but I have always told myself it didn't matter to me whether students liked me, because that wasn't my job. When some of our friends decided we weren't spiritual enough to be around anymore, lest we taint them in some way (okay, that was kind of bitter...sorry), I told myself that it was really because I just wasn't a very likable person. And even here and at FPO, where we have made the closest friends of our lives, I have told myself it's because they like Marc so much, that it really has little to do with me. Now, it may sound like I'm just a humble person, but if you know me at all, you know that pride is something I struggle with, so that isn't the case. I have just climbed up into this fortress and planted myself here, accepting without question what the Enemy has said about me.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I'm pretty sure I'm not such an unlikable person. I think I have too many friends for that to be true. I think my English Club students want to be around me, so I must not be too terrible. When I complained about making mistakes in conversation, my teacher told me that when Russians are listening to me, they are hearing my heart, not the genitive ending instead of the accusative. Most importantly, when I read and reread the Word of God, I find that what God says about me is completely different. He says I am imminently likable. In fact, He says I'm so loved that He was willing to sacrifice His son for me. Hmmm...that's a different place than the fortress I've been calling home, isn't it?
Fortresses aren't easy to climb out of; if they were, they wouldn't be fortresses. But just for today, I'm going to try listening to the One who loves me instead of the one who hates me. I'm going to believe what He says about me. I'm going to think about my good qualities and not my bad ones. And I'm taking down a brick or two of the wall I've built around myself.
How about you? Where are you living? Are you living in the house created by the God who loves you? or the fortress built around you by the one who doesn't? Wherever you are in the world, I pray this morning that you throw out a brick or two of the fortress you're living in, and that you can sleep past 5a.m. Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye
4 comments:
At the risk that your other readers might think me a stalker since I've commented on the last two posts already . . . . :)
That verse hit me smack in the face about 8 years ago. Along with that verse a few days later someone told me that when I say negative things and tear myself down like I was, that I am in essence saying to God that He made a mistake and calling Him a liar. His word says that He loves us and creates us most perfectly and that he would never do anything to harm us. And that He most definately doesn't make any mistakes. So when we believe the LIES of the enemy over the TRUTH of who God says we are, it just brings us down into a pit (or fortress)that is hard to climb out of.
Keep meditating on His words about who you are. Read them every day if necessary. Say them OUTLOUD to yourself in the mirror. I had to. It worked. I am living proof of finally believing what God says about who I am. He is SO good to tell us that isn't He?!?!?
I know that you are one of my fondest memories of FPO, not only because you are just so stinkin NICE, but because you were going to the home of my ancestors. I long to one day see Russia. Maybe I will come while you are there! I'll stay with you and use your DRYER!!!! :)
Much Love ~T
You are a very likeable person! And not just because I am your sister. You are fun to be around all the time. Maybe thats because we have the same crazy sense of humor!!! You are a wonderfully made person. NEVER FORGET THAT!
Kay
First of all, you're not just likable, but very lovable and wonderful. Satan is very clever and able to deceive. We must focus on God's Word and the truth. Satan can't win against the truth of God's Word.
I must say that your analogy about the fortress and how you used the different connotations of the word "fortress" really meant a lot to me. It is true: sometimes we allow the Enemy to persuade us to build walls around us. We tell ourselves 'how stupid we are' because we don't make pesky grades (meaningless letters that the world uses to often destroy us and help terminate our real goal in education: what we are learning, not what we are making); or how unattractive we are because some unrealistic poster of a model (mainly airbrushed, I'm determined to think most are..)makes us looker either fatter or to say the least "more average". The Enemy stands next to us as we perceive the idea of not being liked and charistmatically says with a whisper into your ear (and imagine the old Bugs Bunny cartoons of a devil on one side of one's shoulder as I say this), "yes, yes...lay some bricks down and build your wall, I will protect you. The world is mean. Don't go near people. Don't trust people."
But Mrs. Hooks, your wisdom astounds me and as I read your blogs I realize how blessed I am to have known you and for God to bring me back to you (although I'm in the States..). I can feel that He is working through you, and your words have encouraged me to make time for Church again which I have not done since High School due to work. I have allowed the enemy to help me build the walls that are around me. I have allowed him to say to me that I am too busy for church and that I need the money so I should go to work instead of church. I have allowed the enemy to lie to me and to tell me to distance myself from the church because along time ago I was sexually abused my a church member. I have built VERY thick walls around me. I have not dated in years and I am just finally allowing myself to think about loving a man. I am a junior in college- about to be a senior and you would think I would have done my share of socializing. No-- I was afraid. I had all these walls around me. These very THICK, COLD, SOlID, MORBID walls surrounded me. The funny thing is I am filled with love and I love people and I have a passion to help others but I have ironically been so afraid to tear down my walls for fear of being hurt again. You have encouraged me to take a 2 foot hammer and plow down these walls. I will not live in them any more. Not with all their lies and misconceptions about church and people..
And Mrs. Hooks, you are a very likeable person. You were always the favorite within the school!
Thanks once again- the one that always dwelled in the ever-winding forest of syntax.
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