Listening and waiting...not really my forte

The Ivanovo Princesses (Alys and Sarah) came to visit for Thanksgiving. Sarah Beth (can you see her head in Sarah's lap?) was pretty thrilled, as were the rest of us.
Ed, Marc and Jill are solving the problems of Russia in the Tarleton's kitchen. Not a bad way to spend Thanksgiving.
Aren't our girls all beautiful? This was a couch full of pretty on Thanksgiving Day.
Hannah and her friend, Amielle, contemplate the many delicious desserts laid out on Thanksgiving Day.
We had some great praise and worship time. I can't tell you how much we love the people in this picture.

Trust and obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey.

I don't have tons of time this morning, since Hannah has to be at Kaluzhskaya Mall to meet a friend in an hour, but I thought I'd take a second or two to post some Thanksgiving pics and tell you that we had a great day. We spent the day at Ed Tarleton's with Ed, Rachel and Rebecca and about 30 other people. We had a great time, and we walked away feeling thankful for the relationships we've made here in Moscow. Then last night we had about 30 people over for an after-Thanksgiving chili and football (and Christmas movies and Phase 10) party. We had a wonderful time, and I'll post some pics tomorrow of that. Suffice to say that it's been a great holiday for us, and we are enjoying some time as a family without a lot of outside pressures. I'm especially thankful for that.

I've been thinking a lot about how God's grace isn't always comprehensible, and neither are the things that He sifts through His hands for us. We are facing decisions about our career that we never thought we'd have to make this early into our career. Beloved friends, faithful servants here in Russia, had an adoption fall through and found out the same day that they will likely have to leave Russia for good. Of course, Thanksgiving Day was a reminder that our darling Teri was missing, bringing thoughts of that loss to the forefront of our minds again. More and more, life gets harder in this country for foreigners. What is He up to? Shouldn't it be easier to be His? Unfortunately, if you study His word, there's no promise of easy. There's only a promise to be faithful, to always be with us. I'd love to see the verse with a promise of an easy life, so if you can find it, let me know. But so far, that's not how it's worked for most people I know. So what do you do with the stuff that makes no sense? You listen and wait. You smile and move forward. You trust and obey...even when it doesn't make sense. So we're enjoying our weekend, listening and waiting, trusting and obeying. There really is no other way to be happy in Jesus.

Well, we've got to get Hannah to the mall to meet her friend, so I'd better run. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that even when life doesn't make sense, you will trust and obey the One who loves you more than you can imagine, and that your Russian friend brought you beautiful red carnations at the party at your house last night. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Thanksgiving is a choice

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Happy Thanksgiving! Most of you are still asleep, because it's just midnight in the States, but I have been up for a while, making rolls, boiling potatoes for mashing, and spending quiet time with the Lord (and with Starbucks...which is heavenly). I can't think of a better way to start this Thanksgiving, can you? We will spend our Thanksgiving with the Tarleton's and about thirty other people. YIKES! That's a lot of folks in one apartment. But it will be fun to be together, and my family is really looking forward to it.

As I read my Bible this morning, it occurred to me that being thankful is a choice, and not just today, when it's expected, but every day in every thing. It's a choice that can be hard for me. Many days, it's a whole lot easier to just concentrate on what is hard or bad about life. But when I take the time to really look at my life, in spite of the hardships of living far from home, I find that I am so much more content. So here are some things I am especially thankful for this Thanksgiving, and every other day, too:

• our partner churches, who love us and pray for us continually
• facebook, which keeps me connected to people I love from all over the world
• teaching, which provides an outlet for me to feel successful and active in ministry
• my students, who make me laugh and are just generally wonderful people
• growing friendships here in Moscow
• beloved friends around the world
• our cat, Notchka, who is a big, silly goober, but keeps us laughing
• iTunes, which lets us download movies and music that make life fun (Get Smart last night--what a hoot!)
• boxes from the States, full of goodies and treats that we can't get here
• Marc's job, which he loves so much
• Tim, Marc's traveling partner, who Marc also loves so much
• Ed, our boss here, who has a passion and vision for this giant place
• snow, which makes the gray a little bit lighter (it's pouring snow again, by the way)
• my new snow boots, which are comfortable, warm, and have great tread on the bottom!
• my home, which is big enough to house lots of people
• the company we work for, which takes unbelievably good care of us
• my parents, who are ridiculously wonderful and love us so much
• my sister, Kay, who is such an enthusiastic person, and who puts her all into everything she does, including loving her family far from home
• my sister, Cathy, who is kind and generous and loving, and everything you can imagine or want in a big sister
• Sarah Beth, who is growing into a tremendous young woman, full of love for Christ and her fellow man
• Hannah, who is working so hard to live here and choose happiness
• John-John, who makes sure life is never, ever boring or dull
• Marc, who treats me like a queen
• my Jesus, who has become more real to me in the last year, who walks with me every day, who loves me even when I am immensely unlovable, who died so I might live

Well, folks are stirring here and there are potatoes to mash, so I should run. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are thankful for the many gifts God has given you, and that your husband is going to drive you to the metro so you don't have to carry all the Thanksgiving food for a mile. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Grace, grace, God's grace

Rebecca and John John...he adores her, and well he should. Who else would play tic tac toe with him if not for Becca?
I cannot remember what Rachel and Sarah Beth thought was so hysterical, but I love this picture so much. Sarah Beth and Spunky...quite a pair.
I have not yet convinced Hannah that she can drink her hot chocolate instead of sipping it with a spoon. Do other people's children do this? (And yes, John John is eating cereal directly from the container.)

We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all--all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help. Hebrews 4:15-16 (The Message)

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 (NASB)

The IMB Moscow ladies (I can't figure out another way to put that...sorry) have started meeting every Tuesday for lunch, prayer and Bible study. I cannot tell you what an answer to prayer this has been. Those who are closest to me in the world know that I have longed and prayed for connection to other women in this city. We are studying Colossians right now--kind of nice for me, since I did a study of Colossians about two months ago--and on Tuesday, I was struck by something that one of the ladies said. She said that growing up in the church, she did not know about God's grace for living. Grace for salvation, yes, but not for living. It struck a chord in me. Do I really understand God's grace? I did a word study of 'grace' for the rest of the week, and you see one of my favorites above. I wonder sometimes whether in times of need we actually draw near to the throne of grace and ask for help, or do we shout it from a distance? Do we want Jesus to come to us, or do we draw near to Him? I don't know the answer to that for everyone, but more and more I am contemplating how to draw near to the throne of grace.

The last month of our lives has not been an easy one. There have been some great things, to be sure, but there has also been lots of traveling for Marc (he's in Chebaksary now) and discontentedness for the rest of us. (I am thinking of banning the saying, 'it's not fair' from the household.) We have struggled with Marc's absence, with school, with our emotions, with each other. And I find myself praying, "Lord, I know You are tired of me coming to You about this, but could You just give me enough grace to get through this moment? I know You're so sick of us and our complaining and our failure and our moods and our chaos, but please...just a little more grace?" And you know what? I'm pretty sure after studying His grace a little more in-depth that He is never tired of me coming to Him. He has an abundance of grace. More than I can comprehend. More than I can understand. And certainly more than I can exhaust. It turns out that His grace is bigger and more powerful than any of the millions of things I bring to Him in the course of a day. As I contemplated that this week, I was overwhelmed by it. Staggered. Thankful.

What about you? Isn't it awesome to know that our God's love and mercy and grace and compassion is never-ending? No matter what you've done in the past. No matter what you do in the future. His grace is enough for it all. Now that's something to be thankful for this holiday season! Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are resting in the knowledge that God's grace is more than you'll ever need, and that you are sipping a cup of Starbucks while two of your three children are still asleep. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

The post office, the packages, and the puzzles

Sarah Beth was pretty excited about the hot cheetos--her favorite--from FBC Allen, Tx.
John John is doing the happy dance over gummi bears from the same package.
Hannah was very pleased with her Reese's peanut butter cup.


Let me be clear: I avoid the post office in Moscow. Have heard nightmare stories, want nothing to do with it, and send my husband to do that most onerous of chores. (Yeah, it's worse than the trash--we have a chute right outside our door.) But in order to pick up packages, one must go to the post office. And if you don't do it quickly, the bigger the chance that the package will just disappear. So, of course, when Marc left Wednesday night, not only did the snow come, but also the package slips. I came home yesterday to find two slips in our box. So Irina and I trudged the mile to the post office, turned in the slip, and brought back two boxes from the Matheny's. Today, I had another slip and no Irina. But I remembered what to do, so I trudged right back to the post office (I'd already pulled my little cart home from school with a big turkey in it, so what was a little more pulling?), filled out the form, showed my passport, and grabbed the package, this time from my parents. I put it in my cart and headed home. Inside the package were all kinds of fun things--drink mixes, pudding mixes, American medicine, t-shirts, weight watchers stuff--something for everyone. But the thing that was most important to me was the collection of wonder word puzzles.

Now, many of you may not know what the wonder word is. It is a puzzle, my favorite, in which you get rid of letters by finding words, and then a word is spelled with what is left over after you've found the words. I love it. It is in the Jacksonville paper every Sunday, and I never missed a puzzle when I lived there. And in the package was a pile of them that my mom had cut out of the paper. With all the other fun stuff in there, why was that my favorite? Because it was thoughtful. Every time my mom cut one of those out, she did it for me. Cathy Matheny filled our Christmas boxes with things for Christmas cookies, because she remembered that last year, I didn't have the stuff to decorate cookies. My sister's Sunday School class from First Baptist, Allen, Texas, filled a box with hot chocolate and hot cheetos, because those are my kids' favorites. It was thoughtful. They didn't just throw any old thing together and expect that we'd be thrilled (we would, by the way, because there is no bad box), but they consciously put things in that we either needed or that would be such a treat for us. They thought about us. And that's why packages are so important to my family.

Now, please know that this is not a guilt trip if you've never sent us--or anybody else--a package overseas. Trust me, I certainly never sent a package overseas to anyone. But when we get a package (or packages--we've gotten five packages in the last ten days!), we know that we are remembered. I can't tell you how important that is. It can be very isolating to be over here, away from the familiar, especially during the Christmas season. Knowing that we are being thought of and prayed for is such an encouragement. So if you have sent us a package, thank you so much. God has used you to minister to us in ways you cannot imagine.

Well, I'd better run. I'm defrosting my freezer, because I cannot get my turkey in there. I'm praying when it's defrosted, Ol' Tom will fit. If not, I'm going to have to hang him in a bag off the balcony window, and that's nothing but classy. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that someone else has let you know how special and important you are to them, and that your freezer will hold your Thanksgiving turkey. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Am I ever going to be done learning stuff?

John John is pretty excited with gummi bears that came in a package from First Baptist, Allen, Texas, this week.
Sarah Beth and her soccer coach, Miss Schnaidt, at the soccer banquet on Wednesday. Sarah Beth was given the "Southern Belle" Award--for adding encouragement and enthusiasm on the field, while wearing her pearls with her uniform. Ha!
Hannah and her friend, Krissy, at the soccer banquet. Hannah has become a fan of a Korean food called Kimbab, which is sushi without fish in it. I have to admit, it's pretty good stuff!

"Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, "Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour." John 11:27

You know how sometimes you are really, really busy--a big event or a visit from friends or a deadline at work or school--and you find yourself with just a few free hours right in the middle, and they are so precious you just want to roll around in them and glory in them? That's how I feel right now. We are in the middle of Bella Notte weekend, a big choir performance/dinner that the junior class is in charge of putting on, and I find myself with just a few hours free before I have to be back at school. Our situation is even busier, because each junior (there are only ten in the class) takes an event to be in charge of, and Sarah Beth is in charge of this one, which means I'm the parent in charge in the kitchen, and I'm singing in the performance for one song. YIKES!!!!! Add on top of that--Sarah Beth's friend, Kurt, is visiting from Germany, and we are really having a busy, busy, busy weekend. So I'm reveling in sleeping in until 8, drinking two cups of coffee, and listening to the Christmas music Marc is playing while he is cooking me breakfast. (What would I do without him? Honestly.)

I've been thinking a lot this week about change. If you read my blog regularly, you know that our company is reorganizing. (Watch Baptist Press this week--there are some big meetings coming up and announcements will be made.) Anyway, for most people, these changes aren't going to mean a lot to their every day lives, but for us, it could mean a big change in our future. Or not. Who knows? But because it's a possibility, it seems to be always on my mind. So I've been asking God to just show me--clearly--what He wants from our family. What He wants from me. And while a lot seems really foggy and unclear, I have been really convicted of a couple of things, and I thought I'd share them with you this morning.

First, it is really easy to get caught in the trap of comparison. Their life to our life. Their ministry to our ministry. Their children to our children. And you know what? It never works out for your good to compare. For one, you can't know what's going on in someone else's life. It's impossible. Haven't we all known those people we thought were leading perfect lives, only to have them announce their divorce, or a child's pregnancy, or some other crack in the armor? But it's also important to realize that God's intentions for each of us are individual. What He wants from me is according to how He has gifted me, how He has grown me, how He has created me. That's not the same as He's created, grown, and gifted you. And so our lives are not going to be the same, and our families are not going to be the same, and our ministries are not going to be the same. One of the really important things I'm learning is that just like it's wrong to judge someone else, it's also wrong to judge myself and my family by comparing us (always unfavorably) to others. It's also a breeding ground for discontent and bitterness. Yeah...I want no part of that. Marc and I were at school yesterday, working on Bella Notte, and Marc was helping one of Sarah Beth's friends with a video project. The young man said to Marc, "I bet your house is so much fun." I smiled, because what I have considered loud, noisy, and chaotic, other people see as fun. And you know what? My house is pretty fun. And never, ever boring.

The second thing I'm learning is harder. More and more and more, I'm figuring out that what God wants from us is not always easy. Some of the possible changes in our life would make life easier without a doubt. And I don't know that those changes aren't exactly what God wants from us. Maybe they are the direction in which we're headed. And by far the most difficult possibility, in terms of just life in general, is that we will continue to be in Russia. Russia is a hard place in a thousand different ways. So maybe we were here in order to make us grateful for someplace else. Who knows? But whenever I play over in my mind the sentence, 'We are going to leave Russia,' I get a weird feeling in my stomach. Yesterday, I was talking to Marc, and when I tried to say the words, I teared up. The truth is this--no matter how hard life here has been, no matter how much we've struggled, God has given us a passion to see Russians know Him. He has given us a passion for this country, a place we have come to love in spite of ourselves. The hardest choice is to stay. But my God, who loves me so much, is bigger than this place or my comfort or the hardships that life here brings. I'm learning to trust Him with everything--even the hard choices.

Well, my breakfast is done, and so I'm going to quit and eat. I am so grateful for a husband who will not only make me breakfast, but who is also willing to wear my frilly apron while he does it. I wish you could see him....what a hoot. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that God is teaching you big lessons, and that your husband made you bacon and eggs for breakfast. Blessings to you and yours!!

His,
Kellye

Not just hearing, but doing

But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. James 1:22

I know, I know...two blogs in just three days? Miraculous! Actually, I'm just taking a break from cleaning the house, so I thought I'd sit and blog for a minute or two. Marc comes home tonight, so I'm trying to really get the apartment straightened for him. Nothing is worse than coming home after a long trip and finding a big mess. Needless to say, we are anxiously awaiting his arrival.

This morning in my quiet time, I was reading from a little devotional magazine that I get from my sister when something struck me. I don't just mean I thought it was interesting. I mean there was a thunderclap from heaven and instant revelation for me. The passage was the familiar verse above, and the question that struck me was, "How would your life look different if you were a doer of the word and not just a hearer?" So I took out the four passages of scripture that have been especially important to me in the last months, and I made a list of how my life would look different if I was a doer of these passages.

II Timothy 4:5 But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

• If I were to do this instead of just hear this, there would likely be less whining from me. Just the other day I was complaining to an old friend that it was hard for me to "just" be a housewife and part-time teacher and watch Marc jet around the country, traveling and having adventures and doing things for God. But if I am a doer of this passage, then that means contentment with the ministry God has given me for right now. And that ministry is mostly being Marc's wife and Sarah Beth, Hannah and John John's mommy. While that may not be glamorous, it is the ministry God has given me for this moment, and I will never have a more important one than raising my children and loving my husband.

Psalm 31:7-8 I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul, and You have not given me over into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a large place.

• If I am a doer of this passage, I have to stop whining about how hard it is to be in Russia, particularly in Moscow. Enough, already! People in Mali are living in huts, for heaven's sake. I have to walk everywhere, but that seems pretty small in comparison to the sacrifices others are making. And, according to this passage, this big place is where God has set my feet. I didn't come here because it sounded like a good time. I came here because my faithful God called and I had no choice but to answer. So enough whining!

Psalm 31:21 Blessed be the LORD, for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.

• I need to pray for my city more. And I need to be grateful for the last year in this besieged city, where God has made Himself known to me more than in all the other years of my life together. There is no word to describe His actions toward me better than 'lovingkindness,' which gives the spell check a heart attack every time I write it. But it's perfect, because He has been lovingly kind to me, and what He longs for is for Russians to come to know His lovingkindness, too.

II Corinthians 10:5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ...

• My struggles are, quite literally, all in my mind. No matter how physically difficult living here has been, it cannot compare to the difficulty of struggling with a negative thought life. If I were to be a doer of the word, then I would see those struggles for what they are, taking every thought captive to the One who brought me here. This is, by far, the hardest thing for me. Whether it's my own self-doubt or the enemy's whispering in my ear, I have fought against a negative outlook almost from the moment I arrived in Russia. I have said to Hannah a hundred times, "You are listening to the wrong voices. What you are choosing to listen to is not the truth." Hmmmm...maybe I need to listen to (and heed) my own advice.

I just reread this, and it seems like kind of a downer. However, the good news is that every single day, God gives us a new chance to do it better. And I have to say that in the last year, I have worked harder at being the person He has called me to be than I ever have in my life before. And more and more and more, I am learning to be content with who I am right now, looking forward to the person He is turning me into, and being glad that the old me is not around any longer. Sometimes, though, it's good to look at the struggles head-on and acknowledge them. Better than that, it's great to know that each and every battle has already been won by my always-victorious God. Wherever you are in the world, I challenge you today to be a doer and not just a hearer of the word, and I pray that your husband is on his way home to you, too! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Little signs

I don't know if you can really see this, but it's a cross standing on top of a hill in Karlovy Vary, Czech Republic. I have been struck lately by little things God sends my way to let me know He is at work, and I stared at this one for a long time before snapping this picture.

It has been quite a while, my friends! I hope you didn't think something was wrong--just really, really busy. Right now, Marc is in Prague working on a video for CEE leadership (and having fun with friends, too....just a nice bonus for him!), and that means handling things by myself, which leaves little time for blogging (or anything else). In fact, even as I write this, I am having to hurry so that I can finish baking cookies for the juniors to sell at today's Fall Festival. So in a few minutes, John John and I will have to head to the metro and leave for school--Sarah Beth is already there, hanging signs and getting ready, and Hannah spent the night at a friend's house. Please forgive my absence, and know that if I disappear from the web for a while, it's probably that I'm running like a chicken with my head cut off.

Since we came home from Prague a few weeks ago, I have struggled with being here. Russia can be such a difficult place to live and minister. Russians are not naturally trusting people, and they can, by American standards, seem unfriendly and cold and difficult. But lately, it seems to me that God has put in my path small signs, things that are reminders to me that He is at work even when I am unaware of what He is doing. I thought it might encourage you to read about my small signs and think about how God is showing you what He's doing wherever you are today.

The cross on the hill

• Maybe it's not even a cross in my picture. Maybe it's an electric pole with a funny configuration. But for me, seeing it in a place where atheism reigns (Czech Republic has some of the lowest numbers of believers in the world) reminded me that just because a people has abandoned God, He has not abandoned them. There is no "God-forsaken" place. He is the God of the whole earth, not just of America. He was here long before I showed up on Russia's front doorstep, and He'll be here long after I'm gone. He isn't asking me to save anybody--He's got it covered. He's only asking me to be faithful to what He's called me to do.

The people in the metro

• Nothing is as frustrating on a hard day than to get on the metro and have people, as Sarah Beth would say, all up in your business. Russians (and Europeans in general, I'm guessing) have zero personal space. It doesn't exist here. There is no such thing as too close. Remember the old Sting song, "Don't stand so close to me"? I'm guessing it wasn't a hit here. Probably got no radio time. So the metro, while an excellent form of transportation to be sure, is not always a lot of fun. But on a daily basis, someone does something kind on the metro. For every time I have been shoved against the back wall by people pushing themselves into the compartment, someone has given up their seat for John. Or they've shoved another adult out of the way so that John isn't so squished. Or they've smiled at him and called him maladyetz, or fine boy. Russians are in love with children, more so than any place I've ever been. And when I am the most frustrated with them, I am always given some reminder of their finer qualities, too. And it makes it just the tiniest bit easier to be here.

The sign on the metro

• On Tuesday, I was running way behind by the time we got to the metro. We'd seen Marc off to Prague and then waited for a bus to take us to the metro. And waited. And waited. Finally, we realized that because it was a Russian holiday, there was little public transportation running, and we would have to make the walk to the metro. So we did. A mile and a half. So you can imagine that by the time we stepped onto the metro, none of us was in a particularly happy state of mind. And because we were later than usual, everything about the metro was irksome. Other people. My own children. Everything. So I'm standing there, looking up to try and get a fix on my anger and frustration, and a small ad that has been plastered to the wall catches my eye. It's clearly a picture of a fetus, much like you would see on any pro-life ad in America. But Russia is not a pro-life place. Look at the statistics on abortion in Russia--it's heart-rending. So I'm curious as to what this ad is. I start reading/translating. And what do you know? It IS a pro-life ad right there on the wall of the metro. Unbelievable. It even has a web address where you can go if you need help with an unexpected pregnancy. I have never, in the entire year we've been here, been so stunned by anything I've seen in the metro. I just stood there, staring at it. Suddenly, my anger and frustration with this place was a little easier to handle. God is working here. There are little signs, literally, everywhere. He is moving in this place. Maybe not the way I want Him to move or at the pace...but He is moving. Amazing.

I've learned so much about who God is in the last thirteen months in Russia. And He is all the things I've said before--faithful and just and true and trustworthy. But He is also way beyond me, beyond what I can even comprehend. And my sense of entitlement--that I came here, so He should let me in on what's going on as a sort of reward for that--is way out of place. He doesn't owe me anything, and I owe Him everything.

One of the verses that God has given me in the last year is Psalm 31:21--Blessed be the LORD, for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city. Sometimes He has made His lovingkindness obvious to me. But more often than not, it has been the little signs He has given--beautiful sunshine, gorgeous leaves on the tree outside my classroom, a smile from a babushka--that have meant the most to me. And so today, in the midst of my very busy life, I am stopping to be grateful for those little signs, and for a big, giant God who is so gracious to me. He often "thunders with His voice wondrously, doing great things which we cannot comprehend" (Job 37:5), and so I am thankful that He daily puts in my path some of the smaller things that I can comprehend. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you will see today the small things that God is using to comfort you and keep you going, and that your snickerdoodles are crisp at the edges and soft in the middle like they should be. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye