A cord of three strands

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12


I have been wanting to write this post for a while now, but have struggled with how to do it and not hurt people's feelings. After all, if your friend writes a blog about friendship and doesn't mention you, that's pretty hurtful. I definitely don't want to do that. So before I even start, please know that I have many friends all over the world, people I love, and I can't possibly mention all of their names. But I really think this is a post God has laid on my heart to write, because friendship is such an important thing for women.

Several years ago, through a series of unfortunate events, I allowed the enemy to convince me that (a) I didn't need friends, and (b) I wasn't likable, so I didn't deserve friends. From the perspective of several years down the road, I can see how silly it was for me to buy into this belief, but I did, and I can't change that. And just for the record, God used this series of events to work in my life in ways I can't even put into words, so while I'm not wanting to go through a time like this again, I am grateful for the way He can use any situation to work in the heart of those who love Him. After the events were over, I concentrated on my job, my marriage, and my family, and I certainly had lots of people who called me friend, but I kept everyone around me, especially other women, at arm's length. (Except for one person...thank you, Kimmie. Have I ever said that before? If not, it's way overdue.) I wasn't interested in investing in other women, because I had bought into the lie that friendships with women were a great source of pain. Unfortunately, I carried that belief to training in Richmond, determined that I wasn't going to get too involved with other women. HA!!! God had completely different ideas, and it was at FPO that God began to do something miraculous and inspiring and wonderful in my life...He gave me real friends.

Now, if you have a whole group of friends, this might not seem miraculous to you, but it was to me. Suddenly, I found myself in a situation where I could not resist people. It started at our candidate conference, where we met precious people to whom we are still very close. I met my beloved, wonderful friend Tara at candidate conference, and we loved one another on the spot. I couldn't help it. She made me laugh. I was hooked. In the two years I have known Tara (can it only be two years, Tar? That seems impossible to me), we have shared tons of laughter, a great love for each other's children, seemingly impossible living situations in our respective countries, the sudden, unexpected deaths of the women we considered our mentors on the field (within two weeks of one another), and endless hours of talking on the phone through our year and a half on the field. Whenever I am faced with something I know I cannot handle alone, God has given me Tara and a vonage phone...two great gifts. Tara has taught me that friendship should be open, honest, and filled with laughter.

At FPO, I met Melissa, also completely irresistible. Funny, loving, quiet, opinionated, and totally accepting of my every flaw, Melissa has taught me how to have a low-key, comfortable, I'd-do-anything-for-you-but-we-don't-have-to-make-a-big-deal-out-of-it friendship. At FPO, I also met the other women headed to CEE. I spent hours putting together puzzles, laughing, worshiping, and sitting through some LONG sessions with these women. I still giggle when I go back through our notes from FPO, because invariably, I have some note written in my notebook from Melissa, Erin, Rachel, or Tara, and it reminds me of sitting at that table, laughing and joking and getting ready to be on the field. From the women of CEE at our FPO, I learned that true friendship crosses age gaps, living situations, interests, and stages of life. Real friends love each other. Period.

Here in Moscow, I have been blessed with many friendships, and each has taught me something different. When I first arrived, I learned so much from my friendships with Cathy and Karla, the two other wives of the three family units on our team. Cathy will say whatever is on her mind, even if it's something you don't want to hear, but she will somehow make it seem kind. Cathy is generous and funny, and our time together was meaningful and important to me. Karla is practical, and she taught me a lot about how to get things done here. Karla showed up with her van to take me to the store, showed me where things were, what they were called, and how to make refried beans on my own. We ate countless meals at her table, and I always cherished just being with her. Cathy and Karla taught me that friendship is a team effort, and that it can make all the difference between being here and going home.

On Tuesdays, I meet with a group of women and we eat and have prayer together and talk about a book we're studying. These women--Leslie, Lori, Frances, Donna, Terry and Lisa--give me something to look forward to each week. I don't always make it, especially when Marc is out of town, but I am always blessed by the time we spend together. My friendship with these women has taught me that relationships based on a mutual love for Christ and a heart for the lost are renewing, and that real friends spend time discussing the big stuff in life.

Any discussion of friendship would be incomplete without Frances. What can I tell you about Frances? I, who hate to talk on the phone, spent an hour on the phone with her just last night. She is funny and giving and loving and generous and outspoken and she just makes my life here better. I could not have survived Moscow without Frances. Everyone needs a friend like her--I don't care where you live. From Frances, I have learned that it's worth the time to invest time in each other, whether it's in person or on the phone.

I have another friend here, with whom I spent Saturday night at a delightful Colonial tea for her daughter's birthday. This friend is honest and funny and warm and loving, and she makes me slap my knees in laughter. I am profoundly grateful for her friendship, even though we don't get to spend tons of time together, because she is open and honest about her own struggles, and I know I can be open and honest about mine. From this friend I have learned that real friends don't have to always have it all together in front of each other, that part of real friendship is sharing the journey with one another.

There are friends at home, relationships that have deepended on Facebook, people who have been faithful to pray for us and with us, people I am looking forward to spending time with when we arrive Stateside. From these women, I have learned that the lies I believe from the enemy rob me of great and meaningful relationships, and it is worth my time to focus on what God says is true. I am looking forward to spending time with these women who have made me feel loved from thousands of miles away.

There are my college friends, with whom I have reunited on Facebook. One in particular, Shelli, is so faithful to pray and to encourage. She sends my kids Phineas and Ferb episodes on iTunes (which is a gift for all of us--have you watched it? It's hysterical), sends us messages, and just generally loves and supports us. What would we do without her? And how fun is it to reconnect with the people who knew you when you had huge hair? From these friends, I have learned that there is great value in history, in investing in people's lives for the long haul.

And finally, no mention of what I have learned about friendship would be complete without talking about Teri. Oh, my friends, how I miss her. She was funny and kind and honest and encouraging. She listened to me complain, but then offered ways to fix my situation. Above all, she loved my children. Never once did I get a call from Teri that didn't start with, "How is Hannah? John John? Sarah Beth?" She wept with me over my kids' transition problems, offered help wherever she could, taught me how to make my own pizza sauce out of tomato paste, and just generally made my life here so much better. Her life challenged me to be a better wife, a better mother, and a better Christian. I pray at the end of my life, someone will be able to say the same of me. Teri taught me that friendship is about being interested in the other person's life and serving them, about putting hands-and-feet to friendship, no matter what is going on in your own life.

I am so thankful and grateful for the friendships God has given me in this season of my life. There are so many other things I could tell you about what I'm learning, other people I could tell you about who I know you would love as much as I do. I didn't even mention the precious journeygirls who have populated my life for the last two years, loving young women who have invested in my life and in the lives of my children. I haven't mentioned Patsy, who encourages me from a thousand miles away in another part of Russia, even though we've only spent a few minutes together, or Suzanne, who lives, quite literally, half a world away in another part of Russia but is one of my all-time favorite people, or Stacy, a friend in Prague who I am so looking forward to spending time with when we move...or a dozen other people who have taught me so much about friendship. Above all, I hope this is what you walk away with from this blog--friendship, in whatever form you find it, is such a gift from the giver of all good things. Friendship built on a foundation of love for Christ enriches life in such a profound way that it's completely worth the effort it takes to develop--no matter how far apart you may find yourselves. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are giving thanks for the friends God has graced your life with, and that your husband is headed home today from the top of the world. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye