The heart of Engage Russia--Tim Wicker and Marc. This was Tim's last day in Moscow before joining his family in the States. I cannot describe to you how much we miss them, or how thankful we are for the time we had together. Love this family!
John and Han with their Easter chickens. Mimi sent them, and the kids enjoyed them--especially John, whose chicken appears to be laying an egg."'And the work of righteousness shall be peace, and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance forever.' 'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. If he can keep us hearing radios, gossip, conversation, or even sermons, he is happy. But he will not allow quietness. For he believes Isaiah where we do not. Satan is quite aware of the power of silence. The voice of God, though persistent, is soft..." from Jim Elliot's journal in Shadow of the Almighty, by Elisabeth Elliot
It is a beautiful, sunny morning here in Moscow, and I am thoroughly enjoying my second cup of coffee. (I have cut back to only one cup except on Saturdays.) The house is full, but quiet. We have two extra girls for Hannah's sleepover/birthday party, and two of our nieces came over last night and we decided collectively that it was too late for them to go home alone, so they spent the night, too. And Marc is home, so we really are full to the brim this morning. Everyone else is still asleep, but I have been up for a couple of hours now, enjoying some peace and quiet and coffee and sunshine. We are headed into that part of the year in this part of the globe where daylight is optimal--by mid-June, we will be in the white nights, when the sun doesn't ever really set. It's strange, for sure, but after a winter of only a little bit of daylight each day (and even that usually pretty gray), the sunshine is a huge blessing.
To be perfectly honest, it's been a pretty tough week for me. The kids and I returned to Moscow on Sunday. As soon as we stepped foot in the airport, the locusts began gnawing away at me. My worst fear was that no one would show up to pick us up, and that I would have to negotiate my way home on my own. So guess what happened? That's right--through a mixup at the office, no one showed up to pick us up, and I had to negotiate a way home for us. In all honesty, I wouldn't know how to do that in New York City, either, but to face having to negotiate in Russian while my three exhausted children waited with the luggage...well, it seemed monumental to me at the moment. Fortunately, I spent the flight kind of practicing what I would need to say to get a taxi (and practicing my numbers...I can't tell you how much trouble I have understanding numbers in Russian), so I was pretty prepared. We waited an hour for someone to come, and then I marched over to the taxi "area," and I ran through what I had practiced. And you know what? I negotiated a pretty good price and got us home. Thank heavens the driver didn't want to chitchat, because I had pretty much used up my whole brain by the time we made it to the car. So that was how my week started.
Of course, it's always difficult when Marc's away. I do have to say that I think that part of my life will be easier in Prague, simply because Prague isn't as big as Moscow, and things are closer. Part of what's hard here is just getting the kids back and forth to school--it takes anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour, and by the time I get home and have carried 10-20 pounds of groceries...well, I'm pretty exhausted. Thankfully, my wonderful Frances helped this week by taking me to the store in her car on Monday, so I had some basics here at the house and didn't have to carry as much. My AP students took their exam on Thursday morning, and even that kind of wore me out--just getting up early to get to school and feed them breakfast before they took the exam seemed huge to me. But it went well, and I'm sure they all did fine. They are wonderful, smart kids, huge blessings to me every single day I get to spend with them.
But the really hard thing about this week was the fog. Not the fog outside, but the fog inside my head. Have you ever experienced that? I don't know how to put it, exactly, except to say that no matter what I was doing this week, I felt like I was trying to cut through the fog in order to do it. I've tried to pinpoint the source, and I think it has to do with the trip to Prague. I had a great time, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time with our friends, and I am glad that Marc had the opportunity to get so much work done with the media team. I think it was a really important time for him to sit with his new team all in the same room. But it also hit me for the first time that I am going to leave Russia. Really leave Russia. Not just for a trip somewhere else. I am going to pack up my family and leave Russia. I can even tell you when it hit me. Larry and Melissa and Marc and I went up to Prague Castle on our way to dinner one night, and there is this beautiful over-hang, where you can look out and see all of Prague twinkling below you. I can't describe to you how absolutely gorgeous Prague is. Beautiful old homes, cobblestone streets--Prague looks like 18th century Europe, because very little about it has changed over the years. Larry and Marc were doing something away from us (you never know what the two of them are doing), and I looked at Melissa, this person I love and adore so much, to whom I have bared my soul, to whom I am committed like I'm committed to my family...and I had an epiphany. I love Prague. Prague is where God has called us for a season. But I am not called to Czechs. I am called to Russians. My ear had spent the entire trip listening to hear anyone who might be speaking Russian. I had looked on every tram and metro train to see if anyone might be Russian. I had brought every conversation back to Russia. My heart is in Russia.
So why are we moving to Prague? Because it is what God has for us right now. But I am starting to understand the feelings of other missionaries who have left Moscow to move back to the States, who have struggled with the feeling of longing for a place that isn't home, but is. And I don't think it's just about Frances and Kris and other friends here, though I am certainly not looking forward to saying goodbye to them. I think it's about something that God has done/is doing in my heart, often without me even being aware. He has burdened my heart in a way that I cannot exactly describe to you, in a way that will not make sense unless you have experienced it. When I was in Florida, I described it as being homesick for a place you've never seen. Well, now I've seen it, and though I have not always loved it, there is still a deep longing in my soul for Russia.
I feel like I've rambled here, like I haven't done a good job of expressing what is in my soul. I will tell you this--there is contentment and joy to be found in obedience to what God has for us, even when it might not make sense or even be what we want. I didn't really want to leave Florida. But I knew without a doubt that God had called me to a different place and a different life. And though life here has often been difficult, it has also been full of unimaginable joy and laughter and blessings. Even when His thoughts don't make sense to me, when His plan isn't my plan, I can unequivocally say--He is good all the time. He is trustworthy and faithful. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that even when your circumstances don't match your desires, you will continue to be obedient to the One who loves you more than His own life, and that your husband brought you bagels from Prague last night, too. Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye
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