The notebook

The outside of the notebook. It spells Aeroflot in Cyrillic. Aeroflot is the national airline of Russia.
The front page. The two quotes are both from Jim Elliot. One says, "Wherever you are, be all there." The other says, "Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

Lord God, I praise You this morning, for I have trusted in Your lovingkindness, and I rejoice in Your salvation. As I sit at my kitchen table and look over the city of Moscow, I sing to You, for you have, indeed, dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:5-6) --first entry in my prayer journal after we moved to Moscow, October 6, 2007

I rarely quote myself. It's kind of arrogant and icky. However, for the purposes of this blog, I couldn't get around it. Yesterday was pretty momentous for me, because I finished the journal that I have been writing in since I became a missionary. It was a gift from my parents. Daddy received it as a retirement gift from Aeroflot, the national airline of Russia. It is a really cool notebook, with lined pages and lots of them. (I cannot write in a straight line without lines. Gotta have 'em.) I saved it to use when I went away to training with my family in August of 2007. And in it, I have recorded prayer requests (many, many of your names are mentioned), praise to God, answered prayers, things I think God is telling me, many confessions of my own failures, and anything else that occurs to me as I'm praying. One of my goals when I came to the field--and it remains a goal--was to improve my prayer life. Not to be more consistent--I've told you before that I'm a girl with a checklist and some discipline, and finding time to spend with God is not a problem. But I've always felt that my prayers were--I don't know--simple. Not really deep or meaningful, and not really indicative of the kind of relationship I want to have with the Lord of my life. So I began writing my prayers. Sometimes I write them and then read them aloud. Sometimes I just write them. So I spent some time yesterday reading the letters I'd written, and it was a pretty illuminating experience. Here are some things I learned, both about myself and about prayer in general.

• My prayers have grown up. At first, there are a lot of "make me happy and help me to live with these people who are in my family" kind of prayers. Then there are the "what are You thinking having that person in missions work?" kind of prayers. As the book progresses, the prayers are less and less about situations and people, and more and more about the love and desire I have for Christ. Fewer and fewer specific situations are mentioned--help me with that person, Lord, because they are driving me NUTS--and the focus of the prayers becomes more and more about Him.
  

• My prayers have become very, very Scripture focused. When I feel weak and pitiful and don't know what to say, God's word ALWAYS has the right words. And I truly believe that there is a great deal of power to be found in speaking God's words back to Him. Some of my favorite prayers in the book are passages that I've rewritten for my situation. There is comfort in writing, "But now God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, the One who formed me, says, 'Kellye, do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you. I am the One who called you by name. Kellye, you belong to me! When you pass through the snow, I am right there with you. As you wade through language study, I am there, too. When things are at their most difficult, when it seems that all around you is fire--you will be safe. You will walk right through the hard times without being scorched, because I am with you. I am the LORD your God, He who saved you. You are precious to me, and I honor and love you. Refuse to be afraid, because I am with you in Moscow, just as I was with you in Richmond, and just as I was with you in Middleburg. No matter where you are, I am with you, and I call you by name. You, Kellye, I have formed and made for My glory, and I am always with you, even to the farthest reaches of the earth.'" (Isaiah 43:1-7, November 3, 2007) Who can feel weak and alone when the God of the Universe calls your name?
  

• The really important part of prayer is listening. I have never spent as much time listening for what God is saying to me as I have in the last two years. I have learned the importance of asking a question and then shutting my trap. I don't ask over and over and over anymore. God knows. He knows when I am anxious. He knows what I need to know and when I need to know it. And so instead of asking the same thing again and again, I listen and then record what I believe He is saying.
  

• He has been beyond faithful to me. There are hundreds and hundreds of prayers in that book, and when I read them, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness and faithfulness. And it's not so much His faithfulness in things or situations or people, though He's certainly faithful in those things. It's His faithfulness to show me more of Himself, to walk closely with me, to be my constant companion. It's His faithfulness to show me what He wants for me. It's His faithfulness in the big and the seemingly tiny aspects of my life. Oh, my friends--He is faithful and true. I will declare it with my last breath. He is faithful and true.

So it's time to start a new notebook. In it, I will record more prayers to my Maker. And I will record the ways in which He responds to those prayers. But I know that no matter what the future holds, when I finish that notebook and look back through it, I will see once again the goodness of the Lord. That is an immeasurable gift, I think. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you have recorded somewhere the ways in which God has been true and faithful in your life, and that you enjoyed a Weight Watchers chocolate smoothie after your workout this morning, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye