Always on time

I like taking pictures of Marc with all his equipment. Does that make me weird? This is him on top of the mountain near Hitler's Eagle's Nest.

The church and part of the castle at Berchtesgaden, Germany. There is something really awe-inspiring about walking around centuries-old buildings and thinking about the events and people who strolled in the same places. I have always been a history buff, but after living in Europe for three years, I am definitely even more interested in history.

Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18

It is a dingy, gray morning here in Prague, but I am not thinking about that today. I am enjoying my second cup of coffee, the quiet that envelops the apartment when everyone else is asleep, and the thought of my beloved Gators stomping all over the Georgia Bulldogs this afternoon. Florida-Georgia is always fun, though it does, in truth, make me homesick. They show all those shots of Jacksonville on tv every year, and I always want nothing more than just to be there. But this year, I'm not. This year, I'm in Prague, Czech Republic. Who knows where I'll be next year? Wherever I am, I can promise you that I will drop everything to cheer on my Gators, especially against Georgia. (In all fairness, I actually really appreciate Georgia's coach, Mark Richter, and his outspoken Christianity.)

It's been a rough week here. Do you ever feel like your life is spiraling into the blues, and you can see it, but you just can't stop it? That's the kind of week it's been here, not just for me, but I think for all of us. I have to be honest--we clearly felt that God was moving us to Prague from Moscow. Clearly. No doubt about it. But since we've been here, it seems like nothing will go right. Not ministry--that's going well. But in terms of our personal life, it has been a hard four months, with bad news seeming to come from every corner. Every time we turn around, something goes wrong. (Case in point--7 weeks to get our new internet installed, and several charges we didn't expect.) It started when we'd been here for a week and the desk fell on Marc's mouth, an issue that still isn't resolved and which still causes Marc a good amount of pain. Marc's trip to Russia the last two weeks was the hardest, most difficult trip he's ever taken. Illness, financial struggling, loneliness...it has not been easy to be here. Add to that a homesickness, both for the States and for Moscow, and weeks of nothing but gray skies, and it's a recipe for sadness. On top of that, we're still unclear as to what our next step should be, adding frustration and impatience to everything else. Not a good week.

But He is Lord. And He answers when I call, every single time. Has He made any of this go away? No. But to be honest, I haven't asked him to change anything...just to show me how He is at work. I don't need to see the big picture, but I need enough light to get to the next step. And I need enough of His grace and mercy and lovingkindness to keep walking on this path that He has designed for me. He is always faithful to give that to me. Sometimes, it is through my family. Nobody makes me laugh harder than my children and husband, my sisters and parents. Sometimes, it is through the kindness of people on the field. The school I have been subbing for offered to pay for Hannah to attend their retreat this weekend, something we simply could not afford. Often, it is friends on the field. A chance meeting at the park that turns into a long conversation, a call from my closest friends, pictures of a ladies night in Moscow where I was missed, even the smack talk of colleagues who, for unknown reasons, are Gator-haters...these all bring encouragement. And sometimes, as we face the uncertainty that surrounds us, it is people from home. Maybe it's a package with goodies we can't get here. Maybe it's a check slipped into my Daddy's hand at church to be deposited "for the kids." Maybe it's a Sunday School class asking what we'd like for Christmas. Whatever it is, it is always done at precisely the moment we most need it. Inevitably, when I am most discouraged, God provides encouragement through people who are willing to be used by Him. His goodness is amazing.

And so, this morning, I am not thinking about the gray outside. I am not thinking about the bad news of the economic downturn and what that means for us. I am not worrying about money or college choices or friends for my kids. I am simply basking in the glow of a God who loves me more than I can imagine, a God who is always right on time. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you know how much He loves you, and I challenge you to trust Him no matter what your circumstances may be. And I also hope you are going to spend the day getting ready for gametime, when your team, the mighty Gators of the University of Florida, will completely stomp (and chomp) the Bulldogs of the University of Georgia. Go Gators!! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

There goes my mother-of-the-year award

My little man

The best way to deal with sin has never been to attempt reform but to adore the Savior. We win over our lower nature through adoration. While we worship the enthroned, inner Christ, we cannot be controlled by our negative preoccupation with sin. --Calvin Miller

I know! Two posts in one week after a month-long silence--weird! But something happened last night that I wanted to share. Nothing earth-shattering. Just a reminder of how God works in our lives.

Let me start by saying that I am overly tired. I am homeschooling my three kids, teaching a class at the local Christian school, teaching ESL to Russian-speaking preschoolers, and starting a Sunday School class at my church. On top of that, I am working through a Bible study with friends, trying to keep up with housework, cooking, and a husband who travels a lot, and when he's not traveling is perpetually on deadline. I am hoping to be done with the class at the local school in a couple of weeks, since that is not something I am committed to in terms of ministry here--I am just filling in for a teacher who hasn't come, yet. One of the things I am learning to do is say 'no' to things that are good, but not the best that God has for me. It's hard, though--I want to help. I want to make things better for others. But my family is definitely suffering as I try to do too much, and teaching the extra class is definitely the thing that has to go. Marc and Sarah Beth have also been gone for about 10 days, and they don't return until Sunday night, so that adds to the stress of my life at the moment. So--I'm tired.

By the time I got home last night with Hannah and John (we teach preschool ESL at our church on Tuesday afternoons), I was really worn out. When Marc is out of town on Tuesdays, I don't even attempt to cook after we get home, so I take the kids to McDonald's. And then, because we were there, and when you carry your groceries you are ALWAYS picking things up, we went by Tesco, which is as close to a Wal-mart as we're going to find here. Add 15 minutes standing up on the crowded tram, and it was a recipe for a grumpy Mom. And I was definitely feeling grumpy. When we got home, I had to grade tests, read an assignment, and type out assignments for the extra class I'm teaching, and so I basically ignored my children while they occupied themselves. I didn't finish doing those things until around 10:30 (see why the class has to go?), and then I realized I was late getting them to bed. Hannah is never a problem to get to bed, but John is ALWAYS difficult to get to sleep. We never have a night where he doesn't come out with "just one question" or some other excuse to get up. He just hates going to sleep. By 10:45, when I was still asking him repeatedly to get his teeth brushed, I was annoyed. By 11:00, when he yelled from his room that the music was making a funny noise, I was beyond annoyed. When I went in to turn it off, I pulled the covers around him and sighed as I walked out of the room. He said, "Mommy, are you okay?" And without thinking, I replied, "Yes, I'm okay, John. It's just that you're so difficult, and I would love to have just one night where you were easy to deal with." As I closed the bathroom door, I heard his little voice say, "But you love me that way, right Mom? You still love me that way?" Ouch.

Of course, I ran in to kiss him and assure him that I love him any way he is, that even when I am tired and grumpy, I love him just the way he is. He smiled, turned over, and pretty quickly went to sleep. But I was up for a while. I was upset with myself for being so careless with my words. It reminded me, too, of the many times I am confronted with my own sin, and in my own little voice I say to God, "But you still love me, right? You love me even when I'm like that?" He always does the Godly equivalent of pulling the blankets around me and covering me with kisses, just like I did with John. And it reminded me, too, that while I am looking at the twig in someone else's eye, I might want to examine the log in my own. I'm not exactly low-maintenance myself. I might want to calm down on the "you're so difficult" talk, since I'm pretty sure my husband and children (and maybe anyone else who knows me) could say exactly the same to me.

I don't have any grand conclusion to draw for you from this incident, except that I am grateful for a Father who loves me in all my high-maintenance, type-A personality, difficult-to-deal-with glory, and I'm thankful for the chance to wake up on a new day and try again to be the mother God created me to be, and not the stinky, careless Mom I can sometimes be without thinking. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are waking up to try again to be all God created you to be, and that you are only a few days away from your husband coming home from Russia. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

What's next? Only God knows

The gorgeous view from the Alps above Berchtesgaden, Germany. This is where Hitler's Eagle's Nest is located. Literally breathtaking.
Moon over Salzburg, Austria. This is now one of my favorite spots on earth. So beautiful!
The two of us at a lake--Mondsee?--on our way to some sights related to The Sound of Music. Yes, Marc was a patient, good guy, and let me drag him around to different spots from the movie. It was a great trip!

Look among the nations! Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days--you would not believe if you were told. Habakkuk 1:5

Well, my friends...it's been a while. I am usually a more faithful writer than I have been since I wrote last a month ago! But between our trip to Austria, Marc and Sarah Beth's trip to Russia (leaving me as a single parent), and my teaching schedule, which has me out of the house teaching something most days...well, I've been busy. I'm only able to write this morning because I let the kids stay up kind of late last night, and they are still asleep. Those of you who know John certainly know that once he's up and going, there is little time (or quiet) for thinking reflectively and writing.

I'm working through a Bible study with some of the ladies here in Prague which focuses on God's greatness. I'm enjoying the study, which is written by James McDonald, and I'm daily amazed at the things I'm learning about God that I thought I already knew. It's not that there are big revelations to me, but more that at a time in our lives where we are constantly seeking God's will for what is next for us, I am in a position to see how God is above all and in charge of all. When we decided to come to the field five or so years ago, it was a major shock to our systems, because the future suddenly didn't look like we thought it would look. Now, as we wind down this term (our leave date is August 10) and contemplate what God has for us, we are, again, faced with a future that may not look exactly like we planned. And it's not that we weren't listening to God when we made plans, because we were. I just think that maybe we don't always dream big enough or see the world in the way He does. We see the world and the future through human eyes, because that's what we have, and it's hard to see through His eyes.

I would be lying if I said thoughts about the future haven't stressed us out a little. Not knowing exactly what's next...well, I'm a type-A girl, and not knowing makes me CRAZY! But there is comfort in this--we've said yes to whatever He has for us, and He has a plan. And His plan is better than anything we could dream up for ourselves. It might not be easier than anything we could dream up for ourselves, but it's definitely better. We know, because we've been on the front row for the amazing things He's done in the last five years of our lives, and He never fails us nor forsakes us. It turns out when He said in the Bible that He wouldn't do that...He wasn't kidding. Those weren't just nice words. He's a God of His Word. He can be trusted. So we trust and obey. And we try not to think too much about where we'll be this time next year, because we know He has a clear view of what we cannot see right now.

Well, Hannah is awake, so it's time for me to get going. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are trusting the God of Everything with the things you cannot see, and that the forecast for your part of the world does not include snow. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye