My Lifetime Movie

John's amazing cake--courtesy of Sarah Beth and her decorating skills.

John's closest friend, Laini. They accepted Christ on the same day, were baptized together, and they really love one another so much. There is something special about these two.

Hannah and Sarah Beth made this face, too--it's a Nerf target for him to shoot instead of shooting them. All three were pretty excited about it!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

This is the first morning in several that I've gotten up and not immediately spiked a fever, so I am thoroughly enjoying my second cup of coffee and some peace and quiet and time to think. The flu has reared its ugly head in the Hooks household this week, and it has not been pretty. Marc and John have remained pretty much unaffected, but the Hooks girls have been just this side of disgusting. I'm hoping that when they get up, the flu will also have run its course with them, and we can all enjoy not feeling so terrible.

When I am sick, my mind does weird things. And this week, one of the things I've been thinking about is Lifetime movies. Now, let me say up front--I love a good Lifetime movie. They're pretty harmless, they don't have bad language, they aren't usually too graphic for me to watch, and they almost always have some woman who overcomes some kind of terrible odds. I like a good woman-overcoming-odds movie. I really do. But the titles. The titles are so goofy sometimes. It's usually some statement, a colon, and then the name of the woman whose story is being told. Something like: "Bathtime for Baby: The Betty Richardson Story." So, in my fever-induced daze, I started thinking about what my Lifetime movie would be titled. And I kept coming back again and again to something Marc's grandmother said to him once on the phone. She was a little confused in her latter years, and once, when he was in high school, he picked up the phone to find his Nana on the other line. "I lost me. But I found myself again." So I've decided to borrow from Nana and make that my Lifetime movie title--"I Lost Me, but I Found Myself Again: The Kellye Hooks Story." What do you think?

We should find out this week the exact date we will leave Europe and head home for our Stateside. It involves our candidate consultant, being on the field for so many days, etc. It's nothing I want to get into here, because it's kind of complicated (read that as "I don't totally understand it myself"), but no matter what date they come back with, we are somewhere around 125 days away from going home. And to be completely honest, I'm not sure how to feel about that. Don't get me wrong--I can't wait to see my Momma and Daddy, my sisters and brothers-in-law and nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles, friends. And I need a break. I have not seen my home country for nearly three years, and I am ready to touch some American soil. But in many ways, I feel like I have just gotten my feet steady here, just gotten my sea legs, so to speak. To leave, transition back to my old life for a time, then come back to the field...it seems like a lot to me right now. Because in so many ways, I am not the person I was when I left the U.S. on October 3rd, 2007.

For the entire first year on the field, I felt so lost. Imagine going from my former life--where I had enjoyed so much professional success, loved my job, loved my church, loved living close to family--to a life where I didn't speak the language, didn't understand the culture, didn't understand the weather, and most of all, didn't understand what I was supposed to do. I was so used to being the go-to gal in my former life...and suddenly, no one really wanted my help or my opinion about anything (for good reason--I wasn't in any position to help anyone). I had to rely on other people to help me through illness (imagine trying to find medicine for your child in a language you don't read, yet), through grocery shopping (I had a bag of potatoes thrown at me once because I didn't do something right), through plugging stuff in (don't even ask how many things I blew up because I couldn't get the right adapter on anything)...I was just basically useless, and I didn't like it AT ALL. Ask my family. Ask my sister, Cathy, who talked to me on Christmas Eve as I sobbed because our church didn't acknowledge American Christmas Eve (I snuck down the hall to the Korean Church, where they were singing carols, stood outside, and cried). Or ask Kay how many times I said I just hated everything about my life. Or my poor parents...who probably spent the entire first year on their knees for me. I was miserable, my kids were miserable, and poor Marc...poor Marc loved Russia so much that he wasn't miserable, and don't think I didn't make him pay for that!

So what happened? How did I find myself again? I stopped caring about what other people thought about me. I started caring about listening to whatever advice I could find. I was open and honest about how miserable I was to those who could help me, but I stopped complaining 24/7 to my family at home. I stopped relying on my emotions, which lied to me again and again and again. I made friends and actually asked for help. And for a while, I just faked it. I stood at my kitchen window and sang, "It is Well with My Soul" to the 50,000 people who lived in my block, even though I didn't feel like anything was well with my soul, because I came to understand that no matter what I felt, no matter what my emotions were telling me, it would be well with my soul again. Seasons pass, times change, people leave the field, people come to the field...and one thing alone remains the same--the God of Everything is still there, still loves me, still holds me securely, and still has a plan for my life. It didn't always feel good. It wasn't always fun. But after a time, I found myself again. It was a different me, a me changed forever by my experience up close and personal with the God of the Universe, but it was me, nonetheless.

So I'm praying as we get ready to return to the States for a time that I will take those lessons with me, that the old Kellye is forever gone, that the new Kellye is going to be making the trip home. And that if they ever do make "I Lost Me, but I Found Myself Again: The Kellye Hooks Story," Reese Witherspoon will play me. :) Wherever you are in the world, I pray that your Lifetime movie is being written by the One who loves you most, and that you are looking forward to a day without a fever, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye