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| How cute is this? Marc and his pal, Tash, studying German. |
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| We have been together since 1988, living the most incredible adventure. Here we are in front of the Wiener Rathaus. |
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| Set up for the evening--Sooner game on tv, Gators on the big editing monitor. This is how pretty much every Saturday night of our lives looks during college football season. |
There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage. ~ Martin Luther
Well, friends, I find myself in an unfortunate but familiar position this morning--propped up on my couch with an aching knee and lower back. Marc and I walked all over Wien yesterday, just for fun, and by last night I was hurting. I woke up this morning in real pain. I've taken some Aleve and am praying for relief. I'm also praying that this is not how the rest of my life is going to be--plagued by knee and back problems. Oh, well. Enough complaining. At least my Gators won!! :)
Yesterday was one of those days that every couple needs--no plans, no agenda, and no work--just enjoying time together. I think sometimes from our pictures and posts on facebook, it may seem that our lives overseas are one long vacation--living in fun places, traveling to other fun places. And while it's true that we do love, love, love to travel and see different parts of this amazing continent, most of the time, our lives are filled with work. Marc often works until 1 or 2am on whatever video project he has at the moment. I feel like I do nothing but housework and homework all day long. (Both my German homework and helping with the kids' homework.) And that can stretch into our weekends, and in fact, it often does. So yesterday, with nothing on our agenda for the day except college football that night, we decided just to go out and walk around Wien. So we did. We got off at Rathaus (city hall) and walked to the Votivkirche and then down to the canal and the Ring. We hit a Flohmarkt, which is kind of an organized garage sale, where I picked up two books in English and Marc bought ice skates (for 5 Euros!!!), and we practiced our German. Getting out and doing things is the best way to practice a language, without question. One thing I am particularly working on is my accent, which still sounds very Russian. (My teacher told me this week I have a Kaisermuhlen accent--the neighborhood we live in has a distinct way of saying things, and I say them like everybody else here in this part of town. Hmmm...) So getting out was good. We practiced reading German inside the Kirche, where there are lots of memorials. We never get the English headsets in a museum with Deutsch, because we'll never learn it if we do that. It can make it harder, for sure, but it's great practice. We stopped at a cafe, then headed home to grocery shop and do homework (which absolutely did NOT get done).
One of the benefits/issues of this life overseas is that we are together 24/7. Sure, there are meetings, etc., and Marc has a pretty heavy travel schedule, but mostly, we're together. That can be blessing or problem, depending on the day. When we first came overseas, especially because we came at the onset of winter in Russia, it was not a blessing. All three of our kids plus us in a Russian apartment, while we learned Russian and I homeschooled...well, let's just say it wasn't particularly pleasant. But we survived it, and we learned some important lessons along the way. Since I seem to be into lists lately, here are some things we've learned about marriage in the last five years overseas:
- Every marriage has highs and lows. Listen, those people who claim to have a perfect marriage where they never fight are probably fibbing a bit. You know what? Marc and I are in accord about just about everything in the world, but we fight. The last year has been a really rough one for us, and we have fought. But no fight, no argument, no disagreement is the end of anything or that big a deal. Everybody fights. Everybody struggles. Marriage is hard, and anybody who says it isn't is lying. It's hard, because it's all about the other person, and if we're honest, we all have the capacity for truly horrendous self-centeredness. If every fight makes us worry that somehow our marriage isn't a good one, then we don't have a big-picture view of life. So appreciate the high points, pray through the low points, and hang on.
- Learn to laugh. I just have to tell you--sometimes we are complete idiots. We make huge language mistakes or culture mistakes, or we say something ridiculous. We can laugh or we can cry. From experience, I can say that laughing is far superior. There are certainly times to cry, but often, a good laugh just makes everything better.
- Be interested in each other. I watch a thousand videos a year. Marc listens to me talk incessantly about books and education. I can't tell you a single thing about video editing, and Marc couldn't care less about Jane Austen and why I've decided to reread all her books. (In case you're wondering, it's because I feel like I haven't given her a fair shake. Other people love her. I need to take a second look.) But we are deeply interested in one another. You know why I'm a college football fanatic? Because Marc is, and so it became interesting to me. He is the most interesting person I've ever known, this guy who God so graciously gave me. He makes my life broader than books and cats and what to make the kids for breakfast.
- Have a deep respect for one another. If you ask Marc, he would tell you that I am the best teacher who ever lived. If you ask me, he is the best video editing missionary on earth. But deeper than that, we know and love and respect one another's hearts. I know that Marc's heart is deeply in love with his Savior. He knows that my heart is focused on how to serve the God I love in the best way possible. I can trust him, because I know his heart and I have a great respect for who he is in his soul.
- Learn to rely on one another. In God's great goodness to us, He made us completely different people. I am practical and organized and frankly, not very creative. Marc is creative and a big, big dreamer, but the least organized person I've ever known. When we faced those truths about ourselves, we learned to rely on each other's strengths. I am never going to be the person who can picture or visualize something, but I can make a budget and stick to it. He is never going to be organized or have a straightened desk, but he is the person to whom God gives big dreams. We would have never left our old lives for this one without his dreams, and we would not be able to stay without my organization. We both bring something necessary to this life.
- It's the little stuff. His favorite meal when he comes home from traveling. Sunflowers to surprise me on a rainy day. A nice note on a facebook wall. It's the little kindnesses much more than the grand gestures that make marriage so sweet. In a related note--about five years ago, we banned the snippy, ugly sarcasm about one another. No ugly comments and then a 'just kidding.' Can I suggest that kind of sarcasm has no place in any relationship? It has done wonders for our relationship and our relationship with our kids to drop that stuff from our repertoire.
- Spend time alone. The daily details of life have a way of working their way in and strangling any romance out of a relationship. Kids and sicknesses and verb conjugations and deadline pressures and financial strain don't add up to sweet, romantic feelings most of the time. And we're not dependent on feelings--this is a covenant, after all, not a chick flick--but we need to make sure we cultivate every area of our marriage in order to make it rock solid and strong. For us, time together, sitting in our favorite cafe, drinking strong Viennese coffee gives us time to remember that we're not just roommates raising children together. And by the way--some day it's going to be just the two of us. I want to make sure we aren't strangers when the kids are gone.
- Praise God, loudly and often, for each other. Marc is God's most incredible gift outside salvation to me. He is the biggest surprise of my life--I never really thought I'd get married and have kids--and the best one. He is funny and fun, and he makes me a better person. (He has this look--it involves an eyebrow--that lets me know when I'm being particularly snarky.) He loves me more than I deserve on a daily basis. I could not be more grateful for him, and I want to make sure he knows it.
His,
Kellye
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