waiting and waiting and waiting

Hannah and her friend, Chrissy. Can you believe how much Hannah has changed in the last two years? Yikes!
Hannah with her Caring Community Group from school. She loves and treasures these girls.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:28-31

I am alone this morning. Isn't that weird? John has been at different friends' houses for the last two nights, and it has afforded me some quiet and time to think. I also had the chance to spend three hours of non-stop, uninterrupted time with a friend here who is priceless to me, someone I love and adore, but who I rarely get to spend time with because she lives in another part of the city. I am so grateful for my friends, Lori and Frances, who invited John John to their houses for a part of spring break. What a blessing to me!

It occurred to me yesterday on the metro ride home that there is a theme in my life right now. I have been reading about it in my quiet time, it has come up in conversations, it is a theme in the lives of many of those around me as change continues to come to Moscow. And as I told an old story to my friend yesterday, a story of old hurts, a story of God's incredible goodness to me, the theme popped its head up again. Right now, my life seems to be all about waiting and listening. Listening to others, certainly, but mostly listening to God and waiting on God.

I am a Type A person if ever one was born. I like to be busy. I don't like to relax. I want to know the five-year and ten-year plan. And right now, I don't know those plans. God has not let me in on those, yet. I know the one-year plan: move to Prague in July. Live for a year. Go back and put Sarah Beth in college. I know what WE plan after that, but I am not clear on what God has planned. And though there are parts of me, somewhere in my innermost core, that desperately want to know what's next, one thing I have learned in the last five years of my life is that waiting on God is never time wasted. He is always at work. I may not know how He's at work. I may hate the things going on around me. But I no longer doubt that He is in control, that He is at work, that He is constantly changing and growing and maturing me into the person He sees when He looks at me.

So what does my old story have to do with waiting? While there is no need for details here, I can say that this was the deepest, darkest night of my life. I felt abandoned by friends and by God. I can remember being face down on the floor, crying out to God, asking for relief. And it didn't come. I begged Marc to change our circumstances. He quietly, but firmly, refused. We were going to wait until he had a firm word from God that it was time to change those circumstances. And so we waited. And waited. For a really long time. Slowly, I started to realize that God was at work in my life, that He was doing amazing things, wonderful things, because I was waiting on Him. I wasn't waiting on other people to change. I wasn't waiting on people to suddenly like me again. I was waiting on Him. And things started to become clear to me that had been cloudy before: His faithfulness; His perfect timing; His insistent, persistent call on my life and the life of my family. And you know what? When I stopped demanding that He do something about my situation, when I told Him He was enough for me and really meant it, when I surrendered every relationship in my life to Him...our situation improved. It was slow. It took time. But relationships healed. They weren't the same relationships we'd had before, but they were free from bitterness and anger. And then we came to the field and discovered some of the best friends we've ever had or will ever have. We waited on God...and again and again and again, He showered us with His grace and compassion and love.

So what's the moral of this story? Wait on God. Take courage and wait. I don't know your circumstances. I don't know what doubt or fear or loss is dominating your life right now. But I know how big my God is, because I have trusted Him, and He has never failed me. Not even once. Whatever your situation, He is enough for it. I promise. I know.

Well, I'd better run. I am meeting Frances and the kids at the metro in an hour, and we are going in search of the first Burger King and Gap to open in Moscow. There will be pictures! Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are waiting on the Lord and finding the courage that only comes from Him, and that there is a whopper jr. in your immediate future! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye