Channeling Miss Louise

The beautiful freshmen girls at Schloss Belvedere

Hannah and her lovely friend, Steffi

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:3

Every family has its own folklore, traditions, legends...those parts of family life that can easily be conveyed to one another with a look or a gesture or a phrase. They don't mean much to people outside the family, but to those inside the family, they are likely to induce hilarity and snickering. For example, in the Hooks family, all you have to say is "sock monkey," and my three kids break down in laughter, remembering the time that--in complete and total frustration--I ripped the head off of John's beloved sock monkey. I'm not proud of that, but it was a thousand years ago, and now I can see why it's so funny. We even have a sock monkey ornament on our Christmas tree, both to commemorate how much John looked like a sock monkey when he was a baby (don't judge--he did) and the aforementioned beheading. In my family growing up, Miss Louise was a fixture in our family folklore. I'm not sure if she taught both my sisters or not, but I know she was Kay's teacher. She had little sayings that she would repeat (doesn't every teacher?), and those little sayings became a part of our family language patterns. My personal favorite is, "You take care of yourself, and you've got a mighty big job to do." And this morning, I am channeling Miss Louise (without the horn-rimmed glasses) and remembering that taking care of the plank in my eye is, indeed, a mighty big job.

One of the things that happens when we ask God to be at work is that He obliges us, and that isn't always comfortable. I'm reading a book by Jerry Bridges--The Pursuit of Holiness--and it is kicking my behind. In studying the book, I have had to take a long look in the mirror at what keeps me from holiness, what I choose to indulge in because I categorize my own sins as not so bad. That is a self-centered view of sin. Bridges encourages readers that our sorrow over sin must be God-centered--that we must repent from sin because it so offends a holy God. He talks about obedience rather than victory--that holiness is about obedience to our God rather than victory we accomplish. OUCH!! All of that hit me squarely in the eye this week.

If you read this blog or you are friends with me on facebook, you know that the last month has been truly awful and stressful. Lots of things are going on that are causing the stress in our little family to build--continued transition, language exams, my Dad's illness, and other things too personal to share in a public format. Stress, stress, stress. Seldom in the four years we've spent overseas have I wanted to go home so badly. And not just to visit. But to give up. Pack our bags. Leave. Teach school in Florida and be a missions pastor. Forever. :) Do you get the idea? The stress has been awful.

Now, before you start sending me messages not to give up, we're not going to do any of that. Nobody should make life-changing decisions in the middle of transition. We haven't been here long enough to give up. And my Daddy would KILL me if I came home because of his illness. :) So we're not leaving. But I really wanted to. Even Marc has felt defeated and just down. It's not been a great time. But as we try to do in any difficult situation, we are asking God to show us what He's doing. What He's trying to teach us. What ugliness He's sloughing off so that the new man can thrive. And that is why I'm channeling Miss Louise this morning.

It is easy, isn't it, to get caught up in the people who don't behave like you want them to behave.  Those people can fill up your life if you let them. And in facing my own sins, this is a biggy--I easily become focused on the negatives in this life. I want people to be kind, to be thoughtful, to be encouraging, to be loving--and when they aren't, I am really angry at them. And if I let myself, I hold onto that anger and let it build. That is what I've gotten caught up in during the last month. In all the change and transition and dealing with people all over the world, I've been angry. Angry that people don't do what they say they are going to do. Angry at doctors who take forever to make a diagnosis. Angry at people who are thoughtless. And some anger that God has chosen the middle of transitioning into a new culture to do some scrubbing up in my life.

So what do you do about this kind of anger, which is clearly not righteous anger or anger that's making me holier? Of course, prayer and confession and cleansing come first. Always. But then, at least for me, it's helpful to focus on the people who have been so great. Encouraging words. Kindnesses, big and small. People who have faithfully prayed for our family. Friends here, with little gestures, who have lightened the load. My sweet, sweet friend, who has checked on me and encouraged me, even while she's on vacation. Old friends who understand and give up their day to have "coffee" that turns into lunch. Growing ministry opportunities here. Gifts that make it possible for Hannah to go home to Florida in 22 days--not that she's counting. Family Life Groups who send packets of cards and gifts for our birthdays. The family friend who has stayed at the hospital to translate the medical-ese for my parents and help comfort the three far-away daughters. The precious friends who raced to the hospital. Aunts and uncles who faithfully pray for us, and send us sweet email messages on a nearly-weekly basis. Beloved, treasured mentors who encourage us on skype and facebook and email, whose very lives are examples of running this race well. Too many kindnesses and encouraging words to recall here. Far more people in my life act exactly as they should, far more go above and beyond to love and encourage me, than don't. That has to be a reason to let go of anger and bitterness.

And finally, I've had to look at the speck in my own eye. Am I kind, thoughtful, encouraging? Sometimes. Sometimes not. But that is something I can control. I cannot make other people do anything, but I can be kind and encouraging, even to those who don't reciprocate. I can love people who are a little harder to love. I can focus on the sin in my own life, and let God deal with others. Or I can make myself (and everyone around me) miserable and become bitter and angry and unusable. Hmmmm...that doesn't seem like much of a choice to me. I think I definitely choose to saw away at my own plank.

Well, it's time to clean the apartment. I'm not sure this will make sense to anyone outside of Europe, but our living room windows have been open, and it looks like it has snowed on our tv. Is it cottonwood? I only know what it is in Russian--pux. Terrible stuff. Then we're going to the flea market at school to shop around for bargains. Who knows what fabulous treasures we'll find? And tomorrow, we celebrate Marc's birthday with friends. Sounds like it's going to be a good weekend. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are focused on your own plank instead of someone else's speck, and that you are looking forward to getting some housework done today, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye