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| These two...well, they're kind of a mess, but hilarious together. It's good to have friends for a long time. |
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| Han and her pals from ICSV at their formal in May. They are also a mess. :) |
I have a few minutes before I have to exercise and shower before my German lesson. (For those of you on Facebook with me, you'll be glad to know that I did get my homework done. It took most of last night, but I got it done.) This particular topic is one I've really been thinking about, especially as I really watch Han and her friends grow and mature and struggle with what that's going to look like for them. Of course, perspective is everything, isn't it? I've already raised one daughter to adulthood, and she turned out pretty ok. :) (That's her life verse, by the way. You, SB, are definitely God's workmanship.) And I'm missing an important picture up there, one of Han and her best friend from home, Maddy. So Mads, you'll have to forgive me, but you know I'm technologically challenged, and I don't know how to get pictures off Han's facebook to put on here. But that should definitely be the third picture.
It's a privilege, isn't it, to watch people grow up? Some of the girls in her life have been a part of Han's world for a really long time, and to watch them mature and grow, both as young women and as Christians...what an awesome thing to get to do. Of course, we also love her friends from school, sweet girls who make our lives in Vienna so fun and interesting. It's also interesting to watch their struggles--some familiar, some not--from the perspective of my...many years, let's say. (Keep your comments to yourself. I can hear them from Austria!) Some things never change, and there are definitely things I've learned over time that I wish my 15-year-old self had known all those years ago.
God really does have a plan. Seriously, He does. And it's way, way better than you can imagine. I never in a million years pictured myself living in Russia or Czech Republic (Czechoslovakia when I was 15) or Austria...and I didn't really picture myself with a husband and children. But those things were in God's plan for me, and they are far superior to the life I dreamed up myself.
It isn't all about me, after all. And that's a great thing. All those years of cleaning and folding laundry and changing diapers (ok, Marc did most of the diaper changing) and packing lunches and planning meals...never wasted. Neither was any kindness I did when prompted by the Lord. Building churches, teaching Sunday School, teaching English, spending time thinking and praying for others rather than myself...the best moments of my life, moments I've never, ever regretted. Those things have made me tired, they've challenged me, they've sometimes stretched me to the point I thought I would break, but they have been the happiest, most fulfilling moments of my life. Being a wife and a mom and a teacher and a worker overseas...I wouldn't trade it for all the gold in...wherever they keep the gold. Fort Knox? Is that right?
If he's supposed to show up, he'll show up. And when he does, you'll know. Not everybody gets married. Some people are single. So I'm not promising your forever guy is out there, because I don't know God's plan for your life. But if he is out there, you'll know it. Maybe not when he walks in the room, but when it's time to know, you'll know. And just like God's plan for your life is better than your plan for your life, what you think is important in a man is going to pale in comparison to the enormous blessing of spending your life with God's perfect man for you. Marriage is super hard, but it's also the most fun I've ever had. But it's fun because I waited for God's guy. And it turns out, He definitely knew what I needed more than I did.
Be the lunker. This is advice I'm stealing from Hannah's youth pastor in Florida. He told her the thing his dad told him: to catch the lunker (I don't know--some kind of fish), you have to have the right bait. The same goes for relationships. He had her make a list of what she knew she wanted in a guy--heart for God, missions/ministry oriented, kind, fun, etc.--and then he told her to work on becoming the woman that guy would want to marry. In other words, girls, stop worrying about who you're going to date. Stop going from guy to guy. Spend some time concentrating on the person God created you to be. At 15, that's way more important than dating somebody right now.
You're God's workmanship, so act like it. Don't pollute your mind and body with the junk this world says is important. Act like somebody who knows she is loved and adored by the King of kings. Because you, my friend, are the design of God. He loves you right now, just like you are. He does not care if you have an acne breakout or braces or whatever thing you feel bad about yourself today. That will pass, but His love never fails. So make sure you are acting like someone who knows her place in the kingdom.
Don't settle. In any area of your life. Prayerfully make goals for yourself, and then work to achieve them. Whether it's school or boys or music...no matter what area of your life...don't settle just because it's convenient. Know how you want to be treated, and then don't make excuses for the boys who don't treat you that way. Insist on being treated with kindness, with respect. And when you're not, walk away.
Fifteen is a moment in time. It'll pass. Sometimes, it feels like 15 is going to be forever. But it's not. It's high school, which is often rotten and full of terrible people, but it passes. And the great news is that those people who were jerks at 15 often grow up to be perfectly nice people. Because just like you are not yet the person you're going to be, neither is anybody else. So cut everybody, including yourself, some slack. Treat others with the grace you want, too. Because, thankfully, you're all going to grow up. Hopefully. :)
I wouldn't go back to being 15 for anything. It was an awkward age for me. I wasn't very sure of myself, and I often made huge mistakes, especially in relationships. I was just a gangly mess most of the time. But I grew out of it. Or maybe I didn't, but God was kind and allowed me to have a great life, anyway. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that your life has only gotten better with time, and that you got all your German homework done, too. Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye
2 comments:
Kelley,
This is a great gift to your daughter, and moms & daughters everywhere. Thank you for publishing not just your thoughts, but the life lessons you have and are learning that can only be learned from an intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father. Bless you!
Andy
Kellye, just read your blog and posted a comment, but it didn't show up...so here goes again. Thank you so much for writing this. It is such beautiful, God-wise, and timely advice, for guys and gals, of all ages, not just 15. I too wish I had had this wisdom at that age as well. We have also encouraged our kids to have their identity wrapped up in Christ, not themselves, their talents, or other relationships, and watch and wait on Him to accomplish the purposes and plans He has for them in His perfect timing. Sometimes they have heeded this encouragement and other times not. I also agree with the part about being who we need to be in Christ and not seeking "that person" but seeking Him and His plan and being who we need to be. Caleb just read a really great book (prolly designed for an older crowd) but he loved it, and it opened up hours of discussions and dialogue, and I wanted to recommend it to you and your blog readers, because it is so well and wisely written, and so needed for this generation of teens/young adults (and even some adults haha) It also confirms and reaffirms some of the things we have been trying to teach our kids through the years. The Best Question Ever by Andy Stanley it was published in about 2003 or 2004. It is encouraging people of all ages to make wise decisions and choices, dealing with all sorts of issues, as well as relationships.
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