Lessons I've learned about success

Anastasia smiles for the camera while everyone tries their first pumpkin pie (which I made totally from scratch and turned out to be pretty tasty).
Marc is explaining something to Anastasia, and she is obviously listening pretty intently.
Sergei is smiling at something Karoline said, while Leigha (sitting) waits to eat and Marina (looking at the camera) goes to get something to drink.
The table set for dinner. The tablecloth, napkins and plates were sent to us by my sister's Sunday School class at First Baptist of Allen, Texas. The plates have part of Psalm 100 on them, and everyone spent time reading them before they got their food.

We must renounce confidence in our ability, acknowledging that it is only by His indwelling life that we accomplish anything of value...Ability becomes a liability when we trust in the ability instead of trusting in God. --Grace Rules by Steve McVey

Yesterday was our English Club Thanksgiving celebration, and we are very happy with how things went. We ate, talked, laughed, and each person had the chance to say what they are thankful for in their lives. Marc prayed in Russian (yea, Marc!) and read from the Psalms. Then, in a moment I will not soon forget, Sergei read a poem about being thankful to God. Then he looked around at each of us and said, "I am thankful to the Lord, for He has been very good to me." That may seem like a baby step to anyone living outside of Eastern Europe, but for those of us here, it's a giant leap. It is good and comforting to see progress...a testimony to God's grace toward us.

One of the things that has happened is that my idea of what success is has changed over the fourteen months we've been here. I will never forget sitting across from Teri Tarleton at ILC in Richmond and hearing her say, "Kellye, my only fear for you is your need for success. Success in Russia looks different from success here." When I came to Russia, the thing that drove me the nuttiest was that I felt like I'd been put in a situation where success was not an option. Full-time language and full-time homeschooling didn't leave much of an option for feeling anything less than a failure. I probably muttered to myself a thousand times, "If I can't do it well, it can't be done." Looking back on that, I hear the pride wrapped up in the idea that I am so...smart, organized, together, motivated, hard-working...that I can do anything. And my intentions were good. I wanted to succeed at this life just like I'd succeeded in my life in the States. I wanted to be successful for God, to do great things for Him.

Of course, what I've learned is that God doesn't need me to be successful for Him. He needs me to be available. He needs me to be faithful. He needs me to be listening. He needs me to be open to things I've never, in my whole life, considered doing. But He doesn't really need me to be successful. You want to know the truth? There's a lot less pressure in a life that isn't so focused on success. I don't have to have the biggest English club to feel like I'm doing what God wants me to be doing right now. I don't have to have great AP scores. I don't have to speak perfect Russian. (Ha! I'll NEVER speak perfect Russian!) I just have to do whatever it is He's given me the grace for this day. Tomorrow, I'll get more grace and a different set of instructions. I don't have to worry. He's got it all under control. He'll let me know when I need to know what's next. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are depending totally on God for whatever is next in your life, and that your team and your husband's team will NOT be playing in the national championship against one another. Go Gators!!! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Oh, to grace how great a debtor...Jesus saves!

This is my traditional picture to capture how many people we had in the apartment. It is customary to take off your shoes when you enter someone's home. This was our entryway during our after-Thanksgiving party.
There was, of course, Phase Ten to be played.
John-John and his friend, James, are playing Xbox. I love the look on John-John's face.

Freedom's calling
Chains are falling
Hope is dawning
Bright and true.
Day is breaking
Night is quaking
God is making
All things new.
Jesus saves!
--"Jesus Saves"
Travis Cottrell
David Moffitt

Wow! A weekday post...amazing, I know. I usually don't have time to do this in the mornings before school, but this was a story I had to tell, so I'm making time for it. I hope you will find it as encouraging as I do.

Many, many days, it is just plain hard to live here. A friend of ours put it perfectly yesterday. He said it was work to live in Moscow. You're working all the time. It's not something I can describe, but suffice to say that living in Moscow often makes me feel worn out and wrung out and discouraged. I can't talk about other fields, but I can tell you that Moscow is just plain hard. And because we've been raised as Southern Baptists, we've spent our whole lives hearing numbers. There were this many in worship, this many in Sunday School, we visited this many at visitation...you get the idea. So when numbers drop in whatever ministry you're working on, it can be very discouraging. And that's exactly what has happened lately with English Club. We have been having maybe 5-10 people, when we ran in the high teens this summer. Of course, we understand that people's schedules have changed, and so they are working on Thursday nights, etc., but that doesn't prevent us from feeling like mediocre missionaries, at best. So last night, I just asked God to help me find a way to really invest in whoever showed up for English Club. No matter how many people came, I asked Him to help me pour myself into them. And then something very interesting happened.

Only two people showed up last night. Two. Leigha, who is a 17-year-old high school student, and Marina, who is a chemical engineer in her mid-50s. At first, I was disappointed. I had just said to Marc that it wasn't worth the preparation to only have a few people, so maybe we should just cancel English Club altogether. But he reminded me that we really only started with two people, and God had been faithful so far. So I came into the living room to chat with them before the lesson started, and I found them looking at the Christmas decorations. Leigha was smiling and Marina was gazing around the room. "Kellye, (I wish I could spell my name like Russians say it...sort of like kyeelee) I have never seen such decorations as these." I began explaining all the decorations on the tree, what the ornaments mean, different relationships they represent, and how we chose them very carefully to bring with us. I even talked about my Momma wrapping each ornament individually, and how it meant so much to me to have my decorations with me at Christmas, especially since Russians don't celebrate Christmas in the same way or at the same time as Americans (and most of the rest of the world) do. Leigha quietly said, "My family has a Christmas tree. We celebrate on December 25th." I looked at her and smiled. "Really?" I said. "Why does your family celebrate on the 25th?" She smiled at me again. "Well, my aunt once lived in the United States. And we are Christians." And then, very quietly and in Russian, she said, "We are not Orthodox." For a split second, we looked at one another. "I understand," I replied in Russian. And suddenly, English Club had taken an interesting turn.

So we went on with the lesson, but everything had a different feel to it, at least to me. As we were doing the lesson, I kept catching Marina gazing at our Christmas stockings, which my Momma made for us. "What is it called, Kellye, this putting together of different fabrics?" she asked. I told her it was quilting, and that my mother had made the stockings for us. "She is very talented, your mother." Yes, I agreed. I told her that I found them very comforting, because I knew that each time my mother had stitched things for me, she had thought of me, loved me, and prayed for me. "She must love you very much," she said softly. Then I showed her the quilt my friend, Janet, made and that different members of our church had signed. I told her that even that afternoon, I had sat in that chair with the quilt on my lap, reading a book, and thinking about the people who had signed the quilt and the beloved friend who had made it. I emphasized again that these things meant so much to me. "They must love you very much," she said. I went on to tell her about quilt ministry at our church, how my mother and her friends had sent blankets all over the world to people who needed them, because God had given them that talent to use for Him in places they would never see and never visit. "She is an extraordinary woman, I think. Your mother," she said as she gazed, once again, at the stockings. Then the "Hallelujah Chorus" played on Marc's iPod, which we had hooked up to play softly the whole evening. "What is this song?" Marina asked. So I told her the story of Handel, of the king standing in praise the moment he heard the hallelujahs, how all over the world, when people hear the opening chords they stand in honor, not of tradition, but of the baby Jesus, who was sent to save us. And suddenly, English Club had taken a VERY interesting turn.

Now, I would love to tell you that Marina bowed her head right there and accepted Christ. She didn't. But she laughed and talked, something she has never done in the six months she has been faithfully coming to our house. It struck me that God had given me so much grace that night...first to be encouraged by Leigha's faith, and then to be encouraged that He is at work in the people to whom we minister...even when we can't see what He's doing. It is so difficult to strike up spiritual conversations with Russians, yet He had given me an entire night when I had nothing but spiritual conversations. He is good...all the time. And so, my Momma and her quilts came to English Club last night, ministered to my Russian friend, and helped me talk about Jesus. Not a bad day's work. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are having opportunities to tell others the good news that Jesus saves, and that your apartment is ready for the big party at your house tomorrow afternoon. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Listening and waiting...not really my forte

The Ivanovo Princesses (Alys and Sarah) came to visit for Thanksgiving. Sarah Beth (can you see her head in Sarah's lap?) was pretty thrilled, as were the rest of us.
Ed, Marc and Jill are solving the problems of Russia in the Tarleton's kitchen. Not a bad way to spend Thanksgiving.
Aren't our girls all beautiful? This was a couch full of pretty on Thanksgiving Day.
Hannah and her friend, Amielle, contemplate the many delicious desserts laid out on Thanksgiving Day.
We had some great praise and worship time. I can't tell you how much we love the people in this picture.

Trust and obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey.

I don't have tons of time this morning, since Hannah has to be at Kaluzhskaya Mall to meet a friend in an hour, but I thought I'd take a second or two to post some Thanksgiving pics and tell you that we had a great day. We spent the day at Ed Tarleton's with Ed, Rachel and Rebecca and about 30 other people. We had a great time, and we walked away feeling thankful for the relationships we've made here in Moscow. Then last night we had about 30 people over for an after-Thanksgiving chili and football (and Christmas movies and Phase 10) party. We had a wonderful time, and I'll post some pics tomorrow of that. Suffice to say that it's been a great holiday for us, and we are enjoying some time as a family without a lot of outside pressures. I'm especially thankful for that.

I've been thinking a lot about how God's grace isn't always comprehensible, and neither are the things that He sifts through His hands for us. We are facing decisions about our career that we never thought we'd have to make this early into our career. Beloved friends, faithful servants here in Russia, had an adoption fall through and found out the same day that they will likely have to leave Russia for good. Of course, Thanksgiving Day was a reminder that our darling Teri was missing, bringing thoughts of that loss to the forefront of our minds again. More and more, life gets harder in this country for foreigners. What is He up to? Shouldn't it be easier to be His? Unfortunately, if you study His word, there's no promise of easy. There's only a promise to be faithful, to always be with us. I'd love to see the verse with a promise of an easy life, so if you can find it, let me know. But so far, that's not how it's worked for most people I know. So what do you do with the stuff that makes no sense? You listen and wait. You smile and move forward. You trust and obey...even when it doesn't make sense. So we're enjoying our weekend, listening and waiting, trusting and obeying. There really is no other way to be happy in Jesus.

Well, we've got to get Hannah to the mall to meet her friend, so I'd better run. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that even when life doesn't make sense, you will trust and obey the One who loves you more than you can imagine, and that your Russian friend brought you beautiful red carnations at the party at your house last night. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Thanksgiving is a choice

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Happy Thanksgiving! Most of you are still asleep, because it's just midnight in the States, but I have been up for a while, making rolls, boiling potatoes for mashing, and spending quiet time with the Lord (and with Starbucks...which is heavenly). I can't think of a better way to start this Thanksgiving, can you? We will spend our Thanksgiving with the Tarleton's and about thirty other people. YIKES! That's a lot of folks in one apartment. But it will be fun to be together, and my family is really looking forward to it.

As I read my Bible this morning, it occurred to me that being thankful is a choice, and not just today, when it's expected, but every day in every thing. It's a choice that can be hard for me. Many days, it's a whole lot easier to just concentrate on what is hard or bad about life. But when I take the time to really look at my life, in spite of the hardships of living far from home, I find that I am so much more content. So here are some things I am especially thankful for this Thanksgiving, and every other day, too:

• our partner churches, who love us and pray for us continually
• facebook, which keeps me connected to people I love from all over the world
• teaching, which provides an outlet for me to feel successful and active in ministry
• my students, who make me laugh and are just generally wonderful people
• growing friendships here in Moscow
• beloved friends around the world
• our cat, Notchka, who is a big, silly goober, but keeps us laughing
• iTunes, which lets us download movies and music that make life fun (Get Smart last night--what a hoot!)
• boxes from the States, full of goodies and treats that we can't get here
• Marc's job, which he loves so much
• Tim, Marc's traveling partner, who Marc also loves so much
• Ed, our boss here, who has a passion and vision for this giant place
• snow, which makes the gray a little bit lighter (it's pouring snow again, by the way)
• my new snow boots, which are comfortable, warm, and have great tread on the bottom!
• my home, which is big enough to house lots of people
• the company we work for, which takes unbelievably good care of us
• my parents, who are ridiculously wonderful and love us so much
• my sister, Kay, who is such an enthusiastic person, and who puts her all into everything she does, including loving her family far from home
• my sister, Cathy, who is kind and generous and loving, and everything you can imagine or want in a big sister
• Sarah Beth, who is growing into a tremendous young woman, full of love for Christ and her fellow man
• Hannah, who is working so hard to live here and choose happiness
• John-John, who makes sure life is never, ever boring or dull
• Marc, who treats me like a queen
• my Jesus, who has become more real to me in the last year, who walks with me every day, who loves me even when I am immensely unlovable, who died so I might live

Well, folks are stirring here and there are potatoes to mash, so I should run. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are thankful for the many gifts God has given you, and that your husband is going to drive you to the metro so you don't have to carry all the Thanksgiving food for a mile. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Grace, grace, God's grace

Rebecca and John John...he adores her, and well he should. Who else would play tic tac toe with him if not for Becca?
I cannot remember what Rachel and Sarah Beth thought was so hysterical, but I love this picture so much. Sarah Beth and Spunky...quite a pair.
I have not yet convinced Hannah that she can drink her hot chocolate instead of sipping it with a spoon. Do other people's children do this? (And yes, John John is eating cereal directly from the container.)

We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all--all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help. Hebrews 4:15-16 (The Message)

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 (NASB)

The IMB Moscow ladies (I can't figure out another way to put that...sorry) have started meeting every Tuesday for lunch, prayer and Bible study. I cannot tell you what an answer to prayer this has been. Those who are closest to me in the world know that I have longed and prayed for connection to other women in this city. We are studying Colossians right now--kind of nice for me, since I did a study of Colossians about two months ago--and on Tuesday, I was struck by something that one of the ladies said. She said that growing up in the church, she did not know about God's grace for living. Grace for salvation, yes, but not for living. It struck a chord in me. Do I really understand God's grace? I did a word study of 'grace' for the rest of the week, and you see one of my favorites above. I wonder sometimes whether in times of need we actually draw near to the throne of grace and ask for help, or do we shout it from a distance? Do we want Jesus to come to us, or do we draw near to Him? I don't know the answer to that for everyone, but more and more I am contemplating how to draw near to the throne of grace.

The last month of our lives has not been an easy one. There have been some great things, to be sure, but there has also been lots of traveling for Marc (he's in Chebaksary now) and discontentedness for the rest of us. (I am thinking of banning the saying, 'it's not fair' from the household.) We have struggled with Marc's absence, with school, with our emotions, with each other. And I find myself praying, "Lord, I know You are tired of me coming to You about this, but could You just give me enough grace to get through this moment? I know You're so sick of us and our complaining and our failure and our moods and our chaos, but please...just a little more grace?" And you know what? I'm pretty sure after studying His grace a little more in-depth that He is never tired of me coming to Him. He has an abundance of grace. More than I can comprehend. More than I can understand. And certainly more than I can exhaust. It turns out that His grace is bigger and more powerful than any of the millions of things I bring to Him in the course of a day. As I contemplated that this week, I was overwhelmed by it. Staggered. Thankful.

What about you? Isn't it awesome to know that our God's love and mercy and grace and compassion is never-ending? No matter what you've done in the past. No matter what you do in the future. His grace is enough for it all. Now that's something to be thankful for this holiday season! Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are resting in the knowledge that God's grace is more than you'll ever need, and that you are sipping a cup of Starbucks while two of your three children are still asleep. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

The post office, the packages, and the puzzles

Sarah Beth was pretty excited about the hot cheetos--her favorite--from FBC Allen, Tx.
John John is doing the happy dance over gummi bears from the same package.
Hannah was very pleased with her Reese's peanut butter cup.


Let me be clear: I avoid the post office in Moscow. Have heard nightmare stories, want nothing to do with it, and send my husband to do that most onerous of chores. (Yeah, it's worse than the trash--we have a chute right outside our door.) But in order to pick up packages, one must go to the post office. And if you don't do it quickly, the bigger the chance that the package will just disappear. So, of course, when Marc left Wednesday night, not only did the snow come, but also the package slips. I came home yesterday to find two slips in our box. So Irina and I trudged the mile to the post office, turned in the slip, and brought back two boxes from the Matheny's. Today, I had another slip and no Irina. But I remembered what to do, so I trudged right back to the post office (I'd already pulled my little cart home from school with a big turkey in it, so what was a little more pulling?), filled out the form, showed my passport, and grabbed the package, this time from my parents. I put it in my cart and headed home. Inside the package were all kinds of fun things--drink mixes, pudding mixes, American medicine, t-shirts, weight watchers stuff--something for everyone. But the thing that was most important to me was the collection of wonder word puzzles.

Now, many of you may not know what the wonder word is. It is a puzzle, my favorite, in which you get rid of letters by finding words, and then a word is spelled with what is left over after you've found the words. I love it. It is in the Jacksonville paper every Sunday, and I never missed a puzzle when I lived there. And in the package was a pile of them that my mom had cut out of the paper. With all the other fun stuff in there, why was that my favorite? Because it was thoughtful. Every time my mom cut one of those out, she did it for me. Cathy Matheny filled our Christmas boxes with things for Christmas cookies, because she remembered that last year, I didn't have the stuff to decorate cookies. My sister's Sunday School class from First Baptist, Allen, Texas, filled a box with hot chocolate and hot cheetos, because those are my kids' favorites. It was thoughtful. They didn't just throw any old thing together and expect that we'd be thrilled (we would, by the way, because there is no bad box), but they consciously put things in that we either needed or that would be such a treat for us. They thought about us. And that's why packages are so important to my family.

Now, please know that this is not a guilt trip if you've never sent us--or anybody else--a package overseas. Trust me, I certainly never sent a package overseas to anyone. But when we get a package (or packages--we've gotten five packages in the last ten days!), we know that we are remembered. I can't tell you how important that is. It can be very isolating to be over here, away from the familiar, especially during the Christmas season. Knowing that we are being thought of and prayed for is such an encouragement. So if you have sent us a package, thank you so much. God has used you to minister to us in ways you cannot imagine.

Well, I'd better run. I'm defrosting my freezer, because I cannot get my turkey in there. I'm praying when it's defrosted, Ol' Tom will fit. If not, I'm going to have to hang him in a bag off the balcony window, and that's nothing but classy. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that someone else has let you know how special and important you are to them, and that your freezer will hold your Thanksgiving turkey. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Am I ever going to be done learning stuff?

John John is pretty excited with gummi bears that came in a package from First Baptist, Allen, Texas, this week.
Sarah Beth and her soccer coach, Miss Schnaidt, at the soccer banquet on Wednesday. Sarah Beth was given the "Southern Belle" Award--for adding encouragement and enthusiasm on the field, while wearing her pearls with her uniform. Ha!
Hannah and her friend, Krissy, at the soccer banquet. Hannah has become a fan of a Korean food called Kimbab, which is sushi without fish in it. I have to admit, it's pretty good stuff!

"Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, "Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour." John 11:27

You know how sometimes you are really, really busy--a big event or a visit from friends or a deadline at work or school--and you find yourself with just a few free hours right in the middle, and they are so precious you just want to roll around in them and glory in them? That's how I feel right now. We are in the middle of Bella Notte weekend, a big choir performance/dinner that the junior class is in charge of putting on, and I find myself with just a few hours free before I have to be back at school. Our situation is even busier, because each junior (there are only ten in the class) takes an event to be in charge of, and Sarah Beth is in charge of this one, which means I'm the parent in charge in the kitchen, and I'm singing in the performance for one song. YIKES!!!!! Add on top of that--Sarah Beth's friend, Kurt, is visiting from Germany, and we are really having a busy, busy, busy weekend. So I'm reveling in sleeping in until 8, drinking two cups of coffee, and listening to the Christmas music Marc is playing while he is cooking me breakfast. (What would I do without him? Honestly.)

I've been thinking a lot this week about change. If you read my blog regularly, you know that our company is reorganizing. (Watch Baptist Press this week--there are some big meetings coming up and announcements will be made.) Anyway, for most people, these changes aren't going to mean a lot to their every day lives, but for us, it could mean a big change in our future. Or not. Who knows? But because it's a possibility, it seems to be always on my mind. So I've been asking God to just show me--clearly--what He wants from our family. What He wants from me. And while a lot seems really foggy and unclear, I have been really convicted of a couple of things, and I thought I'd share them with you this morning.

First, it is really easy to get caught in the trap of comparison. Their life to our life. Their ministry to our ministry. Their children to our children. And you know what? It never works out for your good to compare. For one, you can't know what's going on in someone else's life. It's impossible. Haven't we all known those people we thought were leading perfect lives, only to have them announce their divorce, or a child's pregnancy, or some other crack in the armor? But it's also important to realize that God's intentions for each of us are individual. What He wants from me is according to how He has gifted me, how He has grown me, how He has created me. That's not the same as He's created, grown, and gifted you. And so our lives are not going to be the same, and our families are not going to be the same, and our ministries are not going to be the same. One of the really important things I'm learning is that just like it's wrong to judge someone else, it's also wrong to judge myself and my family by comparing us (always unfavorably) to others. It's also a breeding ground for discontent and bitterness. Yeah...I want no part of that. Marc and I were at school yesterday, working on Bella Notte, and Marc was helping one of Sarah Beth's friends with a video project. The young man said to Marc, "I bet your house is so much fun." I smiled, because what I have considered loud, noisy, and chaotic, other people see as fun. And you know what? My house is pretty fun. And never, ever boring.

The second thing I'm learning is harder. More and more and more, I'm figuring out that what God wants from us is not always easy. Some of the possible changes in our life would make life easier without a doubt. And I don't know that those changes aren't exactly what God wants from us. Maybe they are the direction in which we're headed. And by far the most difficult possibility, in terms of just life in general, is that we will continue to be in Russia. Russia is a hard place in a thousand different ways. So maybe we were here in order to make us grateful for someplace else. Who knows? But whenever I play over in my mind the sentence, 'We are going to leave Russia,' I get a weird feeling in my stomach. Yesterday, I was talking to Marc, and when I tried to say the words, I teared up. The truth is this--no matter how hard life here has been, no matter how much we've struggled, God has given us a passion to see Russians know Him. He has given us a passion for this country, a place we have come to love in spite of ourselves. The hardest choice is to stay. But my God, who loves me so much, is bigger than this place or my comfort or the hardships that life here brings. I'm learning to trust Him with everything--even the hard choices.

Well, my breakfast is done, and so I'm going to quit and eat. I am so grateful for a husband who will not only make me breakfast, but who is also willing to wear my frilly apron while he does it. I wish you could see him....what a hoot. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that God is teaching you big lessons, and that your husband made you bacon and eggs for breakfast. Blessings to you and yours!!

His,
Kellye