Could we borrow those life vests, please?

Hannah's best impression of a model, maybe? I love this, because you can see the lady who works at this shop in the mirror. It was sweet of her to let Hannah and her friend try things on and take pictures.

O Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to you, avoiding worldly chatter and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called "knowledge"--which some have professed and thus gone astray from the faith. I Timothy 6:1-2

It is a gray, yucky morning here in Moscow. We are heading to house church and then a birthday party for a friend then back home to finish packing our room, so it will be a full day here. It has been a rough couple of weeks for us--packing, getting rid of stuff, packing, packing, packing. We did have a really lovely evening with friends Friday night, and we've actually managed to have some family time amidst the packing, but it's mostly been a long, steady stream of going through our lives and realizing how much we've accumulated in our two years in Moscow.

Three weeks from tomorrow we leave Moscow. It's hard for me to believe, and I definitely have mixed feelings about it. There are many things about this city that I love. There are also many things I hate about this city. I will miss my friends here, certainly. On Saturday, we will have some Russian friends over for a farewell party, and that will be hard. It will be especially hard to say goodbye to Sergei, who has become such a part of our lives here. But we know for certain that it is time to head to Prague, at least for the next year. We are tired, and to be honest, we need a break. We have had no vacation in the two years we've been here, except for a couple of days in Prague last October, and we need some down time. Of course, we will still be working in Prague, but it is a smaller city, a little slower, a little more Western than Moscow. It isn't America by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a place where we have good friends, where we know for certain that we can breathe a little more deeply and relax a little. I'm looking forward to that. And there is ministry there for all of us, because there are Russian-speakers everywhere in the world. Any major city anywhere in the world is going to have a group of Russian-speakers, making our time learning Russian time well-spent.

The verses above are important to me. The "Timothys" are some of my favorite books in the New Testament (I'm reading Numbers right now and finding it a surprisingly good read), and Paul admonishes Timothy again and again to "guard what has been entrusted to you." I feel as though my main job here in Moscow has been to guard what has been entrusted to me. Sometimes, it feels like our little family is on a dangerously small life raft, clinging to the sides and praying for help against a choppy, rough ocean. Think The Perfect Storm without the lifevests. In the last two months, that has been especially true. And as we prepare to leave Moscow, it has really felt like we were fighting uphill battles against an enemy we can't see clearly, but whose arrows are poisonous just the same. I'm sure many of you who read this can identify with feeling like you are under attack from every corner. But you know what? Just because it feels that way, doesn't mean that's reality. It's easy for the enemy of our souls to find strongholds in our emotions and use them against us. I'm not saying emotions are bad, because they aren't--they are God-given just like the rest of our characteristics. But the reality is that often, our emotions lead us astray. We don't have to ignore them, but we have to evaluate them against what we know of our God. And when I read the Bible, I find a holy God who claims that we are NEVER alone. And because I know Him to be true to His word, I can trust that even though it seems that we are fighting enemies alone, we really aren't. He's here with us, just like He's always been. And though we might stray, He never does.

One thing I will say about the move is that it has highlighted the differences between Marc and me. He processes everything aloud. I process everything internally. Frustration makes him talk, and it makes me withdraw. It turns out that those personality tests were right--we are pretty much opposites. The great thing is that no matter how different we are, we have grown together so much the last two years that we can laugh at the differences. Not always, but most of the time. We've laughed a good bit in the last week. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you know that you are not alone, no matter the circumstances, and that in a week, you will be heading to Greece for a week, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

The notebook

The outside of the notebook. It spells Aeroflot in Cyrillic. Aeroflot is the national airline of Russia.
The front page. The two quotes are both from Jim Elliot. One says, "Wherever you are, be all there." The other says, "Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

Lord God, I praise You this morning, for I have trusted in Your lovingkindness, and I rejoice in Your salvation. As I sit at my kitchen table and look over the city of Moscow, I sing to You, for you have, indeed, dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:5-6) --first entry in my prayer journal after we moved to Moscow, October 6, 2007

I rarely quote myself. It's kind of arrogant and icky. However, for the purposes of this blog, I couldn't get around it. Yesterday was pretty momentous for me, because I finished the journal that I have been writing in since I became a missionary. It was a gift from my parents. Daddy received it as a retirement gift from Aeroflot, the national airline of Russia. It is a really cool notebook, with lined pages and lots of them. (I cannot write in a straight line without lines. Gotta have 'em.) I saved it to use when I went away to training with my family in August of 2007. And in it, I have recorded prayer requests (many, many of your names are mentioned), praise to God, answered prayers, things I think God is telling me, many confessions of my own failures, and anything else that occurs to me as I'm praying. One of my goals when I came to the field--and it remains a goal--was to improve my prayer life. Not to be more consistent--I've told you before that I'm a girl with a checklist and some discipline, and finding time to spend with God is not a problem. But I've always felt that my prayers were--I don't know--simple. Not really deep or meaningful, and not really indicative of the kind of relationship I want to have with the Lord of my life. So I began writing my prayers. Sometimes I write them and then read them aloud. Sometimes I just write them. So I spent some time yesterday reading the letters I'd written, and it was a pretty illuminating experience. Here are some things I learned, both about myself and about prayer in general.

• My prayers have grown up. At first, there are a lot of "make me happy and help me to live with these people who are in my family" kind of prayers. Then there are the "what are You thinking having that person in missions work?" kind of prayers. As the book progresses, the prayers are less and less about situations and people, and more and more about the love and desire I have for Christ. Fewer and fewer specific situations are mentioned--help me with that person, Lord, because they are driving me NUTS--and the focus of the prayers becomes more and more about Him.
  

• My prayers have become very, very Scripture focused. When I feel weak and pitiful and don't know what to say, God's word ALWAYS has the right words. And I truly believe that there is a great deal of power to be found in speaking God's words back to Him. Some of my favorite prayers in the book are passages that I've rewritten for my situation. There is comfort in writing, "But now God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, the One who formed me, says, 'Kellye, do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you. I am the One who called you by name. Kellye, you belong to me! When you pass through the snow, I am right there with you. As you wade through language study, I am there, too. When things are at their most difficult, when it seems that all around you is fire--you will be safe. You will walk right through the hard times without being scorched, because I am with you. I am the LORD your God, He who saved you. You are precious to me, and I honor and love you. Refuse to be afraid, because I am with you in Moscow, just as I was with you in Richmond, and just as I was with you in Middleburg. No matter where you are, I am with you, and I call you by name. You, Kellye, I have formed and made for My glory, and I am always with you, even to the farthest reaches of the earth.'" (Isaiah 43:1-7, November 3, 2007) Who can feel weak and alone when the God of the Universe calls your name?
  

• The really important part of prayer is listening. I have never spent as much time listening for what God is saying to me as I have in the last two years. I have learned the importance of asking a question and then shutting my trap. I don't ask over and over and over anymore. God knows. He knows when I am anxious. He knows what I need to know and when I need to know it. And so instead of asking the same thing again and again, I listen and then record what I believe He is saying.
  

• He has been beyond faithful to me. There are hundreds and hundreds of prayers in that book, and when I read them, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness and faithfulness. And it's not so much His faithfulness in things or situations or people, though He's certainly faithful in those things. It's His faithfulness to show me more of Himself, to walk closely with me, to be my constant companion. It's His faithfulness to show me what He wants for me. It's His faithfulness in the big and the seemingly tiny aspects of my life. Oh, my friends--He is faithful and true. I will declare it with my last breath. He is faithful and true.

So it's time to start a new notebook. In it, I will record more prayers to my Maker. And I will record the ways in which He responds to those prayers. But I know that no matter what the future holds, when I finish that notebook and look back through it, I will see once again the goodness of the Lord. That is an immeasurable gift, I think. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you have recorded somewhere the ways in which God has been true and faithful in your life, and that you enjoyed a Weight Watchers chocolate smoothie after your workout this morning, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Saying yes to whatever He has

Sarah Beth and the boys at graduation. She loves these guys...and so do we!
Sarah Beth and the girls--Amanda and Tina. Great friends who have made this a great year.
Hannah and her friend, Amielle. These two love each other so much!
Me and my Rebecca at graduation. Beck was the valedictorian...we are all so proud of her and ALL the graduates at HCA.

My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:5-8

I don't know what it's like where you are, but it is a gorgeous morning in Moscow. Sunshine, blue skies...the sound of dump trucks below my kitchen window...it's all filling my soul with happiness. Okay, maybe not the dump trucks, but the rest is definitely good. It's been quite a week. Finals all week, awards and graduation on Friday, a farewell picnic and talent show on Saturday...it makes me tired to even write about it! But it was a great week, and now we are focused on getting ourselves ready for our move to Prague at the end of this month. In there, we also have a week in Greece, so we really only have three weeks to get ourselves ready. This morning, that doesn't feel like a lot of time.

If you pay attention to what is going on in Southern Baptist life at all, you are aware that the IMB has drastically cut appointments for the rest of this year and next year. Unfortunately, that means a lot of uncertainty has just entered our lives. How will this impact us? What will our next step look like, if we aren't appointed? Where do we go from here? It's enough to keep a worrier like me up at night, but I'm sleeping pretty well. You know why? Because God knew. He knew this was going to happen. He knows the next step. He knows what our year in Prague will be like. He knows the ups and downs, the uncertainties and certainties that we are facing. And He has it all under control. That doesn't mean we aren't thinking about it and wondering what the future holds. But it does mean that we aren't worrying about it. He'll make our path clear, and whatever it is, He'll provide for us what we have to have to take the next step. We love our life in Europe, but if the States is where He wants us next, then we'll happily go there. We aren't shaken, because He is unshakeable. So we pack, and we sell, and we pray that He will find us faithful no matter where He sends us next.

Well, speaking of packing--I must get moving in that direction. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are standing firm in the One who holds the world in His mighty right hand, and that you are looking forward to dinner with the girls tomorrow night, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,

Kellye

Sunday morning is not the main event

Marc and Alan in Omsk, Siberia, Russia. I have no idea what they are standing in front of, but I thought it was a good pic of both of them.
The daring duo somewhere in Siberia. They had a great time together--it was a real blessing to have Alan here for a while.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. Psalm 42:1

A hunger for the inner life seems unproductive in a mega-church world. It does not seem to bring souls to the altar or provide a framework on which we may hang the ambitious programs of the church or denomination. Some may actually be suspicious of a oneness with Christ so absorbing that people might fail to keep the congregational machinery whirring. Machines do not make a kingdom. A king does. At the center of true Christianity lies communion with the King. This communion, whatever we call it, is simply prayer. But it is fervent, ardent prayer. It is passion of desire. It is the thirst of a deer panting after water. A Hunger for the Holy, Calvin Miller.

Many of you know that our pastor, Alan Floyd, was here for the last ten days or so. He and Marc went on a trip to Siberia, touring a city a day and working on Engage Russia. We really enjoyed our time with Alan, and I think he had a good time, too. It was certainly wonderful to have a little piece of home here, even if it was just a few days! We told stories and laughed, and he and Marc had a great time on the train, traveling around to see what God is up to in Siberia.

Of course, whenever someone comes to visit from the States, I always wonder--can they tell how much I've changed? Do I seem like the same old Kellye to them? Because I know that inside, I am a completely different person, but I don't know how much that shows outwardly. I am definitely a work in progress, but I almost don't recognize myself from the person who left the States a couple of years ago. And one way I have definitely changed is in how I view church.

I hate to say this, but I was one of those people who went to church to get something. I tried never to participate in the pastor-bashing that sometimes happens after a particularly hard-hitting (or not?) sermon--not difficult to avoid, because Alan is a great, great preacher. But the discussion often centered around what I "got" out of church that day. And I know A LOT of people like that, people for whom Sunday morning is about getting their weekly fix of God stuff, and then they can go out to lunch and feel okay about themselves for another week. Now, admittedly, as time went on and I matured as a believer, I was less concerned with that and more concerned with giving, but I still saw Sunday as the "main event." That has definitely changed here. Definitely.

The "main event" spiritually happens every morning at the kitchen table, where I spend time in reading God's word (reading Leviticus right now, and I know way more about how to sacrifice a bull than I ever thought I would), time in studying God's word, and time in prayer. It is here that I commune with God. It is here that I spend time listening, something I rarely did in the States. If church is meaningful on Sunday, that's great, but my spiritual tank is full before I get there. If church isn't particularly meaningful, it's not the end of the universe, because I have already talked to the One I worship. And what I'm finding is that my attitudes about life, about service, about motherhood, about being a wife...these all flow out of that daily time I spend with the Lord. Of course, I hope these line up with my church and my denomination--I do, after all, work for a denominational agency--but the guidance for life is not found in church, in a person, in a denomination. The guidance for life is found only in the One who created life, and He can be found by opening the Book and spending time with Him.

Well, I'd better run and make breakfast--Marc and John are on their way home from a Scout campout, and they sound mighty hungry. Please pray for my kids this week--it is finals week, with all the pressure that entails. We are so grateful that Daddy is home for this important week--he just makes things so much better. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you love your church, but love the One who created it more, and that you are ready for finals week, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,

Kellye

Legacy

Han and John...I love this picture. For once, they are not yelling at each other. Our kids are growing up quickly--too quickly for Momma.

Sarah Beth and Drew, her good friend and fellow emcee at Senior Banquet. This picture kind of typifies their relationship. They're so goofy together.
Sarah Beth and her friends Rachel and Marcus at Senior Banquet. It was a really great night.

Sarah Beth and her "Becker"--Rebecca--at Senior Banquet. Are they gorgeous, or what?!

I will sing of the lovingkindness of the LORD forever; to all generations I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth. Psalm 89:1

It is a gray, yucky morning here in Moscow, rainy and cold and just gross. No big deal to me--I have no plans for today except to pack and clean my refrigerator--but poor Marc has a cub scout campout with John today. Yuck! Pray that the weather lightens up a bit before they head out to the American Embassy's dacha.

I have to admit to you that I'm feeling a little melancholy this morning. Today is my cousin Morgan's wedding, and I am not there. When Morgan was born, I announced to my kindergarten class that I had a baby brother. I'm sure the teacher was amazed, since she saw my mother every day and there were not signs of a brother on the way. Smile. I have loved Morgan with a passion his whole life, and not to be there on his big day...well, it's hard. It's not the end of the world, and his day will be wonderful, but I wish I could be there. It's just how it goes when you live overseas. There are definitely things you miss. So I am up this morning early (when am I NOT up early?), and I'm thinking over the thousands of memories Morgan and I have together. And I'm smiling, because tied up with those memories is the memory of my grandmother, or as we all called her, Mimsey, and my grandfather, Papa. Mimsey and Papa have been gone for fifteen years, but I still miss them, still think about them often, still praise God for the legacy of their lives. My love of teaching comes from Papa. His love for every student was legendary, and when he passed away, his funeral was populated by those students on whose lives he'd left such an indelible mark. One of my favorite stories about Papa is that I called him when I got my very first teaching job. By then, he was into his nineties. He said, "Now are you teaching math?" (He'd taught high school math, been a principal and superintendent, and then gone back into the math classroom.) "No," I replied. "I'm teaching English." "Well, somebody has to do that, I guess." HA!!!! He made me laugh so much, and he had thousands of stories about being a teacher.

But it is my Mimsey who is holding my thoughts this morning. She loved being a mother and a grandmother and a great grandmother. She was gentle and kind. Whenever I do something particularly nice or giving, Marc will say something about making Mimsey proud or making Mimsey smile. She was just a truly remarkable woman. Maybe she wasn't remarkable in any way that the world counts, but she stored up for herself those treasures that mattered, things that moth and rust cannot destroy and thieves cannot steal. She raised a family of kind people, people who have spent their whole lives giving to others. She was devoted to her church. She passed on to us a legacy of a quiet faith, a faith that does not boast, does not shout out its accomplishments to the world, but a faith that has hands and feet, a faith that ministers to those around it. If Mimsey were here, she would be pleased with my life. I imagine she would be pretty stunned by the thought of a grandchild living in Russia--my goodness! she would say--but she would think that the life I'm living, while maybe not important in the eyes of the world, is a life focused on the things that mattered. And she would be particularly pleased that none of my children are named after her--she made me promise when I was pregnant with Sarah Beth that I would never give her name (Agnes) to a child. They just didn't deserve that kind of punishment, she said. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

And so, even though I am missing the wedding today, I am still smiling and being thankful for the legacy of faith that has been passed down to me. I am grateful that I have that legacy from both sides of my family, that I spent every summer in Tennessee, witnessing firsthand that faith in God and devotion to family were the most important things in life, that my own parents instilled in me the things that really mattered, that I've been allowed the opportunity to pass these things on to my own children. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are thankful for the people who have shown you God's hands and feet throughout your life, and that you are enjoying a second cup of coffee on a cold, rainy morning. Blessings to you and yours!

His,

Kellye

Cutting through the fog

The heart of Engage Russia--Tim Wicker and Marc. This was Tim's last day in Moscow before joining his family in the States. I cannot describe to you how much we miss them, or how thankful we are for the time we had together. Love this family!
John and Han with their Easter chickens. Mimi sent them, and the kids enjoyed them--especially John, whose chicken appears to be laying an egg.

"'And the work of righteousness shall be peace, and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance forever.' 'In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.' I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. If he can keep us hearing radios, gossip, conversation, or even sermons, he is happy. But he will not allow quietness. For he believes Isaiah where we do not. Satan is quite aware of the power of silence. The voice of God, though persistent, is soft..." from Jim Elliot's journal in Shadow of the Almighty, by Elisabeth Elliot

It is a beautiful, sunny morning here in Moscow, and I am thoroughly enjoying my second cup of coffee. (I have cut back to only one cup except on Saturdays.) The house is full, but quiet. We have two extra girls for Hannah's sleepover/birthday party, and two of our nieces came over last night and we decided collectively that it was too late for them to go home alone, so they spent the night, too. And Marc is home, so we really are full to the brim this morning. Everyone else is still asleep, but I have been up for a couple of hours now, enjoying some peace and quiet and coffee and sunshine. We are headed into that part of the year in this part of the globe where daylight is optimal--by mid-June, we will be in the white nights, when the sun doesn't ever really set. It's strange, for sure, but after a winter of only a little bit of daylight each day (and even that usually pretty gray), the sunshine is a huge blessing.

To be perfectly honest, it's been a pretty tough week for me. The kids and I returned to Moscow on Sunday. As soon as we stepped foot in the airport, the locusts began gnawing away at me. My worst fear was that no one would show up to pick us up, and that I would have to negotiate my way home on my own. So guess what happened? That's right--through a mixup at the office, no one showed up to pick us up, and I had to negotiate a way home for us. In all honesty, I wouldn't know how to do that in New York City, either, but to face having to negotiate in Russian while my three exhausted children waited with the luggage...well, it seemed monumental to me at the moment. Fortunately, I spent the flight kind of practicing what I would need to say to get a taxi (and practicing my numbers...I can't tell you how much trouble I have understanding numbers in Russian), so I was pretty prepared. We waited an hour for someone to come, and then I marched over to the taxi "area," and I ran through what I had practiced. And you know what? I negotiated a pretty good price and got us home. Thank heavens the driver didn't want to chitchat, because I had pretty much used up my whole brain by the time we made it to the car. So that was how my week started.

Of course, it's always difficult when Marc's away. I do have to say that I think that part of my life will be easier in Prague, simply because Prague isn't as big as Moscow, and things are closer. Part of what's hard here is just getting the kids back and forth to school--it takes anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour, and by the time I get home and have carried 10-20 pounds of groceries...well, I'm pretty exhausted. Thankfully, my wonderful Frances helped this week by taking me to the store in her car on Monday, so I had some basics here at the house and didn't have to carry as much. My AP students took their exam on Thursday morning, and even that kind of wore me out--just getting up early to get to school and feed them breakfast before they took the exam seemed huge to me. But it went well, and I'm sure they all did fine. They are wonderful, smart kids, huge blessings to me every single day I get to spend with them.

But the really hard thing about this week was the fog. Not the fog outside, but the fog inside my head. Have you ever experienced that? I don't know how to put it, exactly, except to say that no matter what I was doing this week, I felt like I was trying to cut through the fog in order to do it. I've tried to pinpoint the source, and I think it has to do with the trip to Prague. I had a great time, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time with our friends, and I am glad that Marc had the opportunity to get so much work done with the media team. I think it was a really important time for him to sit with his new team all in the same room. But it also hit me for the first time that I am going to leave Russia. Really leave Russia. Not just for a trip somewhere else. I am going to pack up my family and leave Russia. I can even tell you when it hit me. Larry and Melissa and Marc and I went up to Prague Castle on our way to dinner one night, and there is this beautiful over-hang, where you can look out and see all of Prague twinkling below you. I can't describe to you how absolutely gorgeous Prague is. Beautiful old homes, cobblestone streets--Prague looks like 18th century Europe, because very little about it has changed over the years. Larry and Marc were doing something away from us (you never know what the two of them are doing), and I looked at Melissa, this person I love and adore so much, to whom I have bared my soul, to whom I am committed like I'm committed to my family...and I had an epiphany. I love Prague. Prague is where God has called us for a season. But I am not called to Czechs. I am called to Russians. My ear had spent the entire trip listening to hear anyone who might be speaking Russian. I had looked on every tram and metro train to see if anyone might be Russian. I had brought every conversation back to Russia. My heart is in Russia.

So why are we moving to Prague? Because it is what God has for us right now. But I am starting to understand the feelings of other missionaries who have left Moscow to move back to the States, who have struggled with the feeling of longing for a place that isn't home, but is. And I don't think it's just about Frances and Kris and other friends here, though I am certainly not looking forward to saying goodbye to them. I think it's about something that God has done/is doing in my heart, often without me even being aware. He has burdened my heart in a way that I cannot exactly describe to you, in a way that will not make sense unless you have experienced it. When I was in Florida, I described it as being homesick for a place you've never seen. Well, now I've seen it, and though I have not always loved it, there is still a deep longing in my soul for Russia.

I feel like I've rambled here, like I haven't done a good job of expressing what is in my soul. I will tell you this--there is contentment and joy to be found in obedience to what God has for us, even when it might not make sense or even be what we want. I didn't really want to leave Florida. But I knew without a doubt that God had called me to a different place and a different life. And though life here has often been difficult, it has also been full of unimaginable joy and laughter and blessings. Even when His thoughts don't make sense to me, when His plan isn't my plan, I can unequivocally say--He is good all the time. He is trustworthy and faithful. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that even when your circumstances don't match your desires, you will continue to be obedient to the One who loves you more than His own life, and that your husband brought you bagels from Prague last night, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Stinkin' locusts

John John (or Jupie, as he's now known) and Laini. I am grateful that he has someone like Laini, who loves every single thing about him. We should all be so blessed as to have that kind of friendship when we're 8.
Sarah Beth getting in some Lucas time at Jack's birthday party yesterday. Lucas is very patient, and doesn't seem to mind snuggling in with whichever Hooks wants to hold him at the moment.

Lucas and Uncle Marc at Jack's birthday party. Yep--as soon as Lucas snuggled in, Uncle Marc fell asleep. Take into consideration that there were several of the 3-and-under set there. It wasn't quiet. They must have been pretty tired to sleep through that.

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." Joel 2:25a

The kids and I leave this morning to return to Moscow, new temporary visas in hand, and without Marc, whose documents appear to be in Paris. This is not, of course, what we had planned. I would rather do almost anything than go back without him. But it is par for the course of how things often go in the Motherland--almost never like we planned. And so, I am facing more time without him. We do not know when he'll be able to get a flight into Moscow, but it may be as long as the end of the week. Then he leaves next week for Siberia with a friend. So I could sit this morning and boo hoo about how hard my life is, or I could choose to be grateful for the many ways in which God has repaid me for the years the locusts have eaten.

I don't know what kind of locusts have chewed up the fields of your life in the past, but my personal locusts tended to be the lies I believed about myself for many years, lies I still struggle with today. There is the lie about not being very likable. There is the lie about not deserving to be successful. There is the lie that if people knew me better, they would want nothing to do with me. And I'm here to tell you--those locusts cost me many years of harvest. I was trying my hardest to do the things I knew I should, but I just couldn't seem to get anywhere. And so I adopted a persona of not caring and not needing people in my life...all while the locusts chewed away at the years.

And so, as I sit here this morning, when the chirp of locusts can dimly be heard in the distance (these are the "I'm not capable of handling things" locusts--the ones who have sometimes wreaked havoc with me since coming to Russia), I choose to focus on the ways God has abundantly and fully repaid me for those years the locusts ate.

• tremendous relationships with others on the field, both here in Prague and in Moscow
• a chance to see places I never dreamed I would see
• friends for my kids
• unbelievably important "aunts" and "uncles" on the field, people who have poured themselves into my children
• "nieces" and "nephews" who are such a joy to me, and often the very best part of being a missionary
• hard times...I knew God well in Florida, but I assure you that I know Him much better now that I have had to depend on Him for EVERYTHING...especially true in difficulty
• students I love and adore

As I sat at Johann and Stacy's yesterday for Jack's birthday party (2!! He was 3 months old when we met them at FPO!), it occurred to me that I have much to be thankful for during this season of my life. People I love who love me intensely, friends who are like family, family who are friends...the list goes on and on and on. So while I would rather not head back to Moscow without Marc, I am aware that in Moscow are people who love us and will help if something goes wrong. There are people there who miss us and who we miss. There is joy to be found there, just like there is joy to be found here in Prague. I have learned a great deal over the last two years about the importance of choices, and today I choose to look forward to being home in Moscow for the next two months.

Well, the bags are packed and all that remains is to get everyone going, showered and fed. (Yes, that was a little "Leaving on a jet plane" reference.) Wherever you are in the world, I challenge you to choose joy today, regardless of your circumstances, and I hope that you have been brushing up your Russian for the day at the airport, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,

Kellye