Conviction, confession--and a guinea pig allergy

So Israel set out with all that he had, and came to Beersheba, and offered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac. God spoke to Israel in visions of the night and said, "Jacob, Jacob." And he said, "Here I am." He said, "I am God, the God of your father; do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you a great nation there. I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also surely bring you up again; and Joseph will close your eyes." Genesis 46:1-4

This was not a very good weekend in many, many ways. First of all, Marc and I are once again struggling with head colds/sinus infections (and maybe an allergy to the guinea pig we're babysitting?), which is just annoying (the colds, not the pig--it pretty much just stares at us and eats). It was a gorgeous weekend, with temperatures in the 60s, and we couldn't even get out in it because we were so miserable. So that was stinky. Staying in the apartment makes the whole family grouchy (we can't just send our kids outside to play like we would at home), so that was stinky. And I have a list of grievances about life on the field, things that seem unfair to me. I mean, we've given up our whole lives to be here, right? So why are my two closest friends thousands of miles away? (One in Prague and one in Brazil) I spent time on the phone with my friend in Brazil yesterday, and we both complained about the frustrations of the field (which is healthy--you need somebody to vent with, or the frustration is explosive) and the things that just drive us crazy. Then Marc and I had a long conversation in the kitchen about next term--six months in, and we're thinking of the ways to get out of Russia but not have to learn another language. There are Russian speakers in lots of places, right?

At 7, we tuned in to our Sunday night church, which we watch live on the Internet. Since our church in Florida doesn't do that, we watch Southern Hills Baptist Church in OKC. We love their pastor, the music, everything...it renews our soul each week to listen to a sermon in English. (Our church time in our church here is generally taken up with trying to figure out which book of the Bible the sermon is from.) This week, he continued a series on the life of Joseph, but this week's focus was Jacob, and the text was the verses above. The sermon was entitled (and I'm not even kidding), "When you're facing a life-changing move." I'm serious. When he started, Marc and I looked across the room at one another and started laughing. It went downhill from there. It was literally like the pastor had been listening to us all weekend. By the end of the sermon, we were laughing/crying, and praying for forgiveness. I had to spend some substantial time this morning with the Father, making a list of the ways in which my attitude has been, well...stinky.

So why do I tell you this? After all, it would be much better for my ego and pride if you thought I never struggled with anything here. But when I started this blog, my whole purpose was to share our path to missions and our life as missionaries. I want you to be encouraged. I want you to think I'm a good person and a good missionary. I want you to feel good about your Cooperative Program dollars supporting us here (if you're Southern Baptist, of course). But I also want to be honest and transparent. Life here in Russia (like any mission field) is hard. They do not easily accept outsiders. The people can be very hard to love. The weather stinks much of the time. I have friends on the field, a couple I would even call close, but my very best friend, the one I share everything with, is in Brazil, and I miss her terribly. I would love to think that someday our families will serve close to one another, but that is likely never to happen. They are called to South America. We are called to Eastern Europe. It's hard. Life here can be very lonely.

I guess the good news in all of this is that with all of that said, God still has a plan and a purpose. I'm sure years from now I will look back on this first year on the field and laugh at some of the things I got upset over, things that don't really matter much at all in the end. I'm sure I will be grateful that God gave me someone to be close to, even if she is in Brazil. But I know this for sure--when I look back on this first year on the field, I will definitely be able to give testimony to the ways, big and small, God was at work in my life amidst the trials and loneliness. Until then, I'm going to trust that He knows what He's doing, He has a plan, and that I'm a part of that plan. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you know that you are a part of His plan, too, and that the guinea pig you're babysitting isn't making you sneeze. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye