Caught in the middle

There was a rather long discussion as to which Beatle this is. I think the consensus was John Lennon. It's now hanging in Sarah Beth's room--a gift from Dasha to S.B.
Kasinya and Dasha with "King" Marc--he won the title by having the most points at the end of the party.
Marc's good friend, Sasha. Sasha is a lawyer here in Moscow, and he and Marc have become quite close.

Fearless warriors in a picket fence
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end
And we are caught in the middle.
With eyes wide open to the differences,
The God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His
Or are we caught in the middle?
"Somewhere in the Middle"--Casting Crowns

I made a huge mistake yesterday morning. My mom had written an email containing some interesting news about a case I had been following back home, and so I went to the news archives of the local newspaper. I did read the article about the case, but then I went to the archives to read articles about various things going on at home. BIG MISTAKE!! You know what I found? Tons of people moving around in jobs within the school system that could have been me. I saw other people taking jobs that I would really have enjoyed. People moving positions from one school to another, opening new schools, pursuing dreams that were mine. After an hour, I turned off the computer and settled into some time with God, but not without renewing the lingering questions that have plagued me since we started this process. Why did I go to the trouble and expense of getting a master's degree in educational leadership if I was going to be a housewife in Moscow, Russia? Where is the common sense? What in the world am I doing here?

And then I went to church, where we sang not one, not two, but three hymns I know. (Even singing them in Russian is so exciting and fun for me.) And we were invited to a picnic next week by a friend at church. And then Marc and I went to a birthday party at the dorm of some of our students, where we spent three hours just making closer connections. On the way home, over a romantic date-night dinner of McDonald's "gamburgers" (don't ask me why, but it's also Gitler and Garry Potter in Russian), Marc reminded me that just when we feel like we can't be here, God gives us something tangible to hang on to, to do, to make us feel like there is no where else we could possibly be. When we were handed juice for the toast at the birthday party instead of champagne, when we were shown where the head of the Russian Orthodox church lives, when church traditions were discussed in casual conversation, I knew that we had already started to make connections that will allow us to present the gospel to these people we love so much. Even more, it made me realize that we had done a pretty good job already of making our beliefs known. They knew that our church was meeting on Saturday instead of Sunday, because every week we mention our church and how important it is to us. We have mentioned that we don't drink alcohol in casual conversations, and the champagne was no big deal--something we had dreaded dealing with (how do you remain true to your own convictions and beliefs without hurting people you love in a culture that is, quite literally, soaked in alcohol?). So there were tangible things we could hold onto yesterday to know that our lives here do matter. I may not be the head of a school. I may have opinions about education that no one really cares about here. But I do have something to offer, and God is taking my measly offering and turning it into something beautiful and good that glorifies Him.

A long, long time ago, Marc and I were in the New Members class at our church, and a guy in the class said something I'll never forget. He was a new believer, not just new to the church, and he had been sharing his beliefs. One of his friends asked him if he was going to become a fanatic, a Jesus freak. His reply has stuck with me all these years. He said, "Oh, Lord...I hope so." Make no mistake--it's hard to trade our dreams for His. Sometimes His dreams for us seem completely out of the realm marked by common sense and the American dream. But looking into the faces every Thursday of those He has entrusted to us, I am honored by the way He is at work here. And I'm all too aware that He is at work only because we said, "Yes" to whatever He had for us. It was our choice. On the darkest days here, I am brought back to reality by acknowledging that this was all about our choice to follow. Does that make us fanatics? I'm praying that it does.

We are enjoying a rare Sunday with nothing to do. Our church met yesterday due to the holidays (we meet in a dentist's office, and he had to work today), and we have no other commitments. What a blessings. We slept in, had a big breakfast, and we're about to go outside and enjoy the weather. It's a good idea to do so today--we're expecting snow on Tuesday and Wednesday. Snow!!! Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are not in the shallow end of faith, and that there is no snow in your forecast. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye