Learning lessons from John-John

O Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to you, avoiding worldly chatter and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called "knowledge"--which some have professed and thus gone astray from the faith. I Timothy 6:20-21

I have a large notebook I use during my quiet time. It is divided into sections: Praise and Thanksgiving, Confession, Intercession, God's Promises, and God's Commands. As I read God's Word every morning, I record various scriptures in the appropriate sections, and I use these as I pray. It's a combination of a technique I learned from a Beth Moore study and a technique I learned from Elbert Smith while we were at FPO. Because I am a person who puts a lot of emphasis on being faithful and disciplined in my quiet time, I can get so caught up in the routine that I find myself in a dry and weary land where there is no water. By praying the scriptures and making that the main focus of my time with God, I find that each morning is new and fresh, and I feel as though I've been with God and not just performed a routine.

I recorded the above scripture this morning. I am studying I Timothy right now, and I have read this command to Timothy about a dozen times so far in this study. But this morning, it was a personal charge to me as I prayed through some things with which I am struggling. It is hard to be here. We have talked to our closest friends on the field this week, and I can assure you that it's hard to be anywhere on the mission field. Nowhere is easy. The folks who went to London, where they aren't learning a new language? They're working with people groups that don't necessarily speak one language, but forty. Nowhere is there a mission field that's a breeze. I don't believe Russia is harder than anywhere else. But it's hard. I am so lonely here. And it isn't that people aren't nice, because they are. But we haven't made really close friends. I have completely lost my identity here. I have said a thousand times that I used to be a person who people respected, whose opinion mattered. Now I'm just another missionary wife. I have especially struggled with teaching next year. Some of you know that I have accepted a position teaching two classes a day at Hinkson Christian Academy in order to help pay for the kids to go there full-time. Because we are here under the International Service Corps program, our children's education is not fully paid for. We receive a stipend for each child. With the stipend and with me teaching two classes a day, we will still owe almost $5,000, which we are stepping out on faith that God will provide, because we certainly can't afford it on what we're making. I have struggled and struggled and struggled with this. I didn't come here to teach. If I was going to do that, I would have stayed in Florida where I made great money doing it. But the kids are terribly lonely. They desperately want to go to school at Hinkson and make friends. It isn't like homeschooling in America, where your kids are in a thousand activities and have a great church to go to. Without Hinkson, my kids would see no one except us during the course of a week. And while we love and adore our church, my kids don't speak enough Russian to really interact with the other kids much. Homeschooling is not something I feel called to, but something I did out of necessity, and while I wouldn't say it's been a disaster, it has made the transition to Moscow that much more difficult. So I agreed to teach these classes as a way to help my kids find a life here. But I have struggled.

So why tell you this? Is it just to complain to you about how hard my life is? Nah...give me a call and I'll just tell you that. :o) Here is what I've come to understand--God is calling me to faithfulness in this situation just like He called me to faithfulness to His call to be here. He is not calling me to necessarily understand why. He is not calling me to place my faith in what I can understand analytically. He is calling me to trust Him, not only with my precious children, but also with the abilities with which He has gifted me. When I met with the director at Hinkson the first time, he said, "We have prayed and prayed and prayed for someone who could start an AP Lit class, but there aren't many AP teachers running around Moscow. But look. Here you are!" I taught AP English for 17 years. It is fun and enjoyable to me, and the kids are always challenging and fun. I have thoroughly enjoyed the kids I've been teaching the last few months here. In many ways, they have helped me regain my identity as someone who has something to offer (besides being able to cook and clean). And if you could listen to my children talk excitedly about next year, about mission trips and retreats and field trips and friends...you'd know that God has provided a way for me to use my abilities to help provide those things for them. Hinkson is a God-send for them, a way for them to have some of the things they are missing the most from the States.

What does this have to do with John-John? Yesterday we were walking home from school, and he was saying that he really missed one of the boys who has had to leave Russia because of visa issues. He asked when he would be back, and I said, "I don't know, John-John. They're deciding what to do next." His reply? "No, Mom. They're not deciding. God is, right? God already knows what they need to do next. They're just listening. Right?" I was stopped in my tracks, literally, by my 7-year-old. "Of course, John-John. You're right. God knows. They're just listening." I thought about that this morning as I read Paul's charge to Timothy. I don't have to know. I don't have to decide. I don't have to rely on my own knowledge in order to do anything. I just have to listen and guard that which has been entrusted to me.

It's time for me to run and make breakfast before my language lesson. We had a great English Club last night, and we even received a gift from one of the girls' grandmothers for Easter, a delicious berry jam which is made from berries from that particular region of Russia. We also received an invitation to a birthday party on Saturday night, which we are very excited about attending. God is at work in ways I can't even comprehend. He is so good. Wherever you are in the world, I pray that you are guarding that which He has entrusted to you, and that your children are teaching you lessons, too. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Here's just a bonus funny: yesterday, Sarah Beth was doing her math, solving for x, and she said with a completely serious face, "Momma, what do Russians solve for? They don't have an x. Do they solve for ж (zh)?" I thought we would pass out from laughing. What a hoot my kid is!