The Long Goodbye

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31

Many of you have heard us call the last few months of our lives the long goodbye. It officially began when we had to say goodbye to our schools. Today, it continues as we say goodbye to our home.

It is odd to think that this is likely the last house I will own for many years. We have loved this house. Our children have grown up here. John was a toddler when we moved in. Our cats were kittens we took in when we bought the house. (We have placed one of them--Hallelujah!--with a family from church. Please continue to pray for us to place the other.) Sarah Beth has grown into a young woman of substance in this house. Hannah was little more than a toddler when we moved in here. Unbelievable to think we are leaving.

We have many wonderful memories here. Barry Bishop painted every room. I can still picture him on a stepladder painting Sarah Beth's room a terrible lime green color. Emily Grace, Sarah Beth, and Hannah put on a "date night" for the four of us, where there was dancing and music. Such sweet times. Pastor Alan did the recorded introductions for his radio show in the studio in Marc's office once a month. I can hear the two of them laughing as I sit here. Countless sleepovers, Sarah Beth and Elena making cookies at Halloween, absolutely covered in flour from head to toe, Kelly and Hannah running around the house and playing in the pool, a party for me when I finished grad school with sweet, precious friends...the memories are too many to count. How will we say goodbye?

The answer is actually fairly simple. We will say goodbye just as we have completed every other step of this process: we will cry some tears, we will comfort our children, and we will keep our eyes firmly on the One who has called. He did not promise us that this would be easy. He promised us that He would walk this road with us, and that He would make our paths straight. Straight, unfortunately, does not equal easy. He has directed every step of this process. He has so clearly put the pieces into place. There is no denying that this is His plan. Clearly, it would be easier to stay. But God's plan is always perfect, always the best for us. Our life here has been so good in so many ways, and we will always treasure this as the place where we finally answered God's call on our lives, but to stay here would clearly be sinful. If we are totally sold out to His way, then we have no choice but to take the next step. In the face of all He has done for us, how does any other choice make sense?

So many of you have asked about my parents and how they are taking all of this. My parents are fabulous. They have worked like dogs in our behalf, and we have laughed (okay, and cried) along the way together. I'm sure they have privately cried quite a few tears--I am the youngest of three girls in an extremely close family. My children are the second generation of grandchildren (my nieces and nephews are all in college or older), and they have loved being in on the many twists and turns of Sarah Beth, Hannah, and John. But make no mistake--I am exactly who my parents raised me to be. They taught all three of us to be real, hands and feet at work Christians. We saw what service meant first hand from them, and we knew up close and personal that Christian service was not always easy or glamorous. For my parents, and for Marc's, our call to the mission field is the harvest of lives lived for Him. It isn't easy...never think it is easy to leave my parents...but they are doing okay.

If you have been reading my blog, you know how concerned I am for my children's sense of safety, security and well-being. So many of you have prayed for the three of them, and I want to thank you. This week, they have had wonderful VBS teachers who loved them. Thank you. We have an unbelievable children's pastor, Ralph Estevez, who has kept an eye on the little ones as they have made their way through the long goodbye. Thank you. Hannah has had a best friend since she was a toddler--Kelly--and Kelly's whole family has been tremendous, but I especially appreciate pictures and notes her mom, Vanessa, has given Hannah. Thank you. And my precious, precious friend Janet, who is headed to Baltimore this week, took the kiddos for a very special day on Thursday, a day John is still talking about (especially the jumping fish). Thank you. A friend of mine going through a difficult time once wrote a note in which she said that what we did for her children, we did for her. I understand that better now. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And so the long goobye continues. I am praying today for His strength, not mine. I'm praying to soar on wings ike eagles, to run and not grow weary, to walk and not grow faint. Blessings!

His,
Kellye

Are you okay?

I must look pretty awful, because I've probably gotten this question fifty times in the last couple of days. I am okay. I promise. It was difficult to sell everything, and far more emotional than I had expected. By far the hardest was watching my piano go. I've pretty much given up saying the word 'piano,' because when I do, I cry. So many memories, so many special times were spent sitting around that piano. But the memories are not gone...just the piano.

I am struggling with what I can only guess is exhaustion. I am trying to get us into the mission house, teach VBS, and do all the paperwork necessary to get us into Russia. I'm not sleeping a whole lot at night. I'm pretty sure that's why people keep asking if I'm okay. Dark circles are my body's reaction to exhaustion. But you know what? This will change. Next week, we will get to relax a bit, spend some time together, and recoup some of the sleep missed this week. This, too, shall pass.

The sale on Friday and Saturday could not have gone much better. I actually had fun. Certainly, there were some sad moments, but there was also a lot of fun. I can't say enough about my mom and dad and Barb, Troy, and Jared Johnson. They were tremendous helps to me, and big supports while I got rid of everything. My Mom said it well: "It's not easy to sell your whole life." Nope, it's not.

Marc successfully got the storage stuff to Baltimore to his parents' house. They are storing those things we cannot get rid of: memorabilia, photo albums/scrapbooks, our grandfather clock Barry Bishop made us as a housewarming gift...there are some things too pricelss to get rid of, and those things will be residing in Maryland. Loading these things into the truck was difficult, too. Who knew I could cry this much? On Sunday, we celebrated communion. It flashed across my mind that this was the last time I would have communion (at least for a long time) in my church with my pastor. For a second, I was able to push it aside. Then it came back again. I could not stop the tears. There is no way to adequately express how much we love and appreciate and respect Alan Floyd. Nor are there words for how much we are going to miss him, both as our friend and as our pastor. He is such an important part of our call, such an important part of our lives...how can we conceive of a world where we don't hear him preach every week?

Lest this sound like I'm a blubbering idiot and the IMB should rethink their choices, let me emphasize this: God has granted us the desires of our heart. There is nothing in the world that could make me not want to go to Russia. Nothing. But if it were easy, I'm not sure it would mean as much. We have counted the costs, and the costs are high. But my precious friend, the cost of not following the God of everything whenever and wherever He calls...far too high to pay. There are tears to be shed--we love our life here...our friends, our church, our family. But He has called, and we are overjoyed at the thought that He has something He wants us to do. US!! Marc and Kellye!!! I can't get over it.

Hopefully, I'll get some sleep soon and look less like a zombie. And if you happen to see me, pat me on the back, give me a hug, tell me you love me, but for heaven's sake--don't say 'piano'!!

Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye

Beautiful feet

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? and how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? and how can they hear without someone preaching to them? and how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10: 14-15

This passage is used often, for obvious reasons, when preachers preach missions-oriented sermons. It always makes me giggle, only because of the beautiful feet reference. When Marc and I had been married about 6 months, I got the bright idea that we should face each other and tell each other everything that bothered us about the other. Marc insisted that he had no such list...he loved everything about me. I, of course, had a long and fairly detailed list. About a half hour into hearing everything that annoyed me about him, he grabbed my foot (I was sitting with crossed legs) and held it to my face and yelled, "These are hideous. Honestly, they're the ugliest things I have ever seen." In retrospect, his little outburst was completely justified--I was being awful--but at the time, I didn't see it that way. I cried for at least an hour because he thought my feet were ugly. So imagine my relief when I discovered that Jesus thinks I have beautiful feet. (Only Jesus, by the way--they really are hideous.)

Many of you know that we are getting rid of everything this weekend in preparation for our move on the 30th. We finished the shed yesterday (hallelujah!), and are pricing, etc., today. My friend, Barb, who has been an absolute Godsend, is helping. She stopped by yesterday to drop something off, and she said something fairly profound in the course of our conversation. When I thanked her for all her help, she said that while we were called to go, those around us were called to send us, and she was helping send us. (That's not a direct quote, but that was the gist of it.) She's absolutely right. I am terrible at asking for help. Really awful. If Barb had not called me, I never would have asked. It isn't even a pride issue--I just don't think about it. Thank you so much to those people in my life who come in, plop down, and ask for something to do. You are sending us. You are doing what God has called you to do. Thank you so much. I bet Jesus thinks you have beautiful feet, too. :o)

Selfishly, I am going to ask for your prayers about two things that are the only real issues we are having right now (beyond complete and total exhaustion, which is definitely taking its toll). The first is my three children, Sarah Beth, Hannah, and John-John. If Marc and I are starting to really feel the immense pressure that's on us, multiply it by 100 and that's what the kids feel. They are leaving everything they have ever known. Their house is here. Their friends are here. Their schools are here. Their grandparents and aunt and uncle are here. Suffice to say that many, many tears have been shed in our house over the last two weeks. Pray that Marc and I would be strong and stand firm under the pressure, and that we would exhibit to our children the contentedness we truly feel with what God is doing in our lives. Pray that their friends would behave wisely. (It's easier to say goodbye to someone you're mad at...you get the idea.) Pray that they would behave wisely with their friends (ditto the last parentheses). Above all, pray that they would stand up under the pressure and recognize the many, many ways God is at work, and then realize the confirmation that is of what we are doing.

If you do not have pets, the second request will seem silly. Our two cats, Scout and Beacon, do not have homes, yet. I know that God has this just like He has everything else, but I would be lying if I said this was not a source of real anxiousness. We adore our cats. We even looked into keeping them and taking them to Russia, but there is no way that's feasible. Time and again, people we thought were lined up to take them have been unable to. Please, if you know anyone who wants a cat (they're already fixed and declawed), PLEASE tell them of our situation. This is starting to weigh heavily on us--we have to be out of here in nine days, and the cats cannot go with us to the mission house. They are precious and sweet, and they adore people. Please pray about this.

Thank you for loving us. We are so blessed. I don't know when I'll get to post again, because this computer is being packed this morning to go to Baltimore tomorrow, so we won't see it again until we get to Richmond. That leaves me with Marc's laptop, which goes with him this next week he's away, and the kids' iMac, so I don't know how often I'll try to access anything. Please remember us, and know that daily, I pray for the people who read this blog. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

God is at work!

I cannot tell you every way God is at work in our lives. As the Psalmist wrote, if I tried, they would outnumber the grains of sand. But here are just a few ways the God of Everything is doing big stuff around us. I hope they are an encouragement to you.

1. We sold our house in four days. Need I say more?
2. San Jose Baptist Church is letting us live in their mission house, which is absolutely perfect and furnished with every single thing we could want or need, for the month of July. They have been amazing and encouraging and uplifting in so many ways. We are so honored and humbled at the way they are taking care of us.
3. My friend Barb is helping me with the huge yard sale this weekend at which we must get rid of all our earthly belongings. I am a yard sale idiot, so I cannot tell you the ways in which this is a huge blessing to me.
4. My parents have come over every day to work and help with the kids. We absolutely could not be making this move without them. And what fun we have had sifting through our junk and laughing (and crying a little) at the memories we have found.
5. Marc's parents are storing our stuff so we don't have to buy a storage unit.
6. We are leaving the country completely debt-free.
7. Our children, who are under tremendous stress, have actually been okay. They have enjoyed finding some special things that they will take with them to Russia to make it home.
8. Sarah Beth has been a huge help...laundry, dishes, going through the thousands of pictures and putting them in albums...and has never once complained.


Get the idea? Everywhere we look, there are blessings, evidences of the God who holds us in the palm of His hand, where our names are already written. If you look closely, most of these things are not supernatural or unbelievable--they're just ordinary things that God is working through to produce extraordinary fruit in our lives. If you look at your own life, I would bet money that He is blessing you in many of the same ways. Who or what is He using in your life? I challenge you to be aware of them, and to thank Him with a joyful heart this morning for the ways He is at work. He is up to something big!

Blessings to you and yours!
His,
Kellye

No matter where I go

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139:9-10

We are back from vacation and deep into the preparations to leave our home. If you read our prayer blog, you know that we have sold our house, and that we move out June 30. So this weekend, we will be selling most of our earthly possessions in preparation for that move. It's a fairly daunting task. I am very, very sentimental, and so I have kept boxes and boxes of stuff that normal people probably would not have saved. I still have Sarah Beth's baby clothes...and she's 15! So we spent a good part of yesterday going through and making decisions about what to keep and store, what to sell this weekend, and what to throw away. While I'd love to say that because God called me to be a missionary I am completely above materialism, it would be a lie. I'm not. It's hard to get rid of 99% of what you own. Or at least it is for me. But these are just things. In the end, they do not have eternal significance. Just things.

I am reminded of my favorite poem, "One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop. In the poem, the speaker is making the case that losing things isn't reallly that bad (of course, it's ironic, because it is bad). Progressively, the speaker loses larger and larger things, culminating in the final stanza, which begins with the line, "Even losing you..." In the next to last stanza, the speaker loses houses, cities, and continents that are well-loved. That's where we are. As I looked out over the mountain for the last time for at least a while, I could not help but cry to God, "Lord, this has been my hiding place. How can I leave it?" But then in that still, small voice, He so clearly reminded me, "No, Kellye...I am your hiding place. Me alone. I am totally enough. And no matter where you are, I am there. I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. There is no place you can go that I am not already there." He is faithful and true. He has always been. He will always be. I will say it with my last breath: He is enough.

Pray for us as we sift through 17 years of marriage and try to decide what memories to keep. Pray for my parents, who are working themselves like dogs on my behalf. Pray for my children, who are clearly showing signs of the stress we are all under. Hannah summed it up well for all of us on vacation, when she looked at us with those big blue eyes and said, "I just don't understand why God would choose us. We're so ordinary. It doesn't make sense." You're completely right, Banana. It doesn't make sense. But the God of the Universe called. What choice do we have but to join Him where He's called us? I'll never understand why He chose us for this work, but I'm eternally grateful that He did.

Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Lifting my eyes to the hills...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

This summer I am re-reading the writings of Paul. I figured it would be a good idea to read the thoughts of the first missionary in order to get some tips on the job. I'm sure most people love Philippians, but it has particularly special meaning to me. For most of my adult life, I have been a worrier. I worried about everything. Were my kids healthy? Was my marriage okay? Would we have enough money to pay our bills? Did my lipstick match my outfit? I'm not kidding--I worried about everything to the point of being sick. So when God really got ahold of my life and started working miracles, this was the area in which He started. I have stopped worrying about things. I don't mean I'm never stressed, but I do mean that I don't sit around worrying about stuff anymore--because He has proven to me that He has it all under control, so I don't have to. He has provided me some safety valves in case worry starts to rear its ugly head. Let me give an example from this week:

We have an offer on the house. It had been on the market four days when the first offer came in, which we turned down. They made a second offer, which was better but not good enough, and we turned that down, thinking that was the end of that. Then they came back with offer #3, which was a really good offer, but they wanted to close on July 5th. I could feel the panic start. Where would we live for the month of July? So I called my friend Tara. Tara and Matt were in our small group at candidate conference, and to say we hit it off is an understatement. There was an immediate connection--identical passions, though for different regions; similar senses of humor (the college kids asked us to keep it down because we were laughing so hard); similar background issues--we just connected. We have kept in close contact since we left, and I knew that their house had sold in five days, so she would have some wise counsel. I'm sure she could hear in my voice that I was getting a little frenzied. She said one sentence that made all the difference: "But Kellye, isn't this just one more confirmation that y'all are 100% where He wants you to be?" And the panic was gone. God had provided a voice of reason, someone I would listen to and respect, to point out to me that He was only doing what we had asked. God is good, all the time. You know the rest.

I'm pretty certain we're going to take the offer. Marc crunched the numbers with Tim, our administrative pastor with whom we would trust our lives, and it's a good offer in a buyer's market. We think we have it worked out to live in missionary housing owned by a church in Jacksonville. Another story for another post, but God at work in a mighty way. I stand amazed in the Presence, my friends. He is so faithful.

We will be lifting our eyes to the hills for the next week at a cabin in Pine Mountain, Georgia. We are so looking forward to some time together, playing games, swimming, enjoying God's creation--and then coming back to the air conditioning (that was for you, Ada). Whatever you're worried about this morning, I have good news: "The Lord will keep you from all harm--he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore" (Psalm 121). The God of Everything is on the job in your life...now THAT'S cause for the peace that transcends understanding! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Isn't this moving really fast?

I giggle a little when I get this question. Folks will ask when we're leaving, and when told that we only have several weeks left here, they inevitably ask that question. It makes me want to ask if they remember that it took 18 months to get to this point! Of course, people are well-meaning, and if you haven't been in on every twist and turn of the IMB process, it does seem like it's moving really fast. Marc and Alan (our pastor) decided it was a little bit like being a ski jumper. You sit at the top and wait for what seems like forever, and then suddenly find yourself screaming downhill. We are definitely screaming downhill.

This morning, I came across an old hymn that I'd never heard of that really spoke to me. It's "O Zion, Haste," by Mary Anne Thompson, and this is the last verse:
Give of thy sons to bear the message glorious;/Give of thy wealth to speed them on their way;/Pour out they soul for them in prayer victorious;/ And all thy spending Jesus will repay.

So many of you have done all of those things for us. You've given us to God, you've given money to help us on our way, and you've definitely poured out your soul in prayer for us. How in the world will we ever repay you for your kindnesses? We can't, but what a comfort to know that Jesus can and will repay you for us. Thank you for your faithfulness.

On a humorous note for those who know Tara Gilpin's possum story: Yesterday morning, one of the neighborhood cats left a "gift" of a dead naked baby possum on our doorstep. Its little legs were straight up in the air, it was lying on its back...and all I could think was, "'At's sweet, ain't it?" Of course, then I yelled for Marc to remove it from the front step. If you don't know the story, you MUST ask me. It is honestly one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my whole life.

Alright, I hear stirring in the other room, so I must run. Please remember Hannah in your prayers this week--she is at camp, her last here, and I think there will be moments when "the last" thing will be hard for her. Blessings to all of you and yours!

His,
Kellye

Plan B

If you live anywhere in central or north Florida, you are well aware that it is pouring rain outside, so there is definitely not going to be a yard sale today. Of course, because my internal clock has not yet figured out that I no longer have to rise at 4:30, I have been up for a couple of hours now, instead of sleeping in and enjoying the time to relax. As always, though, quiet time with God is so refreshing and renewing that I feel like I have gotten plenty of sleep. Plus, John-John has snuggled in with his Daddy under the quilts, and it's one of my favorite sights. They look so much alike, and it's fun to see them sleep, because they do exactly the same things.

Last night, I wrote about the list. What I didn't write about is all the ways God is at work in and around me, ways that I can clearly see. One way He's at work is through the people who are around us. My parents have been tremendous--putting off their plans for the summer to help us as we prepare to leave, working like dogs around the house, helping with the yard sale yesterday--in a thousand different ways, they have made this move possible, and they are a tremendous blessing to us. My aunt and uncle took the kids Thursday night and kept them all day yesterday, even though it was their anniversary. They have provided so much love to us over the years...another huge blessing in our lives. Marc's mom and dad have been so wonderful, so encouraging, so supportive...not to mention offering to store things for us. What a comfort it has been to us to know where things that are precious to us (like snow globes and scrapbooks) will be. What a blessing.

We spent Tuesday in Orlando, and spent the evening with Robert and Elaine Rierson and their sons, Nathan and James. We met them on the ride from the Richmond airport to ILC. It's a 40 minute ride, and we talked the whole way. They weren't in our small group, but they might as well have been. They are headed to Hungary, and we are all going to be together at FPO. What a blessing their friendship already is. Sarah Beth commented when we left their hotel on Tuesday night how great they were, how much she was looking forward to getting to know them better. Again...what a blessing. (I giggled all the way home thinking about their James and our John, both of whom are 6...get it? James and John? Like from the Bible? I'm pretty sure "sons of thunder" is an appropriate description...I only hope the teachers at CERC are prepared for those boys from CEE who are coming!)

Last night, Bill and Ada Wiisanen came over, and we spent some time talking (in the rain...what sweet folks). What a blessing they were to us--so encouraging, so compassionate. Ada Wiisanen is one of my favorite people...in a time when I thought nobody could put up with John-John and dreaded him coming through the church doors, she encouraged me again and again. He is crazy about her. Like Denise Terhune, she is someone who loved me by really loving my child. As we've gone through the process of being appointed, what an encouragement these two women have been to me, because fears for my children have definitely been the chink in my armor. What a great time together last night. More blessings through the people around us.

I guess my point is this: There are so many things around us that could be discouraging. It isn't easy to do all of the paperwork necessary to be gone. It isn't fun to sell everything you've worked to buy over the years. But if you really, really open your eyes and ears and heart, there are also so many things that are encouraging. There are circumstances that obviously have been put together by God. There are people everywhere who are loving us as we go through the long goodbye. There are people to help us. The folks at the IMB are fabulous in every way. The folks at Southern Seminary have been great. Our friends at church are so wonderful. Our friends on the mission field are willing to endure our three million questions and offer wise counsel. Our parents support and encourage us. We have made lifelong friends through the IMB. And above all, this--the God of Everything has called. For just such a time as this, He has brought us to this place in our lives. There is work He is doing, and He is going to let us in on the action. I will never get over it. Never.

Look around, my friends. God is at work in your lives, just like He's at work in mine. What is He doing? What is He calling you to do for Him? What and who are your "showers of blessings"? Whatever and whoever they are, be grateful and thankful, but above all, be aware.

Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye

My brain is full

Okay...if you know me at all, you know that I love a list. I love everything about a list...crossing off what I've done, making the list in the morning, checking it midday...I love a list. So imagine my horror to find that there is so much to think about, so much to do, that I simply cannot wrap my brain around it to make a list of things that must be done. I am, frankly, overwhelmed by the amount of stuff there is to do. I literally prayed this morning that God would help me come up with a list and not be so overwhelmed by everything. That's right...I spent time this morning praying about a list. Does that worry you? I guess I figured if His eye is on the sparrow, He was certainly concerned about my list. I'm glad my God is big enough to handle the list, but still interested in the fact that I need one.

Today was day one of the garage sale. What an interesting experience it is to sell everything one owns. I kind of enjoy garage sales, if only because it's fun to see all kinds of different people as they pile through the junk that's sitting all over the place. It's not as fun to realize that this is only step one of the process of selling all that we own to follow God across the globe. It's not grant to figure out that we really are getting rid of a lifetime of possessions. But at the end of the day, these are just things. Marc, Sarah Beth, Hannah, and John--these are priceless treasures. Everything else is just stuff.

Well, it's late, and Boo Boo and I (and a snoring Daddy) are watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkiban. Some things never get old. Tomorrow, we will try once again to get rid of everything we have, one dime at a time. And I will begin again to trust God with the list. Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye