CPMs, ILC, and RLMs...oh, my!

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

These verses took on a new meaning for me on Friday, which was a time for purposeful spiritual retreat. We took box lunches, found a place on campus, and had three hours of time for God to speak. It was an amazing time. Here is what God discussed with me:
1. I am not getting enough rest. It has become a matter of pride for me (how did that creep in again?) that I don't need rest. But I am mentally and physically exhausted. More rest, even if I have to force myself to get it, is necessary if I am going to be able to do what God has called me to do.

2. Discouragement is directly tied to exhaustion. We have had a hard week with John. He has given up his life, and he doesn't understand it. This school isn't like his school at home. We had a terrible, awful day on Thursday, a day in which I really thought we should just give up. Of course, that's just an emotion, and I have worked hard to know that emotion is not what I need to base my decisions on, but it felt like the right thing to at least think about. Picture this: you live in a quad with three other families, and your child is throwing a screaming, hissing, growling fit which everyone, including your new boss who happens to be living across from you in the quad with his wife and kids as missionary in residence for our training, can hear. Would you feel discouraged? I did. But part of that was that I was so physically exhausted that I'd let myself be spiritually exhausted. A friend lovingly pointed this out to me.

3. I am not up to the task. I cannot save Russia. But He is God Almighty, and He has promised to be with me. I am not alone. I do not have to have all the answers, and no one is expecting me to be immediately fluent in Russian. I am MUCH harder on myself than anyone at the IMB is ever going to be. There has been a lot of conviction on this point for me. I sometimes think if I'm organized enough, if I control things enough, then everything will be Norman Rockwell-perfect. Such is not the case. But He is a giant God. Look at what He has done to bring us here.

As you can see, this was a really important time for me. (I also took a nap, which the director of our training suggested since so many of us look exhausted.) We had a sharing time afterwards, and it was phenomenal. It was so encouraging to hear so many struggling with the same things we are. But the high point was listening as a Korean couple who are headed to a country I can't name talked to us and sang to us in Korean. Watching worship in someone's heart language is stunning. You could just almost hear the wind of the Holy Spirit breezing through. It brought tears to all of us, and I mean real tears, not just tearing up kind of tears. It was amazing. I am so impressed by people and what God has done in their lives. I can only tell my story, but I wish you could hear the "cloud of witnesses" around me telling theirs. Heart-stopping.

You're wondering about the title. CPMs are church planting movements, which is what we're here learning about daily. ILC is the International Learning Center, which is where we live. And RLMs? That's us--real live missionaries. :o) That one tickles me.

Please continue to pray for us and for our entire FPO group. (Field Personnel Orientation) Dr. and Mrs. Rankin are coming this week to talk about spiritual warfare. If you don't think this is a place that makes the enemy unhappy...you haven't read enough about the enemy. Please pray for Dr. and Mrs. Rankin and for us. Already there have been deaths and accidents in the families of our peers. Thank you for your continued prayer support. You are a vital member of our ministry team. Blessings!

His,
Kellye