When praise demands a sacrifice

When praise demands a sacrifice/I'll worship even then/surrendering the dearest things in life./And if surrender costs me all/He'll find me faithful to His call. "When Praise Demands a Sacrifice"

I love this song so much. It's on a collection of songs for the Beth Moore Bible study on The Patriarchs. That study was so important to me. During the time I was in the study, I finished graduate school (Go Gators!), was working on the process to be appointed by the IMB, and was just generally overwhelmed with life. I can distinctly remember one lesson, during a time I was kind of whiny about all the stuff the IMB wanted from us, and I was honestly wondering--is this worth it? Maybe we can just go on some short-term trips and God will be satisfied. And the lesson was about the Israelites crossing the Jordan and placing their stones of remembrance. But halfway in, they had to decide whether to go across all the way. After all, leading so many people across the river seemed kind of crazy. What would people say? What if they failed? But they chose to trust God, forget what others said, and move across. They committed to finish what they'd started. I can still remember the way God spoke to my heart. Are you really committed to My vision for your life? Really? Then keep crossing the river, Kellye. And I did, and here we are. But I really think God used that study so much to get me through that time in my life.

Sometimes, praise does demand a sacrifice. Lately I've realized that praise isn't just what we lift up to God. It isn't just words and a life lived for Him. It's also those things we cherish but choose to lay down. This song has a line to that effect somewhere in it, I think. I cherished my life in the States, my reputation as an educator, my career, my church, living close to my parents and aunt and uncle. I cherished the happiness of my children, the ease of my life there, and being able to hop in the car and go to Publix. And I'm not saying I don't miss those things, because I do. I really, really do. But I can honestly say that the treasure of knowing Christ like I know Him now that I have had to depend on Him for survival...it's worth everything I've laid down. I know Him so much more. And like all really wonderful friends, the more I know Him, the more I love Him. The more I know Him, the more I want of Him.

Yesterday, I had the chance to talk to my pastor on the phone. I really enjoyed talking to him. And I appreciate the concern he showed for our family, and the fact that he and our children's pastor (they happened to be together) took the time to speak to the kids. I think sometimes, especially for Hannah, it is very important to hear from people at home. She was very excited about the call, but she was especially excited that Pastor Ralph missed her, that Brother Alan wanted to talk to her. She has struggled so much, and it seems to me that some of her struggle is that she worries about being forgotten. So it was nice to hear the voices of two men who are very important to her reminding her that she is important to them. Someone I love once wrote me a note, thanking me for something I'd done for her child, and she said that what I did for her child, I did for her. I understand that more and more as time goes on. When someone encourages my children, I, too, am encouraged. So thanks for calling!

Well, it's time to get ready for my language lesson. Pray for me--I have just enough language to be dangerous. I had a lovely conversation with a babushka at a bus stop yesterday, and for a minute, I thought she was saying how cute my children were, so I smiled, nodded, and thanked her. When she looked at me oddly, I realized I had misunderstood--she didn't say they were cute...she asked if they were sick since they had dark circles under their eyes. She admonished me for not taking good care of them, and then realized I only understood part of what she was saying. It will get easier, won't it? Some day, I will manage to understand, be understood, and walk away with some dignity all at the same time, right? It looks like it's far, far down the road!! I hope wherever you are in the world, you are praising God no matter what, and that your children do not have dark circles under their eyes! Blessings to you and yours!

His,
Kellye